Enough with this guy already, we know all about it by now...
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/columns/story?columnist=forde_pat&id=6607408
Alright yes we get it, Jim Tressell fucking resigned now get him and his sweater vests off my goddamn TV. I'm sick of hearing about this shit already. Every big time college football player in the country gets benefits and sells shit, how do you expect them to have any fucking money when they have no time to work. All they do is eat, breathe, and sleep football. They need to have a way of getting some sort of money. Now with all that being said, get this fucking guy with his dumb face and dumb glasses off my screen before I put a bat through it. Enough is enough.
Sidenote: Give it two weeks until the Urban Meyer rumors start swirling as his replacement. Notice how I said rumors because that's all they will be.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Pool vs Beach
A post by Quite Frank-ly:
I had an idea for this and Im bored so i figured i write
Since it was just Memorial Day Weekend (MDW for you lazy pricks) and the unofficial kick off to summer I figured I would lay out the pros and cons of the beach and pool.
First let me say I am not a beach person. I've been to some very nice beaches in the Caribbean and Florida. Most of my beach experiences have been in the lovely clean aired state of New Jersey. The beach is good for relaxing and staring at slutty girls in barely anything, but to me the negatives outweigh this. The beach has sand, it gets everywhere; in your food, in your drink, eyes, and your fucking ass. That's annoying if you ask me. The ocean is a pain in the balls too. I mean when Im in the water I like to relax, not get trounced around by a wave every 30 seconds and end up 25 feet from everyone else I was with. The pool has it all. There's no sand (unless your a loser hippy who puts sand in their backyard because you think it's cool) and there are no waves. And let me tell you if you want a drink I open the door and don't get overcharged or hassled by gay cops wearing shorts that are a little too high. If I'm hungry, I fire up the BBQ and make myself a burger. If you have to pee, please see drink. As for the most miserable part of going to the beach, the ride home. Sitting in a sandy, salty, sticky bathing suit in a crammed hot car in traffic is about as enjoyable as jerking off with sandpaper. When I'm done with my pool session I walk upstairs and shower 1,2,3.
To me it's obvious the pool is the shit and the beach is, well, shit. But since most people just do what everyone else is doing and God forbid they miss out on anything they will say the beach is better. People who say they love the beach, when I lay out these negatives you can kind of see that look in their eye like, "Ya know what? You're fucking right," but they will never admit it because on Staten Island or New Jersey not liking the beach is frowned upon.
As for those people who are at the beach 3 times a week, get a job and enjoy the Melanoma.
I had an idea for this and Im bored so i figured i write
Since it was just Memorial Day Weekend (MDW for you lazy pricks) and the unofficial kick off to summer I figured I would lay out the pros and cons of the beach and pool.
First let me say I am not a beach person. I've been to some very nice beaches in the Caribbean and Florida. Most of my beach experiences have been in the lovely clean aired state of New Jersey. The beach is good for relaxing and staring at slutty girls in barely anything, but to me the negatives outweigh this. The beach has sand, it gets everywhere; in your food, in your drink, eyes, and your fucking ass. That's annoying if you ask me. The ocean is a pain in the balls too. I mean when Im in the water I like to relax, not get trounced around by a wave every 30 seconds and end up 25 feet from everyone else I was with. The pool has it all. There's no sand (unless your a loser hippy who puts sand in their backyard because you think it's cool) and there are no waves. And let me tell you if you want a drink I open the door and don't get overcharged or hassled by gay cops wearing shorts that are a little too high. If I'm hungry, I fire up the BBQ and make myself a burger. If you have to pee, please see drink. As for the most miserable part of going to the beach, the ride home. Sitting in a sandy, salty, sticky bathing suit in a crammed hot car in traffic is about as enjoyable as jerking off with sandpaper. When I'm done with my pool session I walk upstairs and shower 1,2,3.
To me it's obvious the pool is the shit and the beach is, well, shit. But since most people just do what everyone else is doing and God forbid they miss out on anything they will say the beach is better. People who say they love the beach, when I lay out these negatives you can kind of see that look in their eye like, "Ya know what? You're fucking right," but they will never admit it because on Staten Island or New Jersey not liking the beach is frowned upon.
As for those people who are at the beach 3 times a week, get a job and enjoy the Melanoma.
Highlight Feature Of The Day: 18 Hours At The Jersey Shore
Steve The Hammer:
While I was off this weekend I decided to take a little road trip with Stewie down to the Jersey Shore. Let me tell you, the build up for this blog was intense, everything I saw I just kept getting reminded of the ammunition that I was getting at that point in time.
First, we get there and there are more dudes walking around with no shirts than at a fucking Chippendale’s. Like yeah I know it’s a beach town but its 5:30 at night, the strong sun is gone, put a fucking shirt on now. Then at my friend Tim’s house I was introduced to a bracket of every girl that gets slammed in the house. It was the first weekend and they had six girls up already, not too shabby so far. Also, the house practiced safe sex as they had a bowl of condoms sitting on a table in the living room. Nice job guys, way to always be thinking.
Then we walked to the establishment known as Djais, which was like down the block from the house. Our whole reason for going early was to get a stamp so we didn’t have to wait in line later. However, on the way there we got a bit caught up with some giant asshole who was passed out on the fucking lawn in the fetal position. Guy it’s 6:45 at night, how are you passed out already? Either take it easy on the drinking, or step your game up. You can’t be passing out early letting everyone know how much of a lightweight you are. If you can’t take the heat, stay the fuck out of the kitchen bro.
We finally get to the bar for the stamp and the line isn’t moving. These people are complete assholes because I caught on to what they were doing. They make you wait in line until you’re semi-sober that way you want to keep buying drinks when you come in. It’s smart, but it’s still a jerkoff move. Speaking of jerkoff’s, the sun was just about going down when we were waiting in line. I saw about twenty jerkoff’s wearing sunglasses like it was 12 in the fucking afternoon. Are you guys kidding with that? It’s pretty much nighttime, you’re going inside, there’s no need for sunglasses. Please get a fucking clue next time; everyone is making fun of you.
What went on between the stamping and going back to the house to drink I really couldn’t tell you because time kind of stood still. I just know I was doing haircuts in a kitchen and getting hammered. We then go back to the bar around 10 o’clock and for some odd reason I was wearing a fedora hat. It wasn’t planned; I was just drunk and kept it on because my friends all told me to keep it on. This turned out to be awesome advice because apparently women love fedora hats.
I had written something a while back about the secret of the hat and this was the same exact situation. Girl’s love taking the hat off your head and dancing with you, I don’t know what the reason is, but it’s great if you’re the guy wearing the hat. It was overly successful in getting a girl to dance with me and I’m not going into more detail. All I will tell you is that you need to rock a fedora hat out. That’s all the advice you get in that department, you’ll just have to trust me.
Sleeping on a rug that had empty water bottles and cheez-it bags all over the place wasn’t very pleasant so I moved to a recliner chair. I’m pretty sure they use the same recliner chair as a form of torture for prisoners of war over in Iraq. I would have been more comfortable sleeping on a bed of nails than that fucking chair. When all was said and done, I slept for a total of 2 hours before I got woken up by some asshole talking about how he was still legally drunk so he couldn’t drive to his baseball game. Let me tell you, you’re the fucking man bro. Go back to sleep.
The best part of the whole trip was what I saw going on across the street when I was leaving the house to go to the beach. Some fucking guido was shirtless and jumping rope in his driveway. As if that wasn’t enough he also had the Italian flag draped over his front porch. First of all, go to the gym asshole, no one wants to watch you jump rope in your fucking driveway. Secondly, get the fucking Italian flag off your front porch. We all know you’re Italian and we all know you’re a guido; jumping rope shirtless in your driveway tells us that so there is no need for you to try and drive the point home. Please grow up; you’re like 28 years old. It’s time to get a life.
Finally, we show up at Long Branch beach to avoid the guido’s and jerkoff’s over at Belmar. I have a bone to pick with you Long Branch motherfuckers. One, you charge fifteen fucking dollars to park and then seven dollars to get on the beach. That’s twenty-two dollars just to show up. Then you have expensive and fancy shit all around but your bathroom might as well be a fucking prison cell. Get some new bathrooms; if I’m paying twenty-two dollars just to get there, you should at least have a nice place for me to piss. No, I don’t pee in the water, that’s fucking gross.
All in all, the weekend was pretty successful. Stewie and I got housed, had an awesome time and we were even successful in the female department. You don’t get details on that because that’s not my style. But anyway, if you end up at the Jersey Shore you should have a good time. If not, you can easily make your own fun. Head down for a weekend, it won’t disappoint.
While I was off this weekend I decided to take a little road trip with Stewie down to the Jersey Shore. Let me tell you, the build up for this blog was intense, everything I saw I just kept getting reminded of the ammunition that I was getting at that point in time.
First, we get there and there are more dudes walking around with no shirts than at a fucking Chippendale’s. Like yeah I know it’s a beach town but its 5:30 at night, the strong sun is gone, put a fucking shirt on now. Then at my friend Tim’s house I was introduced to a bracket of every girl that gets slammed in the house. It was the first weekend and they had six girls up already, not too shabby so far. Also, the house practiced safe sex as they had a bowl of condoms sitting on a table in the living room. Nice job guys, way to always be thinking.
Then we walked to the establishment known as Djais, which was like down the block from the house. Our whole reason for going early was to get a stamp so we didn’t have to wait in line later. However, on the way there we got a bit caught up with some giant asshole who was passed out on the fucking lawn in the fetal position. Guy it’s 6:45 at night, how are you passed out already? Either take it easy on the drinking, or step your game up. You can’t be passing out early letting everyone know how much of a lightweight you are. If you can’t take the heat, stay the fuck out of the kitchen bro.
We finally get to the bar for the stamp and the line isn’t moving. These people are complete assholes because I caught on to what they were doing. They make you wait in line until you’re semi-sober that way you want to keep buying drinks when you come in. It’s smart, but it’s still a jerkoff move. Speaking of jerkoff’s, the sun was just about going down when we were waiting in line. I saw about twenty jerkoff’s wearing sunglasses like it was 12 in the fucking afternoon. Are you guys kidding with that? It’s pretty much nighttime, you’re going inside, there’s no need for sunglasses. Please get a fucking clue next time; everyone is making fun of you.
What went on between the stamping and going back to the house to drink I really couldn’t tell you because time kind of stood still. I just know I was doing haircuts in a kitchen and getting hammered. We then go back to the bar around 10 o’clock and for some odd reason I was wearing a fedora hat. It wasn’t planned; I was just drunk and kept it on because my friends all told me to keep it on. This turned out to be awesome advice because apparently women love fedora hats.
I had written something a while back about the secret of the hat and this was the same exact situation. Girl’s love taking the hat off your head and dancing with you, I don’t know what the reason is, but it’s great if you’re the guy wearing the hat. It was overly successful in getting a girl to dance with me and I’m not going into more detail. All I will tell you is that you need to rock a fedora hat out. That’s all the advice you get in that department, you’ll just have to trust me.
Sleeping on a rug that had empty water bottles and cheez-it bags all over the place wasn’t very pleasant so I moved to a recliner chair. I’m pretty sure they use the same recliner chair as a form of torture for prisoners of war over in Iraq. I would have been more comfortable sleeping on a bed of nails than that fucking chair. When all was said and done, I slept for a total of 2 hours before I got woken up by some asshole talking about how he was still legally drunk so he couldn’t drive to his baseball game. Let me tell you, you’re the fucking man bro. Go back to sleep.
The best part of the whole trip was what I saw going on across the street when I was leaving the house to go to the beach. Some fucking guido was shirtless and jumping rope in his driveway. As if that wasn’t enough he also had the Italian flag draped over his front porch. First of all, go to the gym asshole, no one wants to watch you jump rope in your fucking driveway. Secondly, get the fucking Italian flag off your front porch. We all know you’re Italian and we all know you’re a guido; jumping rope shirtless in your driveway tells us that so there is no need for you to try and drive the point home. Please grow up; you’re like 28 years old. It’s time to get a life.
Finally, we show up at Long Branch beach to avoid the guido’s and jerkoff’s over at Belmar. I have a bone to pick with you Long Branch motherfuckers. One, you charge fifteen fucking dollars to park and then seven dollars to get on the beach. That’s twenty-two dollars just to show up. Then you have expensive and fancy shit all around but your bathroom might as well be a fucking prison cell. Get some new bathrooms; if I’m paying twenty-two dollars just to get there, you should at least have a nice place for me to piss. No, I don’t pee in the water, that’s fucking gross.
All in all, the weekend was pretty successful. Stewie and I got housed, had an awesome time and we were even successful in the female department. You don’t get details on that because that’s not my style. But anyway, if you end up at the Jersey Shore you should have a good time. If not, you can easily make your own fun. Head down for a weekend, it won’t disappoint.
Asshole(s) Of The Day Award
We have a shared award today in our lesson of how not to start a bonfire...
http://www.wyff4.com/r/28079081/detail.html
Just starting your usual Memorial Day Bonfire by pouring some gasoline on it. What the fuck is wrong with you people? You don't throw gasoline on a fire, have you ever seen Zoolander? That is just asking for everything to go wrong. So you end up injuring 4 people and almost burnt down an entire forest. Just a prime example of genius at its finest. But once again I am not surprised. It's people like you asshole's that make me think you should need a license to reproduce children.
http://www.wyff4.com/r/28079081/detail.html
Just starting your usual Memorial Day Bonfire by pouring some gasoline on it. What the fuck is wrong with you people? You don't throw gasoline on a fire, have you ever seen Zoolander? That is just asking for everything to go wrong. So you end up injuring 4 people and almost burnt down an entire forest. Just a prime example of genius at its finest. But once again I am not surprised. It's people like you asshole's that make me think you should need a license to reproduce children.
The Return Of Johnny Baseball
Johnny Baseball Is Officially Back In Town...
Well well well, guess who's back? Johnny Baseball thats who. It's been a while but i've finally finished school and finals this week and you know what time it is? Time to go on a rant...
So here are a few things over the past few weeks that have really got me goin here:
Hey Subway...Welcome to the Johnny Baseball Boycott/Blacklist bro, did you really basically give me food poisoning and make me throw up before my final and in turn basically fail me? YUPPPPPP...Along with Moe's, Subway will be boycotted maybe not for ever, but for an extended period of time. So how about this, you get some real meats and cheeses and change your whole setup you got over there cause from now on this kid ain't buyin...Sorry.
Secondly...Nick Swisher...COME ON BRO..where in the hell did you grow up playing baseball? Im a Mets fan but my mother and brother and Yankee fans so the games are always on but come on dude...do you really have to laugh everytime you strike out? (which is often cause face it you suck and had 1 good year in your career). If I would've laughed after striking out as a kid I would've either gotten smacked in the face or my ass sat down on the bench. How about you take the game seriously for a few innings pal. Look at when other real players strike out. Pedroia throws his helmet and beats a cooler and your laughing? Grow up and I've seen him do this more than once. You weren't laughing when Franklin Guitierrez robbed your ass of a homer last week right?...Because that's the only thing important to the Yankee organization I guess...homeruns.
And last but not least, The Mets. I would really love to know the plan of action here for the Mets like...WTF ARE THEY DOING?. The future looks so dim...it's like getting on a train that's going into a dark tunnel, and that tunnel is goin straight to fucking hell. Please before Beltran and all these guys get hurt...trade them....If you're going to get rid of all of them now just fucking do it and end the sorrow so I can stop watching...The Mets are slowly but surely going to be added to the Johnny Baseball Boycott/Black List.
And also with these barrelling the catcher rules....WTF WOULD YOU LIKE THE RUNNER TO DO? Stand there and say okay fine the ball beat me there you can tag me out...if the MLB passes a rule for no barrelling over the catcher I probably won't watch baseball anymore. Because thats the problem with this country and everything in it..WE GOT SOFT. The NFL...you can't even touch the QB...NBA, let's not even go there. NHL, no fighting? Let's be real here people. It's sports...theres contact...and the Mets suck.
Well well well, guess who's back? Johnny Baseball thats who. It's been a while but i've finally finished school and finals this week and you know what time it is? Time to go on a rant...
So here are a few things over the past few weeks that have really got me goin here:
Hey Subway...Welcome to the Johnny Baseball Boycott/Blacklist bro, did you really basically give me food poisoning and make me throw up before my final and in turn basically fail me? YUPPPPPP...Along with Moe's, Subway will be boycotted maybe not for ever, but for an extended period of time. So how about this, you get some real meats and cheeses and change your whole setup you got over there cause from now on this kid ain't buyin...Sorry.
Secondly...Nick Swisher...COME ON BRO..where in the hell did you grow up playing baseball? Im a Mets fan but my mother and brother and Yankee fans so the games are always on but come on dude...do you really have to laugh everytime you strike out? (which is often cause face it you suck and had 1 good year in your career). If I would've laughed after striking out as a kid I would've either gotten smacked in the face or my ass sat down on the bench. How about you take the game seriously for a few innings pal. Look at when other real players strike out. Pedroia throws his helmet and beats a cooler and your laughing? Grow up and I've seen him do this more than once. You weren't laughing when Franklin Guitierrez robbed your ass of a homer last week right?...Because that's the only thing important to the Yankee organization I guess...homeruns.
And last but not least, The Mets. I would really love to know the plan of action here for the Mets like...WTF ARE THEY DOING?. The future looks so dim...it's like getting on a train that's going into a dark tunnel, and that tunnel is goin straight to fucking hell. Please before Beltran and all these guys get hurt...trade them....If you're going to get rid of all of them now just fucking do it and end the sorrow so I can stop watching...The Mets are slowly but surely going to be added to the Johnny Baseball Boycott/Black List.
