How Your Childhood Cereal Determined Your Success Rate in Life

 

Did you ever think about how your childhood cereal determined your success rate in life? Did you ever sit there and wonder how much your life was foreshadowed by what you ate as a kid. Well, my website developer and his buddy did and asked me to write a blog about it. So this is what I've come up with. 

Honey Smacks: They weren't that great as a kid, but the people who ate them pretty much pretended they were better than they were. Now a days this leads to them having a dead end job they don't really enjoy but they tell everyone it's the most awesome job in the world. Will most likely be looking in the mirror by the time they're 34 and wonder what they're actually doing with their life. 

Lucky Charms: You always ate them because you thought the commercials were cool. This correlated to you being extremely lazy at life and always looking for a get rich quick scheme. But you never got rich and you're waiting on the unemployment line at 28 years old still eating the same cereal that made you the loser you are today. 

Fruit Loops: They were only good because they were so fucking sweet that it gave any kid a sugar rush that made you bounce off the walls. This correlated to you going away to college, becoming a fan of house music and traveling to Miami for Ultra concerts because you don't have a job and are trying to become a famous DJ. 

Trix: You realized that they were only for kids and then you decided dealing drugs is probably a good way to go. You've become an extremely successful drug dealer telling people that you work in retail and are a "manager". But really, everyone knows what you actually do and wonders how you haven't been caught yet. 

Cap N Crunch: You're most likely a blogger with a huge penis who likes to party. 

Cheerios: Whether it be honey nut or original you were always straight edged. Always got good grades and now you have a job where you're just waiting for some old guy to die before you're making six figures at 25 years old. 

Cookie Crisp: Let's be serious and put all the pieces together. If you ate Cookie Crisp as a kid you're probably sucking dick for crack on a street corner as we speak. 

Frosted Mini Wheats: You took working hard very seriously and once you got to high school you also started taking the gym seriously. You now have a great job making at least 80 grand a year, you're STD free and you look like a Spartan warrior. 

Reese's Puffs: See Cookie Crisp. 

Cinnamon Toast Crunch: Probably the most delicious cereal in the league that now lead you on the path of becoming a gym teacher, getting off summers and holidays and coaching a sport for free on the side just to kill some spare time. 

Cocoa/Fruity Pebbles: You most likely got really into some weird ass rock music and you now work at Pathmark, have huge holes in your ears and sell crystal meth on the side. 

Kix: You're a gay guy working in the fashion industry.