And also with these barrelling the catcher rules....WTF WOULD YOU LIKE THE RUNNER TO DO? Stand there and say okay fine the ball beat me there you can tag me out...if the MLB passes a rule for no barrelling over the catcher I probably won't watch baseball anymore. Because thats the problem with this country and everything in it..WE GOT SOFT. The NFL...you can't even touch the QB...NBA, let's not even go there. NHL, no fighting? Let's be real here people. It's sports...theres contact...and the Mets suck.
This Week's Bar Review
Myself and Quite-Frankly will be giving Bar Reviews starting this week and every week from now on. This week we have a joint on Staten Island. Here we go...
Quite-Frankly's Review
Welcome to the first ever Bar Review. Our first review will be of a local Staten Island bar, KJ's Ale House. Now to the local Staten Islander, the normal attendees of this joint are nothing we haven't seen before. To the outsider (God bless you) this place is filled with absolute goons. Dudes watched a Miami Heat Chicago Bulls game like they are die hard fans, trying to start chants. Umm, go home. Have a few more drinks and go drive home. Hopefully you dont make it home or you get a DWI or something. As for the chicks, there's a few cuties walking around. However, they are as stuck up as you can imagine. They walk around like they are fucking some billionaire. Listen, honey get your nose out of the air. Your guy is 28 years old, lives at home, makes 25 grand a yr, and acts like he is 18 years old. That is not the recipe for a stuck up chick but the recipe for a chick who gets beaten. Since I went on a little bit of a rant, I'll get back to the bar. The bar itself at this place is way way way to big. It bellies out and cause a shit show when your trying to leave. Prices aren't too bad and on Tuesdays the bartender flips a coin if you get it right you get a free drink. But then again, what the fuck are you doing out on a Tuesday on a regular basis anyway? Not exactly the type of place I understand. Friday Saturday, I get; Monday through Thursday and Sunday stay home go to bed and wake up in the morning scrubs.
Pros - $3.50 beers, free drink on a correct coin flip
Cons - Clown show, cramped, big night is a Tuesday
Rating - 10 ..................... out of 100
Steve the Hammer:
Staten Island’s KJ’s Ale House, an establishment I would like to forget. First things first, shrink the bar so there is more room for people to move around. You have about five feet of space if you want to move from the front of the place to the back of the place. Give me a break. Secondly, the place is jerkoff central. Between the people yelling at the TV starting chants rooting against Lebron and the asshole juice heads staring everyone down I wanted to throw a fucking grenade inside on my way out. The only good thing was that it was a Tuesday and you could win a free beer with a coin flip. Wow thanks, it’s a fucking Tuesday, you would think the 25 year old guido’s would have work the next day; but they’re just using their unemployment money on going out. I might go back if I’m extremely bored and have nothing else to do, but I wouldn’t count on it. I would rather sit at home and watch porn by myself than stand around inside that fucking place. And the last thing I hate about the place is that 85% of the people there LIVE to go there on Tuesday nights. They talk about it from the Wednesday before all the way to the anticipated big night. Time to grow up people, get a fucking job. Then again, I’m doing this for no money so I guess we’re in the same boat. I just don’t live to go to a shitty ass bar on a Tuesday, you do. That’s where we’re different.
Pro’s: Coin flip for beers.
Cons: Jerkoff Central, and it’s too small to move when crowded.
Rating: 2 out of 10…and I’m being generous.
Quite-Frankly's Review
Welcome to the first ever Bar Review. Our first review will be of a local Staten Island bar, KJ's Ale House. Now to the local Staten Islander, the normal attendees of this joint are nothing we haven't seen before. To the outsider (God bless you) this place is filled with absolute goons. Dudes watched a Miami Heat Chicago Bulls game like they are die hard fans, trying to start chants. Umm, go home. Have a few more drinks and go drive home. Hopefully you dont make it home or you get a DWI or something. As for the chicks, there's a few cuties walking around. However, they are as stuck up as you can imagine. They walk around like they are fucking some billionaire. Listen, honey get your nose out of the air. Your guy is 28 years old, lives at home, makes 25 grand a yr, and acts like he is 18 years old. That is not the recipe for a stuck up chick but the recipe for a chick who gets beaten. Since I went on a little bit of a rant, I'll get back to the bar. The bar itself at this place is way way way to big. It bellies out and cause a shit show when your trying to leave. Prices aren't too bad and on Tuesdays the bartender flips a coin if you get it right you get a free drink. But then again, what the fuck are you doing out on a Tuesday on a regular basis anyway? Not exactly the type of place I understand. Friday Saturday, I get; Monday through Thursday and Sunday stay home go to bed and wake up in the morning scrubs.
Pros - $3.50 beers, free drink on a correct coin flip
Cons - Clown show, cramped, big night is a Tuesday
Rating - 10 ..................... out of 100
Steve the Hammer:
Staten Island’s KJ’s Ale House, an establishment I would like to forget. First things first, shrink the bar so there is more room for people to move around. You have about five feet of space if you want to move from the front of the place to the back of the place. Give me a break. Secondly, the place is jerkoff central. Between the people yelling at the TV starting chants rooting against Lebron and the asshole juice heads staring everyone down I wanted to throw a fucking grenade inside on my way out. The only good thing was that it was a Tuesday and you could win a free beer with a coin flip. Wow thanks, it’s a fucking Tuesday, you would think the 25 year old guido’s would have work the next day; but they’re just using their unemployment money on going out. I might go back if I’m extremely bored and have nothing else to do, but I wouldn’t count on it. I would rather sit at home and watch porn by myself than stand around inside that fucking place. And the last thing I hate about the place is that 85% of the people there LIVE to go there on Tuesday nights. They talk about it from the Wednesday before all the way to the anticipated big night. Time to grow up people, get a fucking job. Then again, I’m doing this for no money so I guess we’re in the same boat. I just don’t live to go to a shitty ass bar on a Tuesday, you do. That’s where we’re different.
Pro’s: Coin flip for beers.
Cons: Jerkoff Central, and it’s too small to move when crowded.
Rating: 2 out of 10…and I’m being generous.
Fireside Chats Season Finale
Here is the Fireside Chats Season Finale. The good news is that we have just found out that we will be picked up for a second season and we have a contract to double our episodes from 5 to 10. Season two will start right after Labor Day. Hope you enjoy the Season One Finale and once again any feedback is appreciated. For any other questions email hammer41blog@gmail.com and don't forget about our Hammer41 & Associates facebook fan page as well as our twitter page at thtalkofthetown. So here it is, hope you enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAEo76BDD2A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAEo76BDD2A
Friday, May 27, 2011
New Jersey Guido's Taking You Into Memorial Day Weekend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RfUMBgfhn0&playnext=1&list=PL2444B717420DC0CC
Not going to lie, I probably won't be doing much blogging this weekend. It's a holiday and I'm going out and enjoying some nice weather. I'll see you all Tuesday as the Season Finale of Fireside Chats comes out with a couple of surprises for you guys. Have a good weekend. Remember, if you can't fuck that bitch, then fuck that bitch.
Not going to lie, I probably won't be doing much blogging this weekend. It's a holiday and I'm going out and enjoying some nice weather. I'll see you all Tuesday as the Season Finale of Fireside Chats comes out with a couple of surprises for you guys. Have a good weekend. Remember, if you can't fuck that bitch, then fuck that bitch.
Highlight Feature Of The Day: The Social Stock Market
This is something a lot of people don’t know about. Well they know about it, but they don’t refer to it the same way as I do. I was going to feature this in the season finale of Fireside Chats, but it just works better on paper than on the camera.
What is the social stock market? Simply put, it is how high a guy or girl’s stock is. Meaning how many people want them at that specific time. For example, when a guy first gets a girlfriend, his stock automatically rises. Everyone, especially women, want what they can’t have; so having a girlfriend makes your stock soar through the roof.
Now, stock is at it’s highest just after the guy breaks up with the girlfriend. Now all the rebound chicks are on the prowl to get with the newly single guy that they’ve wanted to bang for months. Trust me, your stock is at its peak performance level when you just get out of a relationship.
However, after the second rebound chick, your stock now goes back to plummeting. Why? Because now they can have you, so they don’t want you. This pretty much signifies the circle of life in many ways. The situation is exactly the same for women I just used guys for the example. You may also think that it sounds crazy, but you all know that I am 100 percent correct.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
What is the social stock market? Simply put, it is how high a guy or girl’s stock is. Meaning how many people want them at that specific time. For example, when a guy first gets a girlfriend, his stock automatically rises. Everyone, especially women, want what they can’t have; so having a girlfriend makes your stock soar through the roof.
Now, stock is at it’s highest just after the guy breaks up with the girlfriend. Now all the rebound chicks are on the prowl to get with the newly single guy that they’ve wanted to bang for months. Trust me, your stock is at its peak performance level when you just get out of a relationship.
However, after the second rebound chick, your stock now goes back to plummeting. Why? Because now they can have you, so they don’t want you. This pretty much signifies the circle of life in many ways. The situation is exactly the same for women I just used guys for the example. You may also think that it sounds crazy, but you all know that I am 100 percent correct.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Asshole OF The Day Award
This is some Maid Of Honor...
http://www.wmtw.com/r/28035410/detail.html
Just having a good time at a wedding and then the Maid of Honor gets belligerently drunk, drops a glass, cuts herself, then gives the paramedics a hard time when they try to treat her. This leads to nothing more than the cops showing up for an arrest. How about that? The Maid of Honor getting arrested at a fucking wedding. Nothing spells class like this fucking lady apparently. First class all the way.
http://www.wmtw.com/r/28035410/detail.html
Just having a good time at a wedding and then the Maid of Honor gets belligerently drunk, drops a glass, cuts herself, then gives the paramedics a hard time when they try to treat her. This leads to nothing more than the cops showing up for an arrest. How about that? The Maid of Honor getting arrested at a fucking wedding. Nothing spells class like this fucking lady apparently. First class all the way.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Highlight Feature Of The Day: 1,000 Ways To Please Your Man
Every month Cosmopolitan Magazine has between 100-200 sex tips for women to please their man. Trust me that list doesn’t run passed number four and the fact that it is written by a woman means it’s total bullshit. Why? Because women think they know what they’re doing, but most of them are actually wrong.
First things first, like I said earlier, it’s written by a woman. How does this mystery woman know all these things? And if she knows all these things then she must be a total whore. To know 126 ways to please your guy, you are way passed the slut stage, you are now a whore.
Second, there are not as many ways to please a guy as these lists make it out to be. Trust me, this list consists of a good blowjob, doing his laundry, making him food and not speaking so fucking much. Other than those four things, you can’t do much more. If they tell you anything else, they’re lying. Men are a very simple species; it doesn’t take a whole lot to please us.
So there you have it, all that shit you read in magazines is complete and utter bullshit. If you really want to please your man, just ask him how to do it. He’ll give you the right answers and it will make both of you much happier. Trust me, I wouldn’t steer you wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
First things first, like I said earlier, it’s written by a woman. How does this mystery woman know all these things? And if she knows all these things then she must be a total whore. To know 126 ways to please your guy, you are way passed the slut stage, you are now a whore.
Second, there are not as many ways to please a guy as these lists make it out to be. Trust me, this list consists of a good blowjob, doing his laundry, making him food and not speaking so fucking much. Other than those four things, you can’t do much more. If they tell you anything else, they’re lying. Men are a very simple species; it doesn’t take a whole lot to please us.
So there you have it, all that shit you read in magazines is complete and utter bullshit. If you really want to please your man, just ask him how to do it. He’ll give you the right answers and it will make both of you much happier. Trust me, I wouldn’t steer you wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Asshole Of The Day Award
This guy is a genius...
http://www.fox8.com/news/wjw-news-ovi-suspect-drives-up-to-police,0,6815082.story
How about this guy just driving himself into a OVI. That is Operating a Vehicle While Intoxicated. He drove up to an accident, said he knew the people in the accident and then looked extremely unsettled and walked into a police sergeant. Oh, and then he pissed himself. If that doesn't give it away that you're shitfaced, I don't know what does. How much of a moron do you have to be to know you're drunk, but drive up to an accident scene surrounded by police anyway? Nicely done genius. If you pissed yourself there you'll probably shit yourself when you see some of these dudes trying to make you their girlfriend in prison.
http://www.fox8.com/news/wjw-news-ovi-suspect-drives-up-to-police,0,6815082.story
How about this guy just driving himself into a OVI. That is Operating a Vehicle While Intoxicated. He drove up to an accident, said he knew the people in the accident and then looked extremely unsettled and walked into a police sergeant. Oh, and then he pissed himself. If that doesn't give it away that you're shitfaced, I don't know what does. How much of a moron do you have to be to know you're drunk, but drive up to an accident scene surrounded by police anyway? Nicely done genius. If you pissed yourself there you'll probably shit yourself when you see some of these dudes trying to make you their girlfriend in prison.
Thursday: Drinking Game Of The Week
It's very simple this week. All you need is one ping pong ball and beer.
Drink Ball also known as Beer Ball:
This game is simple. Two teams on a beer pong table with each team having two beers on both of the corners of their side of the table.
The object is to peg the other team's cans with the ping pong ball. If sucessful you then chug your beer until the other team recovers that ball and places it on the table to signal you to stop.
The point of this game is to finish your beer first. So chug fast. This is a high paced game. But it does the trick. Don't expect to win a lot of games.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Drink Ball also known as Beer Ball:
This game is simple. Two teams on a beer pong table with each team having two beers on both of the corners of their side of the table.
The object is to peg the other team's cans with the ping pong ball. If sucessful you then chug your beer until the other team recovers that ball and places it on the table to signal you to stop.
The point of this game is to finish your beer first. So chug fast. This is a high paced game. But it does the trick. Don't expect to win a lot of games.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Highlight Feature Of The Day: Jerkoff Central
Just when I forgot why I don’t go out when I come home from school, I walked into a place and remembered every reason. The place was KJ’s or better known as jerkoff central. If you weren’t a juicehead or a tough guy, you were frowned upon, and stare downs took place as soon as you approached the steps to walk into the joint.
Going in and talking to people you know is fine, but it’s when you actually go get a drink that the jerkoffs start to come out. Saying excuse me to try and get to the bar is apparently the equivalent of hitting on some juicehead’s girlfriend. I never thought I would be looked at up and down just by saying excuse me so I could get a fucking drink. This kid looked like a keg being that he was 5 foot 1 and on steroids, so naturally he thought he was the toughest mother fucker in the place. Yeah, you’re the man bro.
Then watching kids watch the Bulls-Heat game was just priceless. You would have thought the Knicks were still in the playoffs the way these assholes were yelling at the TV. “Bro I got like fifteen dollar’s on this game bro,” was the phrase most often heard as these morons yelled at the top of their lungs. Needless to say, none of them knew anything about basketball.
Also, there’s this thing that the bartenders do when you order a beer, they flip a coin, you guess heads or tails and if you’re right you get the beer for free. I hear some dickhead behind me walk over to his friends and say, “What now bro 5 outta 6 what’s good? Heads, tails, tails, heads, tails and I got 5 free beers.” I retract my previous statement about the juicehead who stared me up and down. You sir, winning all the free beers, you are actually the man. Please get a life.
So there you have a gist of a little place known as jerkoff central. Once I get back home I’ll probably go back to see what type of laughter I can get out of spending an hour in the place. I’ll have material for days.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Going in and talking to people you know is fine, but it’s when you actually go get a drink that the jerkoffs start to come out. Saying excuse me to try and get to the bar is apparently the equivalent of hitting on some juicehead’s girlfriend. I never thought I would be looked at up and down just by saying excuse me so I could get a fucking drink. This kid looked like a keg being that he was 5 foot 1 and on steroids, so naturally he thought he was the toughest mother fucker in the place. Yeah, you’re the man bro.
Then watching kids watch the Bulls-Heat game was just priceless. You would have thought the Knicks were still in the playoffs the way these assholes were yelling at the TV. “Bro I got like fifteen dollar’s on this game bro,” was the phrase most often heard as these morons yelled at the top of their lungs. Needless to say, none of them knew anything about basketball.
Also, there’s this thing that the bartenders do when you order a beer, they flip a coin, you guess heads or tails and if you’re right you get the beer for free. I hear some dickhead behind me walk over to his friends and say, “What now bro 5 outta 6 what’s good? Heads, tails, tails, heads, tails and I got 5 free beers.” I retract my previous statement about the juicehead who stared me up and down. You sir, winning all the free beers, you are actually the man. Please get a life.
So there you have a gist of a little place known as jerkoff central. Once I get back home I’ll probably go back to see what type of laughter I can get out of spending an hour in the place. I’ll have material for days.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Asshole Of The Day Award
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNBSvpyu5pY
We have our asshole of the day on video today. Watch this giant asshole try to ride his bike between a tour bus and a pick up truck. He came out fine but he could have been pulverized easily. Hey guy, stop trying to show off on your stupid fucking bike and go around the traffic not through it. You almost made your friend with the video camera cry because he thought you were dead. If I was in the black pick up truck I would have kept driving just to prove the point of how much of an asshole you are. But that's just me. Stay tuned tomorrow for our 50th all time Asshole of the Day Award.
We have our asshole of the day on video today. Watch this giant asshole try to ride his bike between a tour bus and a pick up truck. He came out fine but he could have been pulverized easily. Hey guy, stop trying to show off on your stupid fucking bike and go around the traffic not through it. You almost made your friend with the video camera cry because he thought you were dead. If I was in the black pick up truck I would have kept driving just to prove the point of how much of an asshole you are. But that's just me. Stay tuned tomorrow for our 50th all time Asshole of the Day Award.
Apparently ESPN Loves To Party
http://deadspin.com/5802940/new-bits-from-espn-book-a-lot-of-drugs-quite-a-bit-of-screwing
A book has come out in regards to behind the scenes of ESPN. The first phrases that came to mind were "a lot of drugs" and "quite a bit of screwing". This sounds like an awesome job to me. All these people turning Christmas parties into frat parties and giant orgies, people doing drugs in the bathroom, anchors dealing pot; ESPN sounds like an adult version of going away to college. And apparently Chris Berman is a giant dickhead. I have to say, I'm not exactly surprised by this at all. Look at the guy, he thinks he's hot shit. Im willing to bet that dude couldn't get laid in a brothel, which is why he's probably so miserable. Regardless, it sounds like I need to sneak my way into an ESPN Christmas party to see where the real fun is. Clearly we now all know why this is everyone's dream job.
A book has come out in regards to behind the scenes of ESPN. The first phrases that came to mind were "a lot of drugs" and "quite a bit of screwing". This sounds like an awesome job to me. All these people turning Christmas parties into frat parties and giant orgies, people doing drugs in the bathroom, anchors dealing pot; ESPN sounds like an adult version of going away to college. And apparently Chris Berman is a giant dickhead. I have to say, I'm not exactly surprised by this at all. Look at the guy, he thinks he's hot shit. Im willing to bet that dude couldn't get laid in a brothel, which is why he's probably so miserable. Regardless, it sounds like I need to sneak my way into an ESPN Christmas party to see where the real fun is. Clearly we now all know why this is everyone's dream job.
Would You Rather Wednesday's
Today's is a little different than usual, but we like to try new things here...
VS 
Would you rather vicariously experience all the orgasms that go on in your zip code simultaneously, or have the Microsoft paper clip appear with sex tips while you're getting it on? Now depending on the area you live in that could be a very high rate of orgasms. On the flip side if you're in an area with older people, the rate can be very low. Therefore it really depends on your area. As for the paper clip, he could get a little annoying but during sex he may be helpful. What if he knows what the girl is thinking? Then you look like a god. I'm taking the paper clip here for the sheer fact that for all the shitty advice he'll probably give, that one time out of a hundred might possibly be the best sex advice anyone's ever given. It's worth a shot right?
VS 
Would you rather vicariously experience all the orgasms that go on in your zip code simultaneously, or have the Microsoft paper clip appear with sex tips while you're getting it on? Now depending on the area you live in that could be a very high rate of orgasms. On the flip side if you're in an area with older people, the rate can be very low. Therefore it really depends on your area. As for the paper clip, he could get a little annoying but during sex he may be helpful. What if he knows what the girl is thinking? Then you look like a god. I'm taking the paper clip here for the sheer fact that for all the shitty advice he'll probably give, that one time out of a hundred might possibly be the best sex advice anyone's ever given. It's worth a shot right?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Quote Of The Day
"You're old enough to be that girl's grandfather"
"And what the fuck is your point?"- Uncle Nicky
"And what the fuck is your point?"- Uncle Nicky
Highlight Feature Of The Day: What Makes Someone De-Friendable?
This is a topic that is always talked about but never actually addressed; the topic of making someone defriendable on facebook. Well it’s really more of people making themselves defriendable by their actions. It is all about what you bring to the facebook table. If you’re not bringing what people want, you are a prime candidate to be defriended.
The first criteria of defriendability is all about the facebook status. Do you share your daily schedule? Do you tell everyone how much you miss your boyfriend? And most importantly, do you sound like a fucking moron all the time? What also falls into this category is talking about sports when you have no idea what you’re actually talking about. Shit like this puts you on the defriendable list.
Next, how many times a day do you update your facebook profile picture? If you change your profile pic more than you change your underwear then this makes you defriendable. No one wants to see a new picture of you every hour and a half. Get a clue and stick to one fucking picture. You’ll have way more time to do productive shit also.
Finally, how often do you upload pictures of yourself in the mirror? This is what makes you completely defriendable. Usually after three uploads of yourself in the mirror, you are off my friend list. Sorry, but you love yourself way too much. Try finding a hobby of some sort to avoid staring in the mirror and taking a new picture every day.
There you have it, the list of what makes people facebook defriendable. If you fall under these three criteria you should probably change your ways before you start losing friends like crazy. Or you can just be in self-denial and think you don’t actually do any of these things. It’s up to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
The first criteria of defriendability is all about the facebook status. Do you share your daily schedule? Do you tell everyone how much you miss your boyfriend? And most importantly, do you sound like a fucking moron all the time? What also falls into this category is talking about sports when you have no idea what you’re actually talking about. Shit like this puts you on the defriendable list.
Next, how many times a day do you update your facebook profile picture? If you change your profile pic more than you change your underwear then this makes you defriendable. No one wants to see a new picture of you every hour and a half. Get a clue and stick to one fucking picture. You’ll have way more time to do productive shit also.
Finally, how often do you upload pictures of yourself in the mirror? This is what makes you completely defriendable. Usually after three uploads of yourself in the mirror, you are off my friend list. Sorry, but you love yourself way too much. Try finding a hobby of some sort to avoid staring in the mirror and taking a new picture every day.
There you have it, the list of what makes people facebook defriendable. If you fall under these three criteria you should probably change your ways before you start losing friends like crazy. Or you can just be in self-denial and think you don’t actually do any of these things. It’s up to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Asshole Of The Day Award
This is completely disgusting...
http://durangoherald.com/article/20110521/NEWS01/705209876/-1/s
When you get pulled over for suspicion of driving drunk what do you do? Do you A) Cooperate with the officer, B) Refuse to take the breathalizer or C) Ask to use the bathroom, eat your own shit, then spit it in the face of the cop? If you chose C, you are correct. What the fuck guy? That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my entire life, hands down. What would make you do something like that? You got caught driving drunk, take it like a man, you fucked up now you have to deal with it. Instead you eat your own shit and spit it at a police officer? Now you'll get to eat all the shit you want while you get ass raped in jail. Sounds harsh, but you deserve every bit of it.
http://durangoherald.com/article/20110521/NEWS01/705209876/-1/s
When you get pulled over for suspicion of driving drunk what do you do? Do you A) Cooperate with the officer, B) Refuse to take the breathalizer or C) Ask to use the bathroom, eat your own shit, then spit it in the face of the cop? If you chose C, you are correct. What the fuck guy? That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my entire life, hands down. What would make you do something like that? You got caught driving drunk, take it like a man, you fucked up now you have to deal with it. Instead you eat your own shit and spit it at a police officer? Now you'll get to eat all the shit you want while you get ass raped in jail. Sounds harsh, but you deserve every bit of it.
This Will Be Interesting...
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/tv-radio/kim-kardashian-and-snooki-stop-the-haters-in-new-reality-comedy-h8r/story-e6frf9ho-1226062036678
Apparently this fall Kim Kardashian and Snooki will have their own fucking show where they approach people who hate them and see what these people will say to their faces. The show is called H8R (real fucking original) and I'm assuming they'll just be approaching pretty much every person they see since everyone hates Snooki and the verdict is like 50/50 on Kimmy. Snooki I dare you to find me because I would love nothing more than to rip you to your face on television. Yes, this is me calling you out you little fucking troll. If you actually want to find me, I'll be waiting with an entire arsenal of shit I have always wanted to say to your face. Hopefully I'll see you this fall bitch.
Apparently this fall Kim Kardashian and Snooki will have their own fucking show where they approach people who hate them and see what these people will say to their faces. The show is called H8R (real fucking original) and I'm assuming they'll just be approaching pretty much every person they see since everyone hates Snooki and the verdict is like 50/50 on Kimmy. Snooki I dare you to find me because I would love nothing more than to rip you to your face on television. Yes, this is me calling you out you little fucking troll. If you actually want to find me, I'll be waiting with an entire arsenal of shit I have always wanted to say to your face. Hopefully I'll see you this fall bitch.
How Much Alcohol Would It Take Tuesday's
Today we have a world record holder for home runs during an Olympic tournament...
Is this Tito from Rocket Power, or a woman?
No that is not the real life version of Tito from the show Rocket Power, that is apparently a woman. Crystl Bustos is the name and she was a beast on the softball field back in her hay day. Look out ladies, she looks like she eats a mean rug. Regardless, how much alcohol would it take for me to even think about touching this robust human? This is tough because a fat chick with no tits might as well just be a fat dude. I think I would need an injection of Everclear, a couple of those eye shots of grain and then I would probably need to drink a 36 pack in about ten minutes. When all is said and done if I can get it up I might just let one go and hope for a stud athlete child. Best case scenario here is death by alcohol poisoning.
Is this Tito from Rocket Power, or a woman?
No that is not the real life version of Tito from the show Rocket Power, that is apparently a woman. Crystl Bustos is the name and she was a beast on the softball field back in her hay day. Look out ladies, she looks like she eats a mean rug. Regardless, how much alcohol would it take for me to even think about touching this robust human? This is tough because a fat chick with no tits might as well just be a fat dude. I think I would need an injection of Everclear, a couple of those eye shots of grain and then I would probably need to drink a 36 pack in about ten minutes. When all is said and done if I can get it up I might just let one go and hope for a stud athlete child. Best case scenario here is death by alcohol poisoning.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Settle Down Fella's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=mlSPKxDZHt4
Supposedly this is a video of a shark eating another shark. I don't believe it because you can't actually see shit. You see a fin, and that's about it. Then you hear a bunch of guys screaming like little school girls that just saw a spider under their feet. Settle down fella's, I'm pretty sure as long as you stay in the boat you'll be fine. A better video would have been if the asshole who kept throwing shit in the water got pulled in and eaten. That'll get you jacked up. In my opinion, this video is shit. But what do I know right? I just write these stupid ass blogs.
Supposedly this is a video of a shark eating another shark. I don't believe it because you can't actually see shit. You see a fin, and that's about it. Then you hear a bunch of guys screaming like little school girls that just saw a spider under their feet. Settle down fella's, I'm pretty sure as long as you stay in the boat you'll be fine. A better video would have been if the asshole who kept throwing shit in the water got pulled in and eaten. That'll get you jacked up. In my opinion, this video is shit. But what do I know right? I just write these stupid ass blogs.
Quote Of The Day
"Saying you don't like the Beatles is like saying you don't like the cure for cancer"-Edwards
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Highlight Feature Of The Day: Words With Friends
This fucking cell phone game Words With Friends has hit the world of digital culture by storm. Everyone plays it, they sit there and try to find the perfect word that they can get the most points out of and they even try to break records for how many games they can play at one time. It’s almost out of hand, but it doesn’t bother me that much.
I’ll tell you what does bother me about Words With Friends though, and that is cheaters. Is a fucking cell phone game that important that you need to go on dictionary.com to find words that no one has ever heard of before? Using dictionary.com for Words With Friends is the equivalent of steroids in baseball. As soon as one person’s secret about dictionary.com gets out, everyone fucking uses it. It takes away from the integrity of the game.
Let’s be honest, can you really look at yourself in the mirror and be happy with the person you see if you have to cheat during the electronic version of scrabble? I think you’re either way too competitive, or have some other types of issues. Maybe winning is just that important to you. Who knows?
This is why Words With Friends is bullshit. The cheaters have ruined it for everyone. If you’re going to play Words With Friends, do it the right way. Use your own fucking head. And by the way, everyone knows you’re a cheater when you take fifteen minutes to respond with a four letter word that Albert Einstein invented. Remember, you’re the one who has to look in the mirror later.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
I’ll tell you what does bother me about Words With Friends though, and that is cheaters. Is a fucking cell phone game that important that you need to go on dictionary.com to find words that no one has ever heard of before? Using dictionary.com for Words With Friends is the equivalent of steroids in baseball. As soon as one person’s secret about dictionary.com gets out, everyone fucking uses it. It takes away from the integrity of the game.
Let’s be honest, can you really look at yourself in the mirror and be happy with the person you see if you have to cheat during the electronic version of scrabble? I think you’re either way too competitive, or have some other types of issues. Maybe winning is just that important to you. Who knows?
This is why Words With Friends is bullshit. The cheaters have ruined it for everyone. If you’re going to play Words With Friends, do it the right way. Use your own fucking head. And by the way, everyone knows you’re a cheater when you take fifteen minutes to respond with a four letter word that Albert Einstein invented. Remember, you’re the one who has to look in the mirror later.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Asshole Of The Day Award
I don't even get surprised anymore by shit like this...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43114401/ns/us_news-weird_news/
Just your run of the mill argument at a Pizza Hut that involved a woman pulling a sword on people. Talk about things escalating quickly; in what way, shape, or form does an argument at a fucking Pizza Hut warrant pulling out a sword? How do you even get into an argument at a Pizza Hut to begin with? Were you arguing that there wasn't enough pepperoni on your shitty pizza or was there not enough cheese in your stuffed crust? I have no idea how any of this happens. But does it surprise me anymore? Absolutely not. I kind of expect shit like this to happen now a days. So lesson learned, when going into a Pizza Hut watch out for sword wielding women.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43114401/ns/us_news-weird_news/
Just your run of the mill argument at a Pizza Hut that involved a woman pulling a sword on people. Talk about things escalating quickly; in what way, shape, or form does an argument at a fucking Pizza Hut warrant pulling out a sword? How do you even get into an argument at a Pizza Hut to begin with? Were you arguing that there wasn't enough pepperoni on your shitty pizza or was there not enough cheese in your stuffed crust? I have no idea how any of this happens. But does it surprise me anymore? Absolutely not. I kind of expect shit like this to happen now a days. So lesson learned, when going into a Pizza Hut watch out for sword wielding women.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Fred Wilpon Shits On The Mets
http://sports.espn.go.com/new-york/mlb/news/story?id=6577486
You know what? I have to say that I agree with the fucking guy. He might be a cheap fuck who doesn't spend any money on his team, but he is absolutely right about all the shit he said. He must have been fucked up to say this shit though. Like when he said that Reyes thinks he's getting Carl Crawford money, but since he's had everything wrong with him (in terms of injuries) he won't get it. Saying that some schmuck gave Beltran the money based on his one post-season with the Astros and that he's on 70 percent of what he was. Saying that Wright is a really good kid and a very good player, but he's not a superstar; and when he was asked if they were cursed he laughed and made a check swing motion in regards to Beltran looking at strike three in game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. The guy has everything right except for the fact that YOU'RE THE FUCKING OWNER and you don't bash your players to the media like that. This is why the organization is shit. Do I agree with the shit you said? Yes. Do I think you should have stated it publicly? Absolutely not. You defend your players to the death regardless you fucking asshole. Now no one is going to want to play for this franchise for years. I might as well become a fucking Rays fan at this point. At least it'll only cost $12 to go to a fucking game.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
You know what? I have to say that I agree with the fucking guy. He might be a cheap fuck who doesn't spend any money on his team, but he is absolutely right about all the shit he said. He must have been fucked up to say this shit though. Like when he said that Reyes thinks he's getting Carl Crawford money, but since he's had everything wrong with him (in terms of injuries) he won't get it. Saying that some schmuck gave Beltran the money based on his one post-season with the Astros and that he's on 70 percent of what he was. Saying that Wright is a really good kid and a very good player, but he's not a superstar; and when he was asked if they were cursed he laughed and made a check swing motion in regards to Beltran looking at strike three in game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. The guy has everything right except for the fact that YOU'RE THE FUCKING OWNER and you don't bash your players to the media like that. This is why the organization is shit. Do I agree with the shit you said? Yes. Do I think you should have stated it publicly? Absolutely not. You defend your players to the death regardless you fucking asshole. Now no one is going to want to play for this franchise for years. I might as well become a fucking Rays fan at this point. At least it'll only cost $12 to go to a fucking game.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Anna Kournikova To Be The Next Biggest Loser Trainer
http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/anna-kournikova-to-be-the-biggest-loser-trainer_1220663
I really don't have much to say about this subject matter. I think Anna Kournikova is hot as fuck and her training me would be a slow form of torture to see how hot she really is. But is she the trainer in reference to the show, or was she picked because of her god awful performance on the tennis court? I guess we'll soon find out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
I really don't have much to say about this subject matter. I think Anna Kournikova is hot as fuck and her training me would be a slow form of torture to see how hot she really is. But is she the trainer in reference to the show, or was she picked because of her god awful performance on the tennis court? I guess we'll soon find out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
When Hiding Pot In Your Vagina Goes Wrong
http://www.press-citizen.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2011105210315
Well I have no idea how cops could find pot in this woman's vagina, but they somehow managed to do it. Actually, when you get arrested for drunk driving at 7 at night, there's mistake number one. Being high and drunk while driving is mistake number two. Then when they book you, the shit really hits the fan and they find pot in your vagina. This is what we would call brilliance at its finest. When you're drunk and high before 7 on a Sunday night, and there is no reason other than you were bored; I think it's time to admit you have a problem. On the bright side, who knows what you'll be able to hide in your vagina while you're in jail?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Well I have no idea how cops could find pot in this woman's vagina, but they somehow managed to do it. Actually, when you get arrested for drunk driving at 7 at night, there's mistake number one. Being high and drunk while driving is mistake number two. Then when they book you, the shit really hits the fan and they find pot in your vagina. This is what we would call brilliance at its finest. When you're drunk and high before 7 on a Sunday night, and there is no reason other than you were bored; I think it's time to admit you have a problem. On the bright side, who knows what you'll be able to hide in your vagina while you're in jail?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
Fireside Chats Episode 4
Here is this week's episode in regards to the end of the world. It's shorter than the last couple but it should still suffice. There are only two more episodes left in season one so stay tuned. As always, let us know what you think so we can make you all a better show. Hope you enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0l_to002Y
2011 Conference Champs
I know no one really cares except for the people who go to Sacred Heart but I really don't give a shit. Sacred Heart University Baseball the 2011 NEC Champions and here is how it all went down. Actually, you can just fast forward to the 4 minute and 30 second mark for the dance party...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=aXB6Yp3SI4s#at=10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=aXB6Yp3SI4s#at=10
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Asshole(s) Of The Month Award
I know May isn't over yet but no act of assholeness will top these two morons...
http://www.silive.com/news/index.ssf/2011/05/doomsday_code_author_admits_he.html
Harold Camping, Asshole number one and Robert Fitzpatrick, Asshole number two are the two jerkoff's who said the world would end at exactly 6pm yesterday. Mr. Fitzpatrick said he has no idea how his calculations could be wrong but he admitted being wrong. Mr. Camping is just a flat out moron. Either way, we're all still here and there are no calculations to predict when the fucking world will end. Do yourselves a favor and go out and have a couple of drinks, then go to the strip club with the $140,000 dollars you spent on subway and billboard ads and get a few VIP room lap dances. Trust me it's a much better life than what you two morons do. Or you could just keep throwing guesses out there about when the world is going to end. If you just keep guessing, eventually you might be right. Anyway, here's your award, wear it with pride...
http://www.silive.com/news/index.ssf/2011/05/doomsday_code_author_admits_he.html
Harold Camping, Asshole number one and Robert Fitzpatrick, Asshole number two are the two jerkoff's who said the world would end at exactly 6pm yesterday. Mr. Fitzpatrick said he has no idea how his calculations could be wrong but he admitted being wrong. Mr. Camping is just a flat out moron. Either way, we're all still here and there are no calculations to predict when the fucking world will end. Do yourselves a favor and go out and have a couple of drinks, then go to the strip club with the $140,000 dollars you spent on subway and billboard ads and get a few VIP room lap dances. Trust me it's a much better life than what you two morons do. Or you could just keep throwing guesses out there about when the world is going to end. If you just keep guessing, eventually you might be right. Anyway, here's your award, wear it with pride...
Saturday, May 21, 2011
A Message For Harold Camping
Everybody's favorite Irishman, Tommy the Mic has a little message for end of the world guru Harold Camping...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0
Macho Man Randy Savage Dies In Car Accident
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=6570335
At 58 years old one of the greatest wrestler's of my childhood, The Macho Man Randy Savage is dead. It was sad to hear because this guy was truly one of a kind. Macho Man, thanks for the memories. Here is a video tribute to you bud. "I can't sing and I can't dance but I can make romance...and the beat goes on."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK7J0jYKpiY
At 58 years old one of the greatest wrestler's of my childhood, The Macho Man Randy Savage is dead. It was sad to hear because this guy was truly one of a kind. Macho Man, thanks for the memories. Here is a video tribute to you bud. "I can't sing and I can't dance but I can make romance...and the beat goes on."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK7J0jYKpiY
The World Is Coming To An End…Again?
What do you know, the same group of assholes that have been predicting the apocalypse for the last like fifty years are at it again. Are you shitting me? First of all, I have no idea why they give these assholes air time on TV and the radio. Second of all, this giant asshole said he had the calculations wrong last time but this time he definitely has the right calculations. I forgot that there were calculations to find out when exactly the world is going to end you fucking moron.
Also, they put an exact time on the end of the world. 6-9:30pm is the approximate time that we’ll all be dead. Once again, you’re a bunch of assholes that are saying shit like this to get publicity. I’ll tell you one thing right the fuck now; I’m not drinking their fucking kool-aid. I personally think these people are a bunch of jerk off’s who need to get laid and have a beer. I love how we moved the date up from December 21, 2012 all of a sudden to May 21, 2011. The bible says you know not the day or the hour and suddenly we have exact dates and times. Who’s the bullshitter? Probably both.
If you guys need reassurance to know that everything is just fine, you have it in me. I have been at Mohegan Sun the last two nights and I haven’t won a cent. If I won any sort of money, I would say we’re all probably going to die. But as long as I keep losing, everything is just fine.
And hey, if you need an excuse to get shitfaced and get laid I would say throw a party. Today should be like fishing with dynamite in terms of getting laid. Just tell the girl you want to feel what it’s like to have sex one last time before you die, guaranteed she’s jumping in the sheets with you within five minutes. But in case the world doesn’t end, be sure to use some form of protection. You don't want to have to explain to your parents why they will be grandparents in nine months if you happen to wake up tomorrow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Also, they put an exact time on the end of the world. 6-9:30pm is the approximate time that we’ll all be dead. Once again, you’re a bunch of assholes that are saying shit like this to get publicity. I’ll tell you one thing right the fuck now; I’m not drinking their fucking kool-aid. I personally think these people are a bunch of jerk off’s who need to get laid and have a beer. I love how we moved the date up from December 21, 2012 all of a sudden to May 21, 2011. The bible says you know not the day or the hour and suddenly we have exact dates and times. Who’s the bullshitter? Probably both.
If you guys need reassurance to know that everything is just fine, you have it in me. I have been at Mohegan Sun the last two nights and I haven’t won a cent. If I won any sort of money, I would say we’re all probably going to die. But as long as I keep losing, everything is just fine.
And hey, if you need an excuse to get shitfaced and get laid I would say throw a party. Today should be like fishing with dynamite in terms of getting laid. Just tell the girl you want to feel what it’s like to have sex one last time before you die, guaranteed she’s jumping in the sheets with you within five minutes. But in case the world doesn’t end, be sure to use some form of protection. You don't want to have to explain to your parents why they will be grandparents in nine months if you happen to wake up tomorrow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Friday, May 20, 2011
Highlight Feature Of The Day: When Do Women Decide Who They’re Sleeping With
There is a question that has been burning in my mind lately, and that question is at when point do women decide they are sleeping with a guy. I’m not talking about relationships, I am talking about when they go out and decide that they are definitely going home with a particular guy that night.
Like is it when they first say hello? Maybe the guy looks good, or smells good and they decide at the hello point that they are having sex with this guy tonight. This seems like a decent theory because maybe a girl just decides this on the spot, I don’t really know.
Is it later in the night when the guy actually tries to put in some work? Does a girl wait to feel the guy out and see how interested he really is? This seems like a pretty good assumption I think. Maybe this totally isn’t true at all, but who knows.
Or could it possibly be that a girl decides before she even says hello to a specific guy. Does a girl decide when she first see’s a guy that she is definitely going home with that guy tonight? This sounds incredibly slutty, but maybe women actually do this.
The reason I dare to ask these questions is because women control the sex. As tough as it is for any guy to admit, if a woman doesn’t want to have sex, you’re not having sex. So ladies, what is your response? When do you decide who you are sleeping with on a particular night?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Like is it when they first say hello? Maybe the guy looks good, or smells good and they decide at the hello point that they are having sex with this guy tonight. This seems like a decent theory because maybe a girl just decides this on the spot, I don’t really know.
Is it later in the night when the guy actually tries to put in some work? Does a girl wait to feel the guy out and see how interested he really is? This seems like a pretty good assumption I think. Maybe this totally isn’t true at all, but who knows.
Or could it possibly be that a girl decides before she even says hello to a specific guy. Does a girl decide when she first see’s a guy that she is definitely going home with that guy tonight? This sounds incredibly slutty, but maybe women actually do this.
The reason I dare to ask these questions is because women control the sex. As tough as it is for any guy to admit, if a woman doesn’t want to have sex, you’re not having sex. So ladies, what is your response? When do you decide who you are sleeping with on a particular night?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Asshole Of The Day Award
Just an example of some fine parenting...
http://www.click2houston.com/news/27958370/detail.html
It's safe to say that this father completely fucked up on his parenting responsibilities. His 14 year old son was trying to show him a skateboarding trick while holding onto the passengers side of the car his father was driving. What do you know, the kid fell off and hit his head. Now he has serious head injuries. Guess what? Tell your fucking kid to put a helmet on if you're going to help him with skateboarding shit. You let him hold onto your car without wearing anything. You're on fucking crack, guy. And the fact that you were going 10mph didn't help because that's entirely too fast. Take notes on what not to do when you have a kid. Because this guy is definitely not the model parent.
http://www.click2houston.com/news/27958370/detail.html
It's safe to say that this father completely fucked up on his parenting responsibilities. His 14 year old son was trying to show him a skateboarding trick while holding onto the passengers side of the car his father was driving. What do you know, the kid fell off and hit his head. Now he has serious head injuries. Guess what? Tell your fucking kid to put a helmet on if you're going to help him with skateboarding shit. You let him hold onto your car without wearing anything. You're on fucking crack, guy. And the fact that you were going 10mph didn't help because that's entirely too fast. Take notes on what not to do when you have a kid. Because this guy is definitely not the model parent.
Come On Arnold You're Better Than This...
Why did Arnold Schwarzeneggar cheat on his wife with this creature?
Look at this woman. If I would have known who she was back in February, she would have easily had a spot on our women's celebrity football team. How do you cheat on your hot wife with an animal that looks like this. Basically Arnold went out of his way to harpoon this thing and then have a kid with her. I guess his eye sight must have gotten screwed up from smoking all that weed. Whatever, either way, I am contacting Mr. Schwarzeneggar for an interview in the coming weeks. Patiently wait for Episode 5 of my Fireside Chats where the Governator will let it all hang loose.
Look at this woman. If I would have known who she was back in February, she would have easily had a spot on our women's celebrity football team. How do you cheat on your hot wife with an animal that looks like this. Basically Arnold went out of his way to harpoon this thing and then have a kid with her. I guess his eye sight must have gotten screwed up from smoking all that weed. Whatever, either way, I am contacting Mr. Schwarzeneggar for an interview in the coming weeks. Patiently wait for Episode 5 of my Fireside Chats where the Governator will let it all hang loose.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Pre Game Song Of The Weekend
Obviously everything had to go up extremely early today because I have a busy day and won't be able to bring you all blogs at spread out times....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLqdRmwY6vc
This week we have Dynamite by Taio Cruz. Why? Well this is actually for all the seniors who just graduated college. The reason is because at the beginning of the year, actually back in the first semester in the fall, this was the song that was hot. You all remember hearing this shit before you went out thinking just because you heard this song that it was going to be a good night. This brings you back and gets you ready to go. That's why it's this weeks pick for pre game song of the weekend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLqdRmwY6vc
This week we have Dynamite by Taio Cruz. Why? Well this is actually for all the seniors who just graduated college. The reason is because at the beginning of the year, actually back in the first semester in the fall, this was the song that was hot. You all remember hearing this shit before you went out thinking just because you heard this song that it was going to be a good night. This brings you back and gets you ready to go. That's why it's this weeks pick for pre game song of the weekend.
Body Drop: How A Legend Was Born
The story of Body Drop goes back three years in a time before Apple TV. This may very well be the greatest story I have ever heard when it comes to thinking of a name for anything. Actually, it is the greatest story I have ever heard, hopefully my writing about it lives up to the hype.
My buddy had this bong. He will remain nameless for the obvious reasons. It happened to be his first one, so it was like his baby. He was telling us the story about how he actually came up with it's name. It all started in the car with two of his friends as they were just driving and the bong was sitting on my friends lap, just a little guy who hadn't been named yet.
They go to one of their houses and start watching TV. The show Monster Jam happened to be on and there was this guy on the show who was like a sidekick. He was a little midget that acted as a test dummy of sorts. I was actually told that the midget basically flew off the top of a car and got up like it was nothing. The midgets name happened to be Body Drop.
As they're watching the show, Body Drop comes onto the screen. My buddy's friend lifts his arms in the air, points, and yells out, "I got it. His name is Body Drop". Ever since then, Body Drop stuck. Just the perfect way of naming something when you can't think of anything. You just have to let it happen sometimes, and in this case a legend was born.
My buddy had this bong. He will remain nameless for the obvious reasons. It happened to be his first one, so it was like his baby. He was telling us the story about how he actually came up with it's name. It all started in the car with two of his friends as they were just driving and the bong was sitting on my friends lap, just a little guy who hadn't been named yet.
They go to one of their houses and start watching TV. The show Monster Jam happened to be on and there was this guy on the show who was like a sidekick. He was a little midget that acted as a test dummy of sorts. I was actually told that the midget basically flew off the top of a car and got up like it was nothing. The midgets name happened to be Body Drop.
As they're watching the show, Body Drop comes onto the screen. My buddy's friend lifts his arms in the air, points, and yells out, "I got it. His name is Body Drop". Ever since then, Body Drop stuck. Just the perfect way of naming something when you can't think of anything. You just have to let it happen sometimes, and in this case a legend was born.
Highlight Feature Of The Day: Extra Innings
By no means am I talking about baseball here; I’m talking about college. Although graduation happened to be on Sunday, there are still some seniors who are in what I like to call “Extra Innings” of their college career. Once you stay to party after graduation, you are in extra innings of Game 7 of the World Series at this point. I just didn’t know how many of these people were still left before last night.
I’m sitting on my friends couch and we’re just hanging out, drinking and watching surf videos when two more friends make their way over to the house. They happen to get in touch with other people who are still here and we end up at a small form of a party. It was more of an organized get together with drinking games, but let’s call it a small party in laymen’s terms.
Anyway, we get there and there is an intense game of civil war happening. I knew right there that my night of just hanging drinking a few beers was over and done with. The next game played was called Get The Fuck Out or Slap The Cup, either one could apply. Fucking game is crazy; I probably can’t even explain it on the blog. It’s just like quarters, except with cups, a ping-pong ball and like 100 cups of beer in the middle. The game was fun, of course I got fucked at the end and had to drink the cups that actually had more than a sip in them but whatever it’s cool. No hard feelings. I’ll also add that it might be the most environmentally unfriendly game ever as people are just slapping cups all over the fucking place. Floors, rugs, ceilings, I even think I saw a few hanging on lights and shit. Someone needs to come up with an environmentally friendly way to play.
This game is followed by 21 cup. I got matched up with a heavyweight title contender and had to go punch for punch with him. I held my own thank god, which helped my team win the game. I still think the kid I was matched up with hit so many cups I was seeing double towards the end. Nonetheless, the intensity level brought by both teams to this game was awesome to watch.
What I learned from all of this is that no one really wants college to end. We all want to do exactly what we are doing now. Obviously, that can’t happen, but it is wishful thinking. My advice is to drag on extra innings as long as you possibly can, before becoming a real adult. Extra innings is like limbo. You’re done with college, but you’re not a real adult yet. Stay in limbo for a little bit, it’s a much better time from what I hear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
I’m sitting on my friends couch and we’re just hanging out, drinking and watching surf videos when two more friends make their way over to the house. They happen to get in touch with other people who are still here and we end up at a small form of a party. It was more of an organized get together with drinking games, but let’s call it a small party in laymen’s terms.
Anyway, we get there and there is an intense game of civil war happening. I knew right there that my night of just hanging drinking a few beers was over and done with. The next game played was called Get The Fuck Out or Slap The Cup, either one could apply. Fucking game is crazy; I probably can’t even explain it on the blog. It’s just like quarters, except with cups, a ping-pong ball and like 100 cups of beer in the middle. The game was fun, of course I got fucked at the end and had to drink the cups that actually had more than a sip in them but whatever it’s cool. No hard feelings. I’ll also add that it might be the most environmentally unfriendly game ever as people are just slapping cups all over the fucking place. Floors, rugs, ceilings, I even think I saw a few hanging on lights and shit. Someone needs to come up with an environmentally friendly way to play.
This game is followed by 21 cup. I got matched up with a heavyweight title contender and had to go punch for punch with him. I held my own thank god, which helped my team win the game. I still think the kid I was matched up with hit so many cups I was seeing double towards the end. Nonetheless, the intensity level brought by both teams to this game was awesome to watch.
What I learned from all of this is that no one really wants college to end. We all want to do exactly what we are doing now. Obviously, that can’t happen, but it is wishful thinking. My advice is to drag on extra innings as long as you possibly can, before becoming a real adult. Extra innings is like limbo. You’re done with college, but you’re not a real adult yet. Stay in limbo for a little bit, it’s a much better time from what I hear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Asshole Of The Day Award
Today's Asshole Of The Day Award happens to be everyone's favorite Stewie impersonator who needs to be more aware of his surroundings when drinking...
What's wrong with these cups?
I'm playing beer pong with my friend Greg and I hit a cup that actually falls over. Greg goes to drink the cup and says, "There's no beer in that cup. Actually, there's no beer in any of these cups." He then proceeded to walk away shamefully with his head down as he forgot to fill up his cups for our one on one beer pong match. The main premise of the game is to drink. If there is no beer in the cups you just have two giant assholes throwing a ping pong ball back and forth. It doesn't matter how fucked up you are, you have to know that the beer comes first. It's just one of those unwritten rules you can't forget about. Atta boy Greg, get 'em next time.
Sidenote: There was actually beer in two of the cups that he hadn't drank from the game before. This just made him look like a bigger asshole.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
What's wrong with these cups?
I'm playing beer pong with my friend Greg and I hit a cup that actually falls over. Greg goes to drink the cup and says, "There's no beer in that cup. Actually, there's no beer in any of these cups." He then proceeded to walk away shamefully with his head down as he forgot to fill up his cups for our one on one beer pong match. The main premise of the game is to drink. If there is no beer in the cups you just have two giant assholes throwing a ping pong ball back and forth. It doesn't matter how fucked up you are, you have to know that the beer comes first. It's just one of those unwritten rules you can't forget about. Atta boy Greg, get 'em next time.
Sidenote: There was actually beer in two of the cups that he hadn't drank from the game before. This just made him look like a bigger asshole.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
If There's No Football This Fall, There's No Need To Worry
Because we can always watch this game...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPCYP6YTDAg
What the fuck is this? Just a bunch of Chinese people killing each other to try and get on top of that piece of wood. This shit looks intense. I'm telling you, the Chinese really have no regard for human life whatsoever. Guys are getting punched in the face, kicked in the back of the head, I'm sure there are some at the bottom getting trampled and no one gives a shit. All they care about is going after that pole. A bunch of dudes going after a pole actually does sound kind of gay, but that's neither here nor there. If I can't watch football this fall, I'm watching this. Let's just call it Chinese Pole Brawling for now until we figure out the real name.
Sidenote: Watch this dude in blue fly across the screen at about the 1:25 mark. He comes in from the left, you can't miss him. Also watch the guys who are supposed to be the referee's in the orange jackets. What do they exactly do? I have no idea because this looks like the easiest sport to be in charge of ever since there are no fucking rules.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPCYP6YTDAg
What the fuck is this? Just a bunch of Chinese people killing each other to try and get on top of that piece of wood. This shit looks intense. I'm telling you, the Chinese really have no regard for human life whatsoever. Guys are getting punched in the face, kicked in the back of the head, I'm sure there are some at the bottom getting trampled and no one gives a shit. All they care about is going after that pole. A bunch of dudes going after a pole actually does sound kind of gay, but that's neither here nor there. If I can't watch football this fall, I'm watching this. Let's just call it Chinese Pole Brawling for now until we figure out the real name.
Sidenote: Watch this dude in blue fly across the screen at about the 1:25 mark. He comes in from the left, you can't miss him. Also watch the guys who are supposed to be the referee's in the orange jackets. What do they exactly do? I have no idea because this looks like the easiest sport to be in charge of ever since there are no fucking rules.
This Is Actually Amusing
This headline is pretty hysterical...
http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/5410513-417/woman-missing-since-she-got-lost.html
Oh and before I forget, to my friend Nicole, I made it home safe and sound so now you don't have to worry about not being able to read my blogs. Anyway, the actual headline for this fucking article is "Woman Missing Since She Got Lost". Are ya kiddin' with that? You couldn't come up with a better headline? Did you even think about what that sounds like? Could you imagine calling up her family and asking how long this woman's been missing and their only response was, "Since she got lost". People like this get paid to write, while people like me don't get anything for writing stuff that more people read, with headlines that make sense. I guess it really is about who you know, not what you know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/5410513-417/woman-missing-since-she-got-lost.html
Oh and before I forget, to my friend Nicole, I made it home safe and sound so now you don't have to worry about not being able to read my blogs. Anyway, the actual headline for this fucking article is "Woman Missing Since She Got Lost". Are ya kiddin' with that? You couldn't come up with a better headline? Did you even think about what that sounds like? Could you imagine calling up her family and asking how long this woman's been missing and their only response was, "Since she got lost". People like this get paid to write, while people like me don't get anything for writing stuff that more people read, with headlines that make sense. I guess it really is about who you know, not what you know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Thursday: Drinking Game Of The Week
This week isn't really a game, it's more of a test of endurance...
100 Beer Club:
You have from Thursday at midnight to Sunday at midnight or just any 72 hour period to drink exactly 100 beers. Once you do it, you are a member for life. The only words I have for you on this one are good luck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
100 Beer Club:
You have from Thursday at midnight to Sunday at midnight or just any 72 hour period to drink exactly 100 beers. Once you do it, you are a member for life. The only words I have for you on this one are good luck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Another Way Of Making America Fatter And Lazier...
http://blog.seattlepi.com/thebigblog/2011/05/17/no-officer-theyre-just-melatonin-laced-brownies/
As if hash brownies weren't enough, they have come out with a legal type of laced brownie. These brownies are called Lazy Cakes and they're laced with melatonin. It is known as a relaxation dessert. You have to be fucking kidding me? Everyone complains about obesity in America and now this shit comes out. If you really want to do nothing with your life then I suggest eating these. And by the way, if you actually get caught with weed brownies you're a fucking idiot. There is no need for these so-called Lazy Cakes. If you need to relax that bad, go have a drink. Just another reason why China keeps passing us in every aspect of being a country.
As if hash brownies weren't enough, they have come out with a legal type of laced brownie. These brownies are called Lazy Cakes and they're laced with melatonin. It is known as a relaxation dessert. You have to be fucking kidding me? Everyone complains about obesity in America and now this shit comes out. If you really want to do nothing with your life then I suggest eating these. And by the way, if you actually get caught with weed brownies you're a fucking idiot. There is no need for these so-called Lazy Cakes. If you need to relax that bad, go have a drink. Just another reason why China keeps passing us in every aspect of being a country.
Highlight Feature Of The Day: Why Guys Rip Their Hair Out
This may be tough for some women to understand, but you ladies are the reason why men are assholes. I know that may come as a shock to all of you, but it’s true. Once a guy has been fucked over one too many times, he is done. And even if he commits to a girl, he’ll always have that shadow of doubt in the back of his mind.
For example, when a guy decided to finally get back on the horse and give it a try with a specific girl, he always thinks at first that she’s different. He also pretends in front of her that he is fine with her going out with her friends, meanwhile deep down he’s livid. Not livid that she’s out with her friends, livid because he doesn’t know what she’s going to do when he’s not around.
Although he doesn’t actually know what she is doing when he isn’t around, he thinks the worst. This is what guys do once they have been fucked over. Once a guy is fucked over, every girl is the same in his eyes. All girls seem like lying, cheating whores who can’t be trusted.
However, it is not the guys fault for thinking this way. Usually he has been cheated on or left for another guy. Therefore, it is ingrained in his head that girls are sluts that you can’t trust.
Ladies, this is why your boyfriend is probably ripping his hair out when you say you’re going out. Probably because every time he’s trusted a girl, she has cheated on him. You can say you’re a different girl but until proven otherwise, it doesn’t matter in his head. Long story short; don’t be that girl who turns that nice guy into an asshole.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
For example, when a guy decided to finally get back on the horse and give it a try with a specific girl, he always thinks at first that she’s different. He also pretends in front of her that he is fine with her going out with her friends, meanwhile deep down he’s livid. Not livid that she’s out with her friends, livid because he doesn’t know what she’s going to do when he’s not around.
Although he doesn’t actually know what she is doing when he isn’t around, he thinks the worst. This is what guys do once they have been fucked over. Once a guy is fucked over, every girl is the same in his eyes. All girls seem like lying, cheating whores who can’t be trusted.
However, it is not the guys fault for thinking this way. Usually he has been cheated on or left for another guy. Therefore, it is ingrained in his head that girls are sluts that you can’t trust.
Ladies, this is why your boyfriend is probably ripping his hair out when you say you’re going out. Probably because every time he’s trusted a girl, she has cheated on him. You can say you’re a different girl but until proven otherwise, it doesn’t matter in his head. Long story short; don’t be that girl who turns that nice guy into an asshole.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
This Is What Happens During College Baseball Rain Delays...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkuhqsnZF7Y
Never seen this one before but it is a pretty original idea. Dude in the grey gets absolutely owned by the dude in the red. Like it wasn't even a contest bro, you got your shit rocked. If you're going to be the one from your team to do this at least show up and put up a battle. You just ended up getting annihilated. Terrible performance by the dude in grey.
Never seen this one before but it is a pretty original idea. Dude in the grey gets absolutely owned by the dude in the red. Like it wasn't even a contest bro, you got your shit rocked. If you're going to be the one from your team to do this at least show up and put up a battle. You just ended up getting annihilated. Terrible performance by the dude in grey.
Asshole(s) Of The Day Award
Today we have two morons that make you scratch your head...
http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/article/192735/58/Chicken-Nugget-Hankering-Lands-Broward-Men-In-Jail
When you're in a school filled with computers, office equipment and tons of other expensive shit what do you steal? None of the above actually. Instead you steal 30 pounds of frozen chicken nuggets. Why? I have absolutely no idea. These two assholes pried open the freezer to try and steal 30 pounds of chicken fucking nuggets. You could have taken anything else in the entire place and you pick shitty ass cafeteria frozen nuggets. What are you two still in fifth grade? I do have bad news though. I hear they don't offer chicken nuggets on the jail menu so you two are shit out of luck. Next time try stealing something that's worth going to jail over.
http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/article/192735/58/Chicken-Nugget-Hankering-Lands-Broward-Men-In-Jail
When you're in a school filled with computers, office equipment and tons of other expensive shit what do you steal? None of the above actually. Instead you steal 30 pounds of frozen chicken nuggets. Why? I have absolutely no idea. These two assholes pried open the freezer to try and steal 30 pounds of chicken fucking nuggets. You could have taken anything else in the entire place and you pick shitty ass cafeteria frozen nuggets. What are you two still in fifth grade? I do have bad news though. I hear they don't offer chicken nuggets on the jail menu so you two are shit out of luck. Next time try stealing something that's worth going to jail over.
Would You Rather Wednesday's
Today we find out just how important money and looks are to you...
VS 
Rich Guy Poor Guy
So today we ask would you rather be ugly and rich, or poor and good looking. This is a very tough question because you could be poor and good looking and still not get girls because you don't have any money. Women want to date guys who are going to be able to support them. If you can't support them, they don't want you. On the other hand, if you're ugly and rich, girls only want your money, not you. Basically they're all gold diggers. But you know what? I'm taking ugly and rich on this one. Even if she's only there for the money and faking the orgasms, I'm still having sex with her. And she's probably hot because hot girls only look for money ninety percent of the time. That would equal a win for me.
VS 
Rich Guy Poor Guy
So today we ask would you rather be ugly and rich, or poor and good looking. This is a very tough question because you could be poor and good looking and still not get girls because you don't have any money. Women want to date guys who are going to be able to support them. If you can't support them, they don't want you. On the other hand, if you're ugly and rich, girls only want your money, not you. Basically they're all gold diggers. But you know what? I'm taking ugly and rich on this one. Even if she's only there for the money and faking the orgasms, I'm still having sex with her. And she's probably hot because hot girls only look for money ninety percent of the time. That would equal a win for me.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Quote Of The Day
Me: "So who's the driver?"
"We'll unless you want to film a DUI happening, I'm not"- Greg DePalma
"We'll unless you want to film a DUI happening, I'm not"- Greg DePalma
Highlight Feature Of The Day: Women Can’t Drive
Girls, don’t get too pissed off at me but this is a subject that has driven me crazy for such a long time. I have no idea why the two hardest things for a woman to do are admit that she’s wrong and drive a car. It baffles my mind how one entire gender can be in love with their break lights so much. Anyway, here are some reasons why women can’t drive.
Break Lights: Why do all women use break lights when they are totally unnecessary? Going down a hill with no one in front of them is probably a woman’s favorite time to use her break lights. Instead of taking your foot off the gas and just rolling, you decide to break and waste gas. Not only that but you piss off every person behind you who is trying to just cruise.
Never Knowing Where You’re Going: When a lady has no idea where she’s going is probably the worst time to be behind them in a car. They always come to a dead stop in the middle of the street and panic. They’ll stop traffic and look around for five minutes forcing everyone behind them to flip out and go around them. Usually horn honking and flipping the bird take place as you pass.
Baby On Board Signs: You drive so bad that you actually make people want to ram into your car on purpose. Then we see that goddamn Baby On Board sign, we realize that we can’t hit you because your kid shouldn’t be punished for how shitty you drive. Can you please keep up with the flow of traffic and maybe hit 40mph? It’s really not that hard.
I’m sure there are plenty of other reasons that women can’t drive but no one likes when these things drag on too long. That is in a nutshell why women should not be allowed to drive cars. Also, if you see a woman driving a mini van be sure to stay far away. Those are the absolute worst type of women drivers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Break Lights: Why do all women use break lights when they are totally unnecessary? Going down a hill with no one in front of them is probably a woman’s favorite time to use her break lights. Instead of taking your foot off the gas and just rolling, you decide to break and waste gas. Not only that but you piss off every person behind you who is trying to just cruise.
Never Knowing Where You’re Going: When a lady has no idea where she’s going is probably the worst time to be behind them in a car. They always come to a dead stop in the middle of the street and panic. They’ll stop traffic and look around for five minutes forcing everyone behind them to flip out and go around them. Usually horn honking and flipping the bird take place as you pass.
Baby On Board Signs: You drive so bad that you actually make people want to ram into your car on purpose. Then we see that goddamn Baby On Board sign, we realize that we can’t hit you because your kid shouldn’t be punished for how shitty you drive. Can you please keep up with the flow of traffic and maybe hit 40mph? It’s really not that hard.
I’m sure there are plenty of other reasons that women can’t drive but no one likes when these things drag on too long. That is in a nutshell why women should not be allowed to drive cars. Also, if you see a woman driving a mini van be sure to stay far away. Those are the absolute worst type of women drivers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Asshole Of The Day Award
This kid defines the term asshole...
http://swns.com/youngster-crashes-friends-lamborghini-171140.html
So a kid let's his friend borrow his Lamborghini at two in the morning and what happens? His friend absolutely demolishes the fucking car. The award would go to the driver normally, but today I'm giving it to the kid that let him borrow the car. I don't care how good of friends I am with you, if I own a Lambo, you're not driving it. I am the only one driving that damn car. You can't just let your asshole friend take your $225,000 dollar car out for a joy ride. That was the worst idea anyone's had since MTV decided to give the Situation his own show. You may possibly be in the running for the Asshole of the Month, but we'll see how the next two weeks pan out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
http://swns.com/youngster-crashes-friends-lamborghini-171140.html
So a kid let's his friend borrow his Lamborghini at two in the morning and what happens? His friend absolutely demolishes the fucking car. The award would go to the driver normally, but today I'm giving it to the kid that let him borrow the car. I don't care how good of friends I am with you, if I own a Lambo, you're not driving it. I am the only one driving that damn car. You can't just let your asshole friend take your $225,000 dollar car out for a joy ride. That was the worst idea anyone's had since MTV decided to give the Situation his own show. You may possibly be in the running for the Asshole of the Month, but we'll see how the next two weeks pan out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
How Old Is Too Old For Bikini's?
http://www.kpho.com/news/27908389/detail.html?sms_ss=newsvine&at_xt=4dd19c44ccf39276,0
It's a good thing this survey was taken because there are just some mother's out there who don't understand that they are not twenty years old anymore. They still go out wearing sweatpants that have words on their ass and they drink with their kid's like they're best friends. It's actually quite pathetic. Anyway, this survey says that 47 is the age that makes a woman too old for a bikini. I disagree with this because I think that is a bit too old. If you can get away with it at 40 then fine. After 40 though, it's too old for a bikini, sorry ladies. Another good question to ask would be how big is too big for a bikini? But insulting fat chicks is getting a little old for me and I don't exactly have the survey tools for all of you yet. Be patient though, we have our own website coming soon.
This Week's Show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
It's a good thing this survey was taken because there are just some mother's out there who don't understand that they are not twenty years old anymore. They still go out wearing sweatpants that have words on their ass and they drink with their kid's like they're best friends. It's actually quite pathetic. Anyway, this survey says that 47 is the age that makes a woman too old for a bikini. I disagree with this because I think that is a bit too old. If you can get away with it at 40 then fine. After 40 though, it's too old for a bikini, sorry ladies. Another good question to ask would be how big is too big for a bikini? But insulting fat chicks is getting a little old for me and I don't exactly have the survey tools for all of you yet. Be patient though, we have our own website coming soon.
This Week's Show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
How Much Alcohol Would It Take Tuesday's
Today we have a chick who can back hand a tennis ball harder than I can throw one...
You guessed it, today is tennis start Serena Williams. Look at those fucking arms, this broad is chiseled out of stone. Not only that but she's probably got a shank the size of a burmese python. Anyway, how much alcohol would it take for me to get into bed with the female version of Thor? I would definitely need at least three bottles of Seagram's Seven plus a twelve pack of the 160z. Bud Light bottles. Throw a roofie in one of those Bud Light's as well and I am good to go. Chances are that I'm waking up like I just got out of the octagon with Chuck Liddell, but at least I won't remember a thing.
You guessed it, today is tennis start Serena Williams. Look at those fucking arms, this broad is chiseled out of stone. Not only that but she's probably got a shank the size of a burmese python. Anyway, how much alcohol would it take for me to get into bed with the female version of Thor? I would definitely need at least three bottles of Seagram's Seven plus a twelve pack of the 160z. Bud Light bottles. Throw a roofie in one of those Bud Light's as well and I am good to go. Chances are that I'm waking up like I just got out of the octagon with Chuck Liddell, but at least I won't remember a thing.
Monday, May 16, 2011
David Wright Has A Stress Fracture In His Back, Further Proving That The Mets Should Fire The Entire Training Staff
http://sports.espn.go.com/new-york/mlb/news/story?id=6556852
That's it, I'm done with this team. If I was Sandy Alderson everyone involved with strength and conditioning and athletic training would be fired today. Every year something fucking happens to guys on this team. Now it's David Wright. Yes, if you know anything about injuries you know that getting trained the right way actually prevents injuries so don't tell me I sound like an idiot. Whoever runs their programs needs to go because they are fucking awful. It's your job to come up with exercises and lifts to keep guys healthy and you haven't been able to figure it out. You should be gone. I would have your ass out in the next five minutes because you can't do your job.
This Week's Show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
That's it, I'm done with this team. If I was Sandy Alderson everyone involved with strength and conditioning and athletic training would be fired today. Every year something fucking happens to guys on this team. Now it's David Wright. Yes, if you know anything about injuries you know that getting trained the right way actually prevents injuries so don't tell me I sound like an idiot. Whoever runs their programs needs to go because they are fucking awful. It's your job to come up with exercises and lifts to keep guys healthy and you haven't been able to figure it out. You should be gone. I would have your ass out in the next five minutes because you can't do your job.
This Week's Show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Video Of The Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFoCIBptYaM
Tell me this girl isn't sexy as shit riding this mechanical bull. Yeah, she knows exactly what she's doing up there. It's pretty impressive. Someone needs to tell her that the porn industry is calling her name. If she can't find a real job she will always have a back up plan.
Tell me this girl isn't sexy as shit riding this mechanical bull. Yeah, she knows exactly what she's doing up there. It's pretty impressive. Someone needs to tell her that the porn industry is calling her name. If she can't find a real job she will always have a back up plan.
Highlight Feature Of The Day: Why Is Flip Cup Dominated By Women?
Last week’s endless drinking barrage made me notice a couple of things. One, when people know the end is near partying is a higher priority than sleep. Two, is that the game of flip cup is completely dominated by women. It is unbelievable to me that every time flip cup is played women will dominate the game. I have no theory as to why but let me explain this a little more.
I walk into a room during Senior Week last week and what do I see? I see five girls lined up across the table perfectly set up for flip cup, while guys try and figure out who actually wants to play against these broads. Losing to a girl is embarrassing; losing to a team of girls is even more embarrassing. I hopped in on one game of course; and the girls kicked our asses so I quit. The only thing worse than losing is knowing you’re going to lose.
Then I go to this party this weekend and we play four guys against four girls in flip cup. What happens? We played ten games and the girls beat us nine times. The one game we won we all had to be perfect, one missed flip against girls is always a loss. Once again, embarrassed and ashamed, I quit to go play beer pong.
What makes girls so good at flip cup? I still don’t know. Maybe it’s the soft touch that guys just don’t have on the flip. I don’t think anyone will ever really know, but one thing is for sure. If you’re playing flip cup, women will dominate every time. It’s as consistent as gravity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
I walk into a room during Senior Week last week and what do I see? I see five girls lined up across the table perfectly set up for flip cup, while guys try and figure out who actually wants to play against these broads. Losing to a girl is embarrassing; losing to a team of girls is even more embarrassing. I hopped in on one game of course; and the girls kicked our asses so I quit. The only thing worse than losing is knowing you’re going to lose.
Then I go to this party this weekend and we play four guys against four girls in flip cup. What happens? We played ten games and the girls beat us nine times. The one game we won we all had to be perfect, one missed flip against girls is always a loss. Once again, embarrassed and ashamed, I quit to go play beer pong.
What makes girls so good at flip cup? I still don’t know. Maybe it’s the soft touch that guys just don’t have on the flip. I don’t think anyone will ever really know, but one thing is for sure. If you’re playing flip cup, women will dominate every time. It’s as consistent as gravity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
This Just In: Women Have Two Pathway's To Pleasure
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1387451/New-study-shows-women-pathways-sexual-pleasure.html
A Rutger's University study is showing that women become aroused in two different ways. The first is when they're alone fantasizing and the second is when they're with someone else. This now puts all the speculation to rest. Men are not the only one's who masturbate. Women will deny 'till they die on this topic, but science has finally come out with the truth. No more bullshit ladies, we all know you masturbate. In some cases, women are actually worse than guys in this subject matter. Women think about sex just as much as men do so don't try to play it off anymore like you're all innocent. The next time a girl tries telling you she doesn't masturbate because it's "disgusting", show her this article. Then watch the truth come out. Even a woman can't argue with proven facts.
This week's show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
A Rutger's University study is showing that women become aroused in two different ways. The first is when they're alone fantasizing and the second is when they're with someone else. This now puts all the speculation to rest. Men are not the only one's who masturbate. Women will deny 'till they die on this topic, but science has finally come out with the truth. No more bullshit ladies, we all know you masturbate. In some cases, women are actually worse than guys in this subject matter. Women think about sex just as much as men do so don't try to play it off anymore like you're all innocent. The next time a girl tries telling you she doesn't masturbate because it's "disgusting", show her this article. Then watch the truth come out. Even a woman can't argue with proven facts.
This week's show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Just Another Day On The NYC Subway...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-1lao5UUac
This video was taken by some dude on the New York City Subway a couple of days ago. This guy in this video is absolutely going to town on his shoe. Come on guy, you're licking the shoe like it's made of the greatest shit you've ever eaten. It doesn't have shit on a spit shine because you're just owning it with your tongue. If the shoe was a vagina that girl would have orgasmed at about the 45 second mark. I just get baffled by people who do shit like this in public. Oh and last time I checked there's no sun on the train. Take the sunglasses off please because you look like more of an asshole as you lick your shoes, indoors, while wearing sunglasses.
Sidenote: How about the guy next to him in the green jacket. Just sitting there acting like it's just another day on the train. Either it's his boy, or he's blind. Because I would never be able to sit there and watch that entire thing unfold.
This video was taken by some dude on the New York City Subway a couple of days ago. This guy in this video is absolutely going to town on his shoe. Come on guy, you're licking the shoe like it's made of the greatest shit you've ever eaten. It doesn't have shit on a spit shine because you're just owning it with your tongue. If the shoe was a vagina that girl would have orgasmed at about the 45 second mark. I just get baffled by people who do shit like this in public. Oh and last time I checked there's no sun on the train. Take the sunglasses off please because you look like more of an asshole as you lick your shoes, indoors, while wearing sunglasses.
Sidenote: How about the guy next to him in the green jacket. Just sitting there acting like it's just another day on the train. Either it's his boy, or he's blind. Because I would never be able to sit there and watch that entire thing unfold.
Asshole Of The Day Award
Oh kid's these days...
http://www.wgal.com/r/27882350/detail.html
Look at this genius. You would think for a kid who goes to Penn State he might actually have a brain in his head. Apparently not. Cops found this moron in the bedroom of a house, naked, and pretending to be asleep. Now I've never robbed a house before but I would have to think that there are better options than getting naked and pretending to be asleep in a strangers bed in order to get away with your crime. Well kid, kiss that Penn State degree goodbye and say hello to some form of a tatted up 300 pound maniac who is probably going to make you his girlfriend in the big house. Maybe you could plead insanity, but I'm going to imagine that won't help very much. Nicely done kid, nicely done.
This week's show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
http://www.wgal.com/r/27882350/detail.html
Look at this genius. You would think for a kid who goes to Penn State he might actually have a brain in his head. Apparently not. Cops found this moron in the bedroom of a house, naked, and pretending to be asleep. Now I've never robbed a house before but I would have to think that there are better options than getting naked and pretending to be asleep in a strangers bed in order to get away with your crime. Well kid, kiss that Penn State degree goodbye and say hello to some form of a tatted up 300 pound maniac who is probably going to make you his girlfriend in the big house. Maybe you could plead insanity, but I'm going to imagine that won't help very much. Nicely done kid, nicely done.
This week's show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Fireside Chats Episode 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMcpOPFmtkE
Here it is ladies and gentlemen as promised, the third episode of our hopefully soon to be web series. Give us some feedback, make some comments, let us know what you think. This week's show is called Copyright Infringement. Check it out.
Here it is ladies and gentlemen as promised, the third episode of our hopefully soon to be web series. Give us some feedback, make some comments, let us know what you think. This week's show is called Copyright Infringement. Check it out.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
What Do You Remember From Your College Graduation?
What type of college doesn't call their student's names at the graduation ceremony? We call this place Sacred Heart University. After stealing around $160,000 from every person in the crowd, they tried to pull another fast one by speeding up the ceremony and not calling everyone's names at the graduation. Little did they know that the class of 2011 was not going to go down without a fight.
When I first got there I was about forty-five minutes late because no one had any fucking clue what time we were supposed to be there. This of course wasn't a surprise to anyone that had attended this school for the last four years. Anyway, a good portion of the graduating class was shithoused prior to the actual ceremony. This was great to see since I happened to be part of the large shithoused portion.
Next, we had to actually do this fucking graduation outside, in the fucking rain. Apparently a back up plan in the event that it would rain was never actually thought about. As we were walking outside the rumor begins spreading that we are not actually getting our names called. There are three reasons for a graduation. To walk, to hear your name called and for your parents to take pictures. Not calling anyone's name would have been a fucking disgrace; and everyone in the crowd knew it.
What the asshole president didn't count on was the rowdiness of a group known as the Media Studies Department. Yes, this group had people who were not going down easy. The girl behind me over my right shoulder was the ring leader. I'll tell you right now if this broad was fighting Manny Pacquiao, my money's on her. She was a tough fucking girl and she sparked the entire crowd into a fury once the president came up to speak. She even got some other pussy director to say that he had no part in the decision to not call anyone's name. This girl suddenly got the Media Department going, and then the whole crowd followed. The fucking guy couldn't even speak over the crowd it was so loud. And yes, after two minutes he caved, and people walked and our names were called.
What I didn't understand was how everyone ended up in different seats after they walked up on the stage. How fucking stupid were the people directing this thing in the aisle's? I'm still saying they were all pissed off because they thought they would be out of there in ten minutes and instead had to wait an extra hour. But yes, this was another typical Sacred Heart move, which everyone had come accustomed too in their time here.
All in all, everyone left happy. No one in that crowd can honestly sit there and say that they didn't have the time of their life these passed four years. Of course there were doubts along the way, but everyone made it to the finish line. And for those who are still up here, it isn't over yet. We still have tonight. Let's fucking rage!
When I first got there I was about forty-five minutes late because no one had any fucking clue what time we were supposed to be there. This of course wasn't a surprise to anyone that had attended this school for the last four years. Anyway, a good portion of the graduating class was shithoused prior to the actual ceremony. This was great to see since I happened to be part of the large shithoused portion.
Next, we had to actually do this fucking graduation outside, in the fucking rain. Apparently a back up plan in the event that it would rain was never actually thought about. As we were walking outside the rumor begins spreading that we are not actually getting our names called. There are three reasons for a graduation. To walk, to hear your name called and for your parents to take pictures. Not calling anyone's name would have been a fucking disgrace; and everyone in the crowd knew it.
What the asshole president didn't count on was the rowdiness of a group known as the Media Studies Department. Yes, this group had people who were not going down easy. The girl behind me over my right shoulder was the ring leader. I'll tell you right now if this broad was fighting Manny Pacquiao, my money's on her. She was a tough fucking girl and she sparked the entire crowd into a fury once the president came up to speak. She even got some other pussy director to say that he had no part in the decision to not call anyone's name. This girl suddenly got the Media Department going, and then the whole crowd followed. The fucking guy couldn't even speak over the crowd it was so loud. And yes, after two minutes he caved, and people walked and our names were called.
What I didn't understand was how everyone ended up in different seats after they walked up on the stage. How fucking stupid were the people directing this thing in the aisle's? I'm still saying they were all pissed off because they thought they would be out of there in ten minutes and instead had to wait an extra hour. But yes, this was another typical Sacred Heart move, which everyone had come accustomed too in their time here.
All in all, everyone left happy. No one in that crowd can honestly sit there and say that they didn't have the time of their life these passed four years. Of course there were doubts along the way, but everyone made it to the finish line. And for those who are still up here, it isn't over yet. We still have tonight. Let's fucking rage!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Is This The Greatest Pre Game Baseball Warm Up Ever?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKYJxu_cR-0
Here it is, the Sacred Heart University Baseball team's pre game warm up. As you can see they organize a very carefully choreographed dance to the tune of Calabria. Probably the best pre game warm up ever invented. If you can find something better than this, let me know. Actually, if you find one better than this email me at hammer41blog@gmail.com so I can tell you that you're wrong. Lebron's powder toss doesn't have shit on this.
Here it is, the Sacred Heart University Baseball team's pre game warm up. As you can see they organize a very carefully choreographed dance to the tune of Calabria. Probably the best pre game warm up ever invented. If you can find something better than this, let me know. Actually, if you find one better than this email me at hammer41blog@gmail.com so I can tell you that you're wrong. Lebron's powder toss doesn't have shit on this.
Live From Senior Week...
Not going to lie, I'm absolutely destroyed while I'm writing this. However, my fans have asked that I write a blog right now so I am going to give you the play by play up to this point in the night. That's what I do.
Basically, everyone got shitfaced at the open bar thing that took place on campus tonight. If you didnt't get hammered, you did something wrong. An open bar with college kids is a recipe for disaster, unless you don't know how to party.
Next, of course the dorms are insane. I snuck in again because where there's a will, there's a way. Regardless, this shit is popping. Typical Sacred Heart move shut down the party on the fourth floor for "disturbing the peace". Listen bro, you're 38 years old and you're still a virgin, get a life. Until you actually see a vagina in person, stop trying to ruin the fun that you couldn't have.
Lastly, I am currently in a dorm room watching a mean game of flip cup. These people just want to rage and I fucking love that shit. Also, I have never heard of a Genny Light, but that's the beer of choice right now. Why? I have no fucking clue.
Anyway, smart ass comments will not be taken into consideration for this blog. I'm just trying to enjoy the night and see what happens. Senior Week, time to make some bad decisions and not remember what happened. Let's get rowdy.
Basically, everyone got shitfaced at the open bar thing that took place on campus tonight. If you didnt't get hammered, you did something wrong. An open bar with college kids is a recipe for disaster, unless you don't know how to party.
Next, of course the dorms are insane. I snuck in again because where there's a will, there's a way. Regardless, this shit is popping. Typical Sacred Heart move shut down the party on the fourth floor for "disturbing the peace". Listen bro, you're 38 years old and you're still a virgin, get a life. Until you actually see a vagina in person, stop trying to ruin the fun that you couldn't have.
Lastly, I am currently in a dorm room watching a mean game of flip cup. These people just want to rage and I fucking love that shit. Also, I have never heard of a Genny Light, but that's the beer of choice right now. Why? I have no fucking clue.
Anyway, smart ass comments will not be taken into consideration for this blog. I'm just trying to enjoy the night and see what happens. Senior Week, time to make some bad decisions and not remember what happened. Let's get rowdy.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Thanks Again Viewers...
With the small window of time that I actually have right now I am thanking all my viewers once again. The last time we did this was when I hit 10,000 overall views and now we have surpassed the 50,000 view point. I appreciate everything and it would not be working if you all didn't read this stuff daily. So thank you again and if you're going to the commencement ball tonight get ready to fucking rage. Oh, and stay tuned on Monday for Episode 3 of Fireside Chats. This one is probably going to get me and my team sued so you better watch it before the lawsuit comes to town. And of course I will have something for you all tomorrow. Thanks again.
Also, don't forget to like our facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/thetalkofthetown41?ref=ts
And follow us on twitter at: http://twitter.com/#!/thtalkofthetown
Also, don't forget to like our facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/thetalkofthetown41?ref=ts
And follow us on twitter at: http://twitter.com/#!/thtalkofthetown
Senior Week...Continued
Due to Senior Week and other things this will be my only blog for today. I apologize for the inconvenience but between what happened last night and what I have to do today, this week is just too hectic. So here is the one post describing pretty much what the fuck happened last night.
To begin, we went to Mohegan Sun for the first part of our night. I only wish I knew how young the night really was at 2 in the morning. Anyway, they opened up a club for just us and still found a way to screw us by closing at 12:45. Listen bro, clubs everywhere else don’t even open until 12, yet you fucks decide to close at 12:45, suck me. However, it was pretty good even though the drinks were made weak as fuck and there were no shots allowed like we were 15 year old high school kids.
Next, the gambling and shit was fun but that was nothing compared to what the fuck went on in the dorms. I vowed that I was getting into the fucking dorms and I got in. People doubted me, but I made it there. I can’t tell you how because that is exactly how I’m getting in tonight so I need to keep it confidential. But people weren’t fucking joking; the dorms are where you want to be.
When I first got back people were kind of dying on me. They were all like hey man last night was the night to be here, I’m shot right now I don’t know if anything’s going on. But it was ten minutes after this that something amazing happened. I walked to the 5th floor. On the fifth floor one room was absolutely raging, and they set the tone for everyone else the rest of the night.
Flip cup on floor number five soon turned into rage fest on floors three and four. I don’t even know which floor I spent most of my time on because there were more beer showers, odd dances and slip n’ slides than anyone could possibly imagine. I’m sorry that I cannot describe it better, you just needed to experience it for yourself. The slip n’ slide got so rowdy that some dude from the fucking geek squad had to come and actually remove the slip n’ slide from the premises. Needless to say, that guy is still a virgin at the age of 30.
Finally, after all was said and done I walked out of the Senior Week dorms at 6:15am. I now have to go sit through a double header today beginning at 11. Yes, I got up early to write this for you people because you all make my day. If there is a Senior Week at your college, I recommend you do it. It is everything it’s cracked up to be…so far. Tonight will be just another night. And tonight’s open bar so let’s get rowdy. See you in the tent.
To begin, we went to Mohegan Sun for the first part of our night. I only wish I knew how young the night really was at 2 in the morning. Anyway, they opened up a club for just us and still found a way to screw us by closing at 12:45. Listen bro, clubs everywhere else don’t even open until 12, yet you fucks decide to close at 12:45, suck me. However, it was pretty good even though the drinks were made weak as fuck and there were no shots allowed like we were 15 year old high school kids.
Next, the gambling and shit was fun but that was nothing compared to what the fuck went on in the dorms. I vowed that I was getting into the fucking dorms and I got in. People doubted me, but I made it there. I can’t tell you how because that is exactly how I’m getting in tonight so I need to keep it confidential. But people weren’t fucking joking; the dorms are where you want to be.
When I first got back people were kind of dying on me. They were all like hey man last night was the night to be here, I’m shot right now I don’t know if anything’s going on. But it was ten minutes after this that something amazing happened. I walked to the 5th floor. On the fifth floor one room was absolutely raging, and they set the tone for everyone else the rest of the night.
Flip cup on floor number five soon turned into rage fest on floors three and four. I don’t even know which floor I spent most of my time on because there were more beer showers, odd dances and slip n’ slides than anyone could possibly imagine. I’m sorry that I cannot describe it better, you just needed to experience it for yourself. The slip n’ slide got so rowdy that some dude from the fucking geek squad had to come and actually remove the slip n’ slide from the premises. Needless to say, that guy is still a virgin at the age of 30.
Finally, after all was said and done I walked out of the Senior Week dorms at 6:15am. I now have to go sit through a double header today beginning at 11. Yes, I got up early to write this for you people because you all make my day. If there is a Senior Week at your college, I recommend you do it. It is everything it’s cracked up to be…so far. Tonight will be just another night. And tonight’s open bar so let’s get rowdy. See you in the tent.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Pre Game Song Of The Weekend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clhShDTN6NE
Yeah it's going up early today because I have so much shit to do, I apologize for that. However, I'm not even sure if I already used this to be totally honest but I don't really give a fuck right now. On The Floor by J-Lo and Pitbull is an absolutely awesome song. It's impossible to dislike this song in any way. This shit easily makes you want to drink all night and just tear up the dance floor. If this shit comes on in the club tonight I might do a backflip. It is possible, that's how jacked up this song gets me.
Yeah it's going up early today because I have so much shit to do, I apologize for that. However, I'm not even sure if I already used this to be totally honest but I don't really give a fuck right now. On The Floor by J-Lo and Pitbull is an absolutely awesome song. It's impossible to dislike this song in any way. This shit easily makes you want to drink all night and just tear up the dance floor. If this shit comes on in the club tonight I might do a backflip. It is possible, that's how jacked up this song gets me.
Highlight Feature Of The Day: Senior Week
I’m not staying in the dorms for this whole Senior Week shindig, but I will be attending the rest of the events. I also vow that I will be getting into those dorms one night, mark my words. Anyway, I have been wondering what is this Senior Week really about? A lot of things come to mind, but here is my take on the whole ordeal.
Is it about a three day span of just getting hammered every night with your fellow seniors? No, it’s not about that. Everyone does that every weekend regardless. After your first semester it becomes routine, so how could Senior Week be about that? Trust me, it’s not.
Then what is it about? It’s about a couple of things. First, it’s about having an awesome time with the people you’ve become close with the last 4 years. We’ve all had awesome times before, but this is really the last time everyone will be together as college students, you might as well just take it all in while you still can.
Now for everyone’s favorite part of this. What this week really signifies. If you don’t like raunchy shit, then stop reading here. This week is mainly about trying to get in bed with the girls or guys that you have wanted for the last 4 years. It’s the last chance you’re going to get to slam that chick you think is so sexy but you haven’t had the balls to ever make a move. Or for girls, the last time you can make an attempt to go home with that guy you’ve always thought had something about him that made you want to rip his clothes off. That’s what this shit is about.
Okay is it really about just having one giant sex fest? Not really. But what I am getting at is that it’s the last time you will be able to do something and not have a regret about it. If that girl or guy turns you down, you’re probably never going to see them again anyway, so who gives a fuck? If you make an ass out of yourself while out at the bar, it doesn’t matter you’re gone in three days. This week is all about the last time for everything.
So there you go seniors, this is it. Get obliterated, get it in and enjoy every minute of it. This is the last time you can let loose before the real world punches you square in the face. I’ll see all you fuckers tonight. Rage like there’s no tomorrow, because after Sunday, there isn’t . Oh yeah, and be sure to use protection.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Is it about a three day span of just getting hammered every night with your fellow seniors? No, it’s not about that. Everyone does that every weekend regardless. After your first semester it becomes routine, so how could Senior Week be about that? Trust me, it’s not.
Then what is it about? It’s about a couple of things. First, it’s about having an awesome time with the people you’ve become close with the last 4 years. We’ve all had awesome times before, but this is really the last time everyone will be together as college students, you might as well just take it all in while you still can.
Now for everyone’s favorite part of this. What this week really signifies. If you don’t like raunchy shit, then stop reading here. This week is mainly about trying to get in bed with the girls or guys that you have wanted for the last 4 years. It’s the last chance you’re going to get to slam that chick you think is so sexy but you haven’t had the balls to ever make a move. Or for girls, the last time you can make an attempt to go home with that guy you’ve always thought had something about him that made you want to rip his clothes off. That’s what this shit is about.
Okay is it really about just having one giant sex fest? Not really. But what I am getting at is that it’s the last time you will be able to do something and not have a regret about it. If that girl or guy turns you down, you’re probably never going to see them again anyway, so who gives a fuck? If you make an ass out of yourself while out at the bar, it doesn’t matter you’re gone in three days. This week is all about the last time for everything.
So there you go seniors, this is it. Get obliterated, get it in and enjoy every minute of it. This is the last time you can let loose before the real world punches you square in the face. I’ll see all you fuckers tonight. Rage like there’s no tomorrow, because after Sunday, there isn’t . Oh yeah, and be sure to use protection.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Asshole Of The Day Award
Today's Asshole of the Day Award goes to someone you would charitably call a jackass...
http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/article/20110512/NEWS05/105120331/Man-gets-11-years-robbery-netted-only-86-cents
If you're going to rob someone at gunpoint it's probably a good idea to know how much money they have on them. This kid and his buddy robbed some dude and got 86 cents out of the deal. Are ya kiddin'? That's 43 cents a piece, you can't buy a pack of lifesavers with 43 cents. So now this kid is going to jail for 11 years because he robbed 86 cents off a guy. Oh, and he says the gun went off "accidentally"; I'm sure it did pal, I'm sure it did. You shot a guy for less than a dollar, you deserve your jail time, plain and simple.
http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/article/20110512/NEWS05/105120331/Man-gets-11-years-robbery-netted-only-86-cents
If you're going to rob someone at gunpoint it's probably a good idea to know how much money they have on them. This kid and his buddy robbed some dude and got 86 cents out of the deal. Are ya kiddin'? That's 43 cents a piece, you can't buy a pack of lifesavers with 43 cents. So now this kid is going to jail for 11 years because he robbed 86 cents off a guy. Oh, and he says the gun went off "accidentally"; I'm sure it did pal, I'm sure it did. You shot a guy for less than a dollar, you deserve your jail time, plain and simple.
Here Are The Finalists For The Tampa Bay Bucs Cheerleading Squad
http://tampabay.metromix.com/sports/photogallery/2011-bucs-cheerleader-final/2613065/content
Yes, women are dumb because as of right now, there will be no football season. That's neither here nor there though. Anyway, after going through the slideshow in the link up top, I'm not all that impressed with this group. You can't really pick up on too many girl's faces but from what I saw there I was not impressed at all. For a Florida football team to have this shitty of a group to choose from is absurd. It shouldn't be allowed to happen. Number 208 at the bottom left here is probably going to make it. She's about a 7 or 8 and she's like the hottest one I saw. NFL Cheerleading squads need to have 10's across the board and I just don't see it here. This has all the looks of a strike year cheerleading squad.
Yes, women are dumb because as of right now, there will be no football season. That's neither here nor there though. Anyway, after going through the slideshow in the link up top, I'm not all that impressed with this group. You can't really pick up on too many girl's faces but from what I saw there I was not impressed at all. For a Florida football team to have this shitty of a group to choose from is absurd. It shouldn't be allowed to happen. Number 208 at the bottom left here is probably going to make it. She's about a 7 or 8 and she's like the hottest one I saw. NFL Cheerleading squads need to have 10's across the board and I just don't see it here. This has all the looks of a strike year cheerleading squad.
Thursday: Drinking Game Of The Week
This weeks drinking game is inspired by the movie Beer Fest...
THUMPER:
Everyone sits around a table and makes a gesture to represent themselves. After everyone has decided on a gesture, go through them all one more time. Everyone then begins drumming on the table and one person says "What is the name of the game?" everyone replies "Thumper!". The same person says "Why do we play it?" and everyone replies "To get fucked up!". Then the person does their gesture and then someone else's. The persons gesture they did must do their gesture and then another persons. Everyone else must still be drumming. The first person to mess up drinks. Pretty fun game to play with a lot of people. Once you start drinking people start messing up big time, and you end up getting obliterated. I would highly recommend this one.
THUMPER:
Everyone sits around a table and makes a gesture to represent themselves. After everyone has decided on a gesture, go through them all one more time. Everyone then begins drumming on the table and one person says "What is the name of the game?" everyone replies "Thumper!". The same person says "Why do we play it?" and everyone replies "To get fucked up!". Then the person does their gesture and then someone else's. The persons gesture they did must do their gesture and then another persons. Everyone else must still be drumming. The first person to mess up drinks. Pretty fun game to play with a lot of people. Once you start drinking people start messing up big time, and you end up getting obliterated. I would highly recommend this one.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Highlight Feature Of The Day: A Woman That Men Cannot Marry
My friend Jeff shot me a text yesterday giving me this very good idea. The idea is about men getting married. What are the qualifications that a woman must have in order to marry a certain man? Every man is different, but I can tell you one qualification that is the same for every guy. That is the ability to give a nice BJ. If a woman can’t give a nice BJ, the man will not marry her.
Why is this such a necessity you ask? Because there are many ups and downs throughout a lifetime, especially in a marriage; and when it’s that time of the month, the woman better still be able to satisfy her husband in some type of way. Not everyone enjoys taking the dirt road, if you catch my drift.
Also, there are nights when men just don’t feel like doing anything. When the woman is turned on, if she can’t turn her man on my going down on him, she is not marriage material. Ladies need to be able to get there man going, even when he’s a lazy prick who just wants to lay there. It’s pretty much an unwritten rule.
Is there an exception to this rule? Of course there is. If she’s rich, she can suck at giving blowies because you’re still swimming in her daddy’s money. That is the only exception to the rule. So ladies, if you happen to suck and oral pleasure and you’re not rich, you better learn quickly. Take a class, watch a video, do something for some help. Otherwise you’ll be sitting alone at 35 years old wondering why you’re still not married. It’s the circle of life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Why is this such a necessity you ask? Because there are many ups and downs throughout a lifetime, especially in a marriage; and when it’s that time of the month, the woman better still be able to satisfy her husband in some type of way. Not everyone enjoys taking the dirt road, if you catch my drift.
Also, there are nights when men just don’t feel like doing anything. When the woman is turned on, if she can’t turn her man on my going down on him, she is not marriage material. Ladies need to be able to get there man going, even when he’s a lazy prick who just wants to lay there. It’s pretty much an unwritten rule.
Is there an exception to this rule? Of course there is. If she’s rich, she can suck at giving blowies because you’re still swimming in her daddy’s money. That is the only exception to the rule. So ladies, if you happen to suck and oral pleasure and you’re not rich, you better learn quickly. Take a class, watch a video, do something for some help. Otherwise you’ll be sitting alone at 35 years old wondering why you’re still not married. It’s the circle of life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Asshole Of The Day Award
Today, more video footage of our Asshole of the Day...
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/youtube/naked-guy-terrorizes-subway-passengers-284639
Copy and paste the link, and watch this fucking video. This guy is a mad man on the subway. He clearly lives by the rule "shit happens when you party naked". I mean this guy gets ass naked and just starts terrorizing people. But you know who the real asshole is? Not the naked guy, the fucking cop. You're a cop dude, you just stood there for a good portion of this and did nothing as this fucking maniac ran around ripping shit from women's bags and smashing it on the floor. Then you finally decide to step in and do something when this guy goes after another guy. And lastly, you couldn't even restrain the fucking guy. Have you ever heard of a tazer? You should infest in one because that sorry ass performance of restraining this fucking guy is the worst I've ever seen. This guy bitched you around like a little boy. The fucking civilians at the station had to hold him down for you to get the handcuffs out. Nice job asshole, you'll probably be working the parking meters for a very long time after that piss poor performance.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/youtube/naked-guy-terrorizes-subway-passengers-284639
Copy and paste the link, and watch this fucking video. This guy is a mad man on the subway. He clearly lives by the rule "shit happens when you party naked". I mean this guy gets ass naked and just starts terrorizing people. But you know who the real asshole is? Not the naked guy, the fucking cop. You're a cop dude, you just stood there for a good portion of this and did nothing as this fucking maniac ran around ripping shit from women's bags and smashing it on the floor. Then you finally decide to step in and do something when this guy goes after another guy. And lastly, you couldn't even restrain the fucking guy. Have you ever heard of a tazer? You should infest in one because that sorry ass performance of restraining this fucking guy is the worst I've ever seen. This guy bitched you around like a little boy. The fucking civilians at the station had to hold him down for you to get the handcuffs out. Nice job asshole, you'll probably be working the parking meters for a very long time after that piss poor performance.
1.77 Mil For A Car and It's Not Even Street Legal
http://swns.com/lamborghini-to-build-worlds-most-expensive-new-car-111120.html
Needless to say, Lamborghini has come out with a new car that is worth 1.77 million dollars. It gets from 0-62mph in about two seconds and has a top speed of over 200mph. What's the problem then? Oh, it isn't exactly "street legal" (Old School reference) which means that the best anyone can do is drive it privately on their own property or just keep the fucking thing in the garage the entire time. Fucking thing has a V10 engine and you can't take it on the street? Why would you make a car that's not legal to fucking drive? Not that millionaires care about spending their money, but even right now they know it's a waste to buy this thing. Big time fail by the Lamborghini crew here. You guys are morons.
Needless to say, Lamborghini has come out with a new car that is worth 1.77 million dollars. It gets from 0-62mph in about two seconds and has a top speed of over 200mph. What's the problem then? Oh, it isn't exactly "street legal" (Old School reference) which means that the best anyone can do is drive it privately on their own property or just keep the fucking thing in the garage the entire time. Fucking thing has a V10 engine and you can't take it on the street? Why would you make a car that's not legal to fucking drive? Not that millionaires care about spending their money, but even right now they know it's a waste to buy this thing. Big time fail by the Lamborghini crew here. You guys are morons.
Would You Rather Wednesday's
Today's Would You Rather is brought to you by Papa John's Pizza...Actually no, it's not so let's just move on.
VS 
Guys this question is for you today. Would you rather wake up to find that you have grown non removable D cup breasts, or that your balls have disappeared? This question kind of sucks on both ends. But I was doing some thinking and I have figured it out. I would definitely rather wake up to find that my balls have disappeared. Look at it this way, you still have your penis. It would basically just be like getting a vasectomy except that your balls are actually missing. But now you could have sex for hours and not have to worry about getting any girls pregnant. It's so fucked up how I think about things, but it is true. Plus everyone would think you're a serious tranny with D cup tits. I'll take no balls on this one.
VS 
Guys this question is for you today. Would you rather wake up to find that you have grown non removable D cup breasts, or that your balls have disappeared? This question kind of sucks on both ends. But I was doing some thinking and I have figured it out. I would definitely rather wake up to find that my balls have disappeared. Look at it this way, you still have your penis. It would basically just be like getting a vasectomy except that your balls are actually missing. But now you could have sex for hours and not have to worry about getting any girls pregnant. It's so fucked up how I think about things, but it is true. Plus everyone would think you're a serious tranny with D cup tits. I'll take no balls on this one.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
This News Station Is Having Way Too Much Fun With The Shake Weight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCRZPL4gOtc
This is actually pretty funny, the entire news station is just having entirely too much fun with these things. And lady at the end complaining about youtube, you're on youtube anyway and you look even dumber than if you would have just made like you were giving a handjob of some sort. Also, tell me the blonde lady from the gym isn't making penis jokes when she talks about the "big black one" and the "little white one", totally unnecessary.
This is actually pretty funny, the entire news station is just having entirely too much fun with these things. And lady at the end complaining about youtube, you're on youtube anyway and you look even dumber than if you would have just made like you were giving a handjob of some sort. Also, tell me the blonde lady from the gym isn't making penis jokes when she talks about the "big black one" and the "little white one", totally unnecessary.
Highlight Feature Of The Day: What You See When You Look At A Bottle Of Alcohol…
There are many things that people see when they look at a specific bottle of alcohol. Some see just a casual night of a drink or two, some see a blackout ragefest of shots and others see a night of getting all sorts of jacked up. I am going to explain what people see when looking at a specific bottle of alcohol. Warning: None of the following liquors mentioned will be for a casual night of a drink or two.
Wild Turkey: Getting fucked up and absolutely belligerent for the night. People don’t drink this shit just to have a couple of drinks and get a buzz going, they drink this shit to not remember anything that went on the night before. This usually leads to trespassing and destroying property of some sort.
Jagermeister: Another drink on the road to black out city. Most people think of ripping shots, chugging jager bombs and raging in a club when drinking this shit. You can’t go wrong with Jager and you’ll never wake up disappointed.
Jack Daniels: People see anger when looking at Jack. When you want to get jacked up and pissed off, you drink Jack. If your sole purpose of the night is to go out and get into a fight, you are definitely ripping shots of Jack before going out.
Captain Morgan: You’re getting shitfaced whether you mix it with coke, or mix it with ginger ale. It doesn’t matter because the captain will always get you. Most people see an awesome night out at a bar involving dancing and sloppily making out with strangers.
Jose Cuervo: Known as the finisher. People see only one thing when looking at this bottle, and that is the shot that puts you over the edge towards the end of the night. This is also rumored to make women take their clothes off, but that is still up for debate.
Southern Comfort: Sometimes seen as a bit feminine because of the famous Soco and Lime shot. But this is the drink that can take that buzz and push you to the next level. A couple of shots of this after you have already been drinking will automatically send you from buzzed to fucked up.
For all you college seniors, keep this in mind for your senior week. Whatever kind of night you’re looking to have, remember these tidbits when buying your liquor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Wild Turkey: Getting fucked up and absolutely belligerent for the night. People don’t drink this shit just to have a couple of drinks and get a buzz going, they drink this shit to not remember anything that went on the night before. This usually leads to trespassing and destroying property of some sort.
Jagermeister: Another drink on the road to black out city. Most people think of ripping shots, chugging jager bombs and raging in a club when drinking this shit. You can’t go wrong with Jager and you’ll never wake up disappointed.
Jack Daniels: People see anger when looking at Jack. When you want to get jacked up and pissed off, you drink Jack. If your sole purpose of the night is to go out and get into a fight, you are definitely ripping shots of Jack before going out.
Captain Morgan: You’re getting shitfaced whether you mix it with coke, or mix it with ginger ale. It doesn’t matter because the captain will always get you. Most people see an awesome night out at a bar involving dancing and sloppily making out with strangers.
Jose Cuervo: Known as the finisher. People see only one thing when looking at this bottle, and that is the shot that puts you over the edge towards the end of the night. This is also rumored to make women take their clothes off, but that is still up for debate.
Southern Comfort: Sometimes seen as a bit feminine because of the famous Soco and Lime shot. But this is the drink that can take that buzz and push you to the next level. A couple of shots of this after you have already been drinking will automatically send you from buzzed to fucked up.
For all you college seniors, keep this in mind for your senior week. Whatever kind of night you’re looking to have, remember these tidbits when buying your liquor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Asshole Of The Day Award
Today's Asshole of the Day Award comes straight out of Bridgeport, the city of dreams...
http://www.stamfordadvocate.com/news/article/Police-Bridgeport-man-called-911-to-get-beer-1372340.php
When you're in dire need of some brews, who better to call than 911? Yes, this fucking asshole who actually lives less than a mile from my college house called 911 to pick him up beer. Not only this, but he has called 911 for false alarms 79 times since the beginning of the year. There was also another time when he offered the emergency personnel who came to his door $20 per person to come inside and hang out with him. As far as the beer goes though; guy I live pretty much down the street from you, walk your lazy ass to the liquor store and buy your own fucking beer. Don't call 911 then have to pay $500 to get your ass out of jail. This is why you are an asshole; and I am sure there are a plethora of other reasons as well.
http://www.stamfordadvocate.com/news/article/Police-Bridgeport-man-called-911-to-get-beer-1372340.php
When you're in dire need of some brews, who better to call than 911? Yes, this fucking asshole who actually lives less than a mile from my college house called 911 to pick him up beer. Not only this, but he has called 911 for false alarms 79 times since the beginning of the year. There was also another time when he offered the emergency personnel who came to his door $20 per person to come inside and hang out with him. As far as the beer goes though; guy I live pretty much down the street from you, walk your lazy ass to the liquor store and buy your own fucking beer. Don't call 911 then have to pay $500 to get your ass out of jail. This is why you are an asshole; and I am sure there are a plethora of other reasons as well.
Apparently This Is Why Women Have Sex...
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/30/why.women.have.sex/index.html
This article actually ranged from typical answers like women just wanting to have sex aka just being a slut; to relieving headaches and cramps, which I found weird as shit. There was also a bitch who sold her virginity online to the highest bidder. Some asshole bought this woman's virginity for 3.8 million dollars. That guy is a loser. You could have bought a strip club for 3.8 million and had sex for free with any girl who worked for you but instead you waste it on one girl. Hello, if she's a virgin she has no idea what she's doing. If you're buying her virginity for 3.8 mil, you clearly have no idea what you're doing in bed either. That was probably the worst deal since the Mets traded Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano. It had to be like the sex the nerdy couple was having at the beginning of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Come on man, I can't believe anyone could be that desperate. Just remember, you don't always get what you pay for, but you always pay for what you get. And I'm saying you paid way too much for what was definitely shitty sex.
This article actually ranged from typical answers like women just wanting to have sex aka just being a slut; to relieving headaches and cramps, which I found weird as shit. There was also a bitch who sold her virginity online to the highest bidder. Some asshole bought this woman's virginity for 3.8 million dollars. That guy is a loser. You could have bought a strip club for 3.8 million and had sex for free with any girl who worked for you but instead you waste it on one girl. Hello, if she's a virgin she has no idea what she's doing. If you're buying her virginity for 3.8 mil, you clearly have no idea what you're doing in bed either. That was probably the worst deal since the Mets traded Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano. It had to be like the sex the nerdy couple was having at the beginning of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Come on man, I can't believe anyone could be that desperate. Just remember, you don't always get what you pay for, but you always pay for what you get. And I'm saying you paid way too much for what was definitely shitty sex.
What Is With The Samurai Swords?
Again with this?
http://www.startribune.com/local/121525084.html
Last week a guy gets his dick cut off by a samurai sword; and this week a guy tries to stab a guy with a samurai sword. What the fuck is going on? I didn't know this was fucking China during the time of Genghis Khan. What the hell were you arguing about that you could possibly justify stabbing a guy with a samurai sword? Samurai swords are old and busted. The new hotness would be stabbing a guy with a fucking chainsaw; that'll get you get jacked up. Either way, I have no idea why the samurai sword is trying to make a comeback, but it should stop immediately. Technology is way to advanced for that shit anymore. Besides the fact that you didn't even severely injure the fucking guy. He blocked it with a book bag and you cut his elbow a little bit. If you're going to stab a guy make sure you get the job done, now you just look like a little bitch who panicked because you didn't get your way during an argument. Looks like the jokes on you asshole.
http://www.startribune.com/local/121525084.html
Last week a guy gets his dick cut off by a samurai sword; and this week a guy tries to stab a guy with a samurai sword. What the fuck is going on? I didn't know this was fucking China during the time of Genghis Khan. What the hell were you arguing about that you could possibly justify stabbing a guy with a samurai sword? Samurai swords are old and busted. The new hotness would be stabbing a guy with a fucking chainsaw; that'll get you get jacked up. Either way, I have no idea why the samurai sword is trying to make a comeback, but it should stop immediately. Technology is way to advanced for that shit anymore. Besides the fact that you didn't even severely injure the fucking guy. He blocked it with a book bag and you cut his elbow a little bit. If you're going to stab a guy make sure you get the job done, now you just look like a little bitch who panicked because you didn't get your way during an argument. Looks like the jokes on you asshole.
How Much Alcohol Would It Take Tuesday's
We are going to try a new format this week. Today we have someone who has been lost in the shuffle since her family’s TV show came off the air…
Yes, today we have Kelly Osbourne. Look at this beauty. This picture is from when she was in her prime of ugliness. Not only is she hideous, but her freakishness just drops her stock that much more. How much alcohol would it take for me to slay this dragon?
Anticipated BAC Needed: .831 (More than ten times the legal limit)
Type Of Alcohol Needed: Wild Turkey and Jose Cuervo
Units of Measure Needed: A bathtub filled with Wild Turkey and a kitchen sink filled with Jose Cuervo
What To Worry About While Blackout: I would have to worry most about slipping one passed the goalie. I would definitely have to go in praying to God I don’t get this creature pregnant because if one of that child’s grandparents is Ozzi fucking Osbourne, then that kid will be 100% fucked up in the head. It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact.
Yes, today we have Kelly Osbourne. Look at this beauty. This picture is from when she was in her prime of ugliness. Not only is she hideous, but her freakishness just drops her stock that much more. How much alcohol would it take for me to slay this dragon?
Anticipated BAC Needed: .831 (More than ten times the legal limit)
Type Of Alcohol Needed: Wild Turkey and Jose Cuervo
Units of Measure Needed: A bathtub filled with Wild Turkey and a kitchen sink filled with Jose Cuervo
What To Worry About While Blackout: I would have to worry most about slipping one passed the goalie. I would definitely have to go in praying to God I don’t get this creature pregnant because if one of that child’s grandparents is Ozzi fucking Osbourne, then that kid will be 100% fucked up in the head. It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact.
Monday, May 9, 2011
We Want Your Opinion...
Here is a poll we just want your feedback on?
What is your favorite thing about this blog?
Vote Here: http://www.snappoll.com/poll/368628.php
What is your favorite thing about this blog?
Vote Here: http://www.snappoll.com/poll/368628.php
It's Everybody's Favorite Game: Guess That Object...
Can You Guess This Object?
Is this:
A) A picture from the opening scene of the movie Armageddon?
B) A part from a construction site that has just been jackhammered?
C) Just another pothole in Bridgeport, CT?
If you chose C you are correct. At first glance I would have said A, but once you think about it, C is the obvious choice. Anyway, this is what people have to avoid while driving around Bridgeport, Connecticut. It's like trying to avoid those cones during a road test, except now instead of cones you're avoiding bird baths. Do something about the fucking potholes. It doesn't take very long to fill them in, just fucking get them done. People have lost more tires on Old Town Road, than Charlie Sheen has lost fans on his "comedy tour". Time to get this shit fixed.
Is this:
A) A picture from the opening scene of the movie Armageddon?
B) A part from a construction site that has just been jackhammered?
C) Just another pothole in Bridgeport, CT?
If you chose C you are correct. At first glance I would have said A, but once you think about it, C is the obvious choice. Anyway, this is what people have to avoid while driving around Bridgeport, Connecticut. It's like trying to avoid those cones during a road test, except now instead of cones you're avoiding bird baths. Do something about the fucking potholes. It doesn't take very long to fill them in, just fucking get them done. People have lost more tires on Old Town Road, than Charlie Sheen has lost fans on his "comedy tour". Time to get this shit fixed.
I Think It's Time To Admit You Have A Drinking Problem Guy
http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/article/191249/58/Palm-Harbor-couple-finds-drunk-intruder-on-couch
Imagine waking up, walking downstairs and seeing a random dude passed out on your couch with an empty plate next to him that he fixed for himself. Now imagine waking that guy up and having him insist that it's his house as he falls back asleep. Instead of calling the cops I probably would have just threw the mother fucker out. Clearly he doesn't know where he is and all he really did was make himself at home and make some food. I just want to know how do you get that shitfaced that you go to the wrong house? That's not even fathomable to me. I have seen some drunk fucking people in my life, but I have never heard of anyone going to the wrong fucking house. I think it's time to admit that you have a drinking problem sir. When you're going into houses you think are yours and eating other people's food, you have definitely crossed a line.
Sidenote: To the asshole people who actually live in the house; lock your fucking doors next time and you won't have this problem.
Imagine waking up, walking downstairs and seeing a random dude passed out on your couch with an empty plate next to him that he fixed for himself. Now imagine waking that guy up and having him insist that it's his house as he falls back asleep. Instead of calling the cops I probably would have just threw the mother fucker out. Clearly he doesn't know where he is and all he really did was make himself at home and make some food. I just want to know how do you get that shitfaced that you go to the wrong house? That's not even fathomable to me. I have seen some drunk fucking people in my life, but I have never heard of anyone going to the wrong fucking house. I think it's time to admit that you have a drinking problem sir. When you're going into houses you think are yours and eating other people's food, you have definitely crossed a line.
Sidenote: To the asshole people who actually live in the house; lock your fucking doors next time and you won't have this problem.
Highlight Feature Of The Day: Why Graduating College Sucks…
With college graduation approaching with a full head of steam, I thought it would only be necessary to write something about why graduating from college is going to suck massively. If I could think of something good, I would write it, but I only see the negatives on this one.
First and foremost, getting shitfaced on a regular basis is no longer socially acceptable. In college it is actually the social norm to get obliterated on a regular basis. Once you leave college, you are considered an alcoholic if you show up to work hungover as shit or get blackout drunk at happy hour. College drinking rules do not apply in the real world, it’s best to try and adapt quickly, or start going to meetings.
Next, that two day a week class schedule is now a Monday through Friday hell week. Yes, getting a real job absolutely blows. I don’t actually have one yet, but from my internship experience, I wanted to swan dive out of the 17th floor window and into a dixie cup. Shitty pay and working 9 to 5 is a whole new world than sleeping until 11 every day and getting pants shitting drunk at night.
Lastly, Mommy and Daddy’s money is no more. Bills, food and everything else you can imagine is now your responsibility. Once you start realizing how expensive it is to actually live, you realize that your job sucks that much more. From this point on, you start playing lotto on a weekly basis and praying to God as the numbers are announced.
Those are the main reasons that graduating from college sucks. I hate to put a damper on everyone as they go into their senior week, but these are the facts. If you can manage to stay in school, do it. If not, it’s going to be a long life of 9 to 5 and being broke. Look out real world; here we come.
Last Week's Show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
First and foremost, getting shitfaced on a regular basis is no longer socially acceptable. In college it is actually the social norm to get obliterated on a regular basis. Once you leave college, you are considered an alcoholic if you show up to work hungover as shit or get blackout drunk at happy hour. College drinking rules do not apply in the real world, it’s best to try and adapt quickly, or start going to meetings.
Next, that two day a week class schedule is now a Monday through Friday hell week. Yes, getting a real job absolutely blows. I don’t actually have one yet, but from my internship experience, I wanted to swan dive out of the 17th floor window and into a dixie cup. Shitty pay and working 9 to 5 is a whole new world than sleeping until 11 every day and getting pants shitting drunk at night.
Lastly, Mommy and Daddy’s money is no more. Bills, food and everything else you can imagine is now your responsibility. Once you start realizing how expensive it is to actually live, you realize that your job sucks that much more. From this point on, you start playing lotto on a weekly basis and praying to God as the numbers are announced.
Those are the main reasons that graduating from college sucks. I hate to put a damper on everyone as they go into their senior week, but these are the facts. If you can manage to stay in school, do it. If not, it’s going to be a long life of 9 to 5 and being broke. Look out real world; here we come.
Last Week's Show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Asshole Of The Day Award...
http://www.pnj.com/article/20110509/NEWS01/105090310/Handcuffed-escapee-found-Home-Depot?odyssey=tab%7Ctopnews%7Ctext%7CFRONTPAGE
If you happen to escape from prison, it's probably not the best idea to run into a Home Depot, handcuffed and asking for tools to cut off the handcuffs. How much of a fucking moron can you possibly be? It's a public place and you're walking around in handcuffs, did you not think that this was going to draw attention to you in any way? Yes, a guy running around handcuffed looking for a way to get them off; seems like just another day in the life of a guy walking into a Home Depot. This is an Asshole at his finest. I live to write about people like you.
If you happen to escape from prison, it's probably not the best idea to run into a Home Depot, handcuffed and asking for tools to cut off the handcuffs. How much of a fucking moron can you possibly be? It's a public place and you're walking around in handcuffs, did you not think that this was going to draw attention to you in any way? Yes, a guy running around handcuffed looking for a way to get them off; seems like just another day in the life of a guy walking into a Home Depot. This is an Asshole at his finest. I live to write about people like you.
Next Week's Show
Due to some contract issues with the network we unfortunately cannot bring you a show this week. However, Fireside Chats will resume next week. Spread the word about the show as we got some good reviews after the last episode. In case you missed the last episode, it is posted at the bottom of this. We would also like to thank all the fans who continue to read and watch and hopefully we can keep up the good work for you guys. Thanks again, and stay tuned all week for daily blog updates and next weeks show will be posted on Monday.
Last week's show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Last week's show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmgHJCzJ_bI
Everyone Knows What Men Think About...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1384316/Men-think-sleep-food-sex.html
This is news to people? That men think about sleep and food as much as they think about sex? Like everyone around the world didn't already know this? I would think that unless you're just oblivious to everything that goes on in the world, you would already know this. Yes, men think about sex, food and sleep. Add sports at the end of that and you have the quadruple threat. Women should pay attention to this, that way they know how to not piss us off. On the other hand, it is virtually impossible for women to not piss men off. The day that happens, hell will freeze over.
This is news to people? That men think about sleep and food as much as they think about sex? Like everyone around the world didn't already know this? I would think that unless you're just oblivious to everything that goes on in the world, you would already know this. Yes, men think about sex, food and sleep. Add sports at the end of that and you have the quadruple threat. Women should pay attention to this, that way they know how to not piss us off. On the other hand, it is virtually impossible for women to not piss men off. The day that happens, hell will freeze over.
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