Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today

Ladies and gentlemen, today it is very simple. I mean besides the fact that all ESPN talks about is the competition between this fag and Sanchez (which by the way there is no competition because Sanchez is the fucking starter) and I have to get their training camp passing stats against air, I just have about 13 seconds of a video that says it all right here. Don't pay attention to the Sanchez interview here. I only want you to watch the first 13 seconds. As you watch I want you to notice Mr. Tim Tebow in the background throwing a pass to a wide receiver from about the 8 second mark to the 12 or 13 second mark.



He basically just fucking skipped rocks to a wide open receiver. Is that not the worst fucking throw you've ever seen? Let me stress this one thing other than how absolutely awful this throw was. THERE WASN'T A DEFENSE ON THE FIELD! He was playing against air and threw the worst pass I have ever fucking seen an NFL QB throw. I have better accuracy playing catch with my fucking friends. Are we kidding? This is the guy you think is gonna overtake Sanchez as the starter? No chance bro. What the fuck is he gonna do against an actual defense? He's gonna get embarrassed. Tebow is a Chris Cooley type H-Back/Tight End/Fullback. That's what he is. He will not be starting for the Jets as long as Sanchez is there. Why? Because Sanchez is an actual quarterback and Tebow is not. And for the first of many, that is why Tim Tebow sucks today.

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today: Another Special Off Season Edition

 

Yes, it's what a lot of people have been waiting for; the post trade edition of Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today. First of all, he sucks because for some reason a shitty backup quarterback getting traded makes more headlines than a coach who's getting suspended for an entire year. How that works, I have no idea. Next, the Jets just CANNOT help themselves ever with fucking anything. They just get enamored by a big name that becomes available and just automatically go after that name even though he has no place in their system. Let me get this straight, you're gonna pay this asshole $2.5 million for four to eight plays a game? Didn't you idiots just say that Sanchez is your guy and signed him to an extension? Not to mention that Sanchez is the type of guy that needs his coaches to stroke his cock and tell him that he's the guy in order for him to play well. Now you bring in Tebow to a fan base that already hates Sanchez and after the first bad game he has they'll all be calling for Tebow to start. It's what happened in Denver, it's what's gonna happen here. Also, how come whenever this asshole does well it's always because of Jesus but whenever he plays like the shitty quarterback that he is the word Jesus is never even mentioned? No one's listening to the third string quarterback bro, it's like listening to the guy in the stands with the beer drinking hat. And what do I mean by third string quarterback? The fucking asshole Jets signed Drew Stanton to be their back up already, just making this more of a circus.

"Bro the wildcat is gonna be sick with Tebow." Really? Because Sparano really ran the wildcat a ton last year. Have we not noticed that this is a PASSING LEAGUE? Nobody runs the one eyed Mississippi wing wild cat formation anymore. Guys are too fast for that shit in the NFL and therefore it doesn't work. So all you morons who love this trade because of the wildcat obviously don't know anything about football. Oh, and an already fractured locker room now gets a guy who guys like Cromartie are already talking shit about. And what the fuck type of conversation could a guy like Cromartie have with a guy like Tebow? Cromartie's got like ten kids and a whole bunch of different women and Tebow doesn't even know what a vagina looks like. I'm sure that'll add some great team chemistry. And what about Rex Ryan. You're gonna put Tebow in the same locker room with trucker mouth Rex Ryan? Are you out of your fucking mind? I don't think little baby ears Tebow can handle that. It is now clear that Tebow is solely in New York because the Giants won the Super Bowl and the Jets don't like being ignored by the headlines. So here we go, the Tim Tebow era in New York begins. My money is on that he'll be crying himself to sleep like Katie's boyfriend in the Dave Chappelle skit of the Mad Real World after everyone bangs his girlfriend. The circus is definitely in town and Jesus is leading the way. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today: Special Off Season Edition

 

Yeahhhhhh buddy. Denver finally decided to smarten up and get themselves a real quarterback and Tim Tebow is about to get shipped out of town. I'm actually gonna open up a Tim Tebow sob line today that you Tebow lovers can call just to sob and cry while you sit there and wonder how this could ever happen. Well, I'll tell you how this could happen. in 5 of his 6 straight regular season wins last season would you like to hear his completions? 10, 2, 9, 9 and 10...IN A PASSING LEAGUE! Where the rules are made for the receivers to be open and for the quarterbacks to make throws. Tim Tebow has not been disrespected, he's not a good quarterback, he shouldn't be playing that position in the NFL. Cry me a fucking river everyone. Tebow is getting the boot and here comes big daddy Peyton. 

                                       

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...The Final Encounter

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Finally, Jesus himself has been bounced from the playoffs in the exact fashion that I was hoping for, a complete blowout. I mean there were assholes wearing Tebow Time t-shirts last night at the bar to watch this fucking guy get raped and pillaged by New England. Is that the gayest thing anyone has ever heard of? I mean really, matching Tebow Time t-shirts? And you're gonna try and tell me you don't blow each other? Then they have the balls to say to me, "Wait a minute, you're rooting for New England because you hate Tebow." And I responded with, "Correct, and Tebow's down 28-7 right now so don't even start this argument with me because I will win this argument any day of the week." All I heard the rest of the night was how his teammates love him and all this other nonsense, none of which had to do with him playing actual football. Last night's game told you all you need to know about Tebow. He was 9-26 for 136 yards against what is statistically the LAST RANKED pass defense in the NFL. You're gonna sit there and try and tell me he's good? Get out of here. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut and that's what happened last weekend. But look on the bright side, I'm sure there are plenty of teams out there who could use an H-Back. I am done with Tim Tebow until next football season and I also need to add that all you asshole's who tweet me and email me about Tebow after he wins are awfully quiet when he plays shitty and loses. So fuck all of you, he's going home, he's not winning the Super Bowl and he never will. He won't be a starter by week 5 next season either. Write it down. See you in August. 

And here is a tribute to what happened to Tebow and the Broncos last night...

                                         

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Yup, this asshole sucks today because since he had to win the fucking game against the Steelers on Sunday I owe all my twitter followers free fucking t-shirts. The guy couldn't throw all year and then when I have t-shirts riding on the game he actually throws the football a little bit. What a dickhead. I also lost the bet that Mikey T would get to write a blog if Tebow won this weekend. He did and Mike got his blog posted. Have I changed my mind on Tebow? Absolutely not. It's not a miracle to throw the ball to wide open receivers, and it's not his doing that his wide receiver bitched Ike Taylor with a stiff arm in overtime. He's still the worst passer in the NFL. Can he win you some football games, yeah. Can he win you a Super Bowl, I'm still saying no. And that's what it's all about. It's about winning Super Bowls, not just winning some games. When he wins his fans over analyze everything, when he loses he's still a winner, so "haters" or "realists" like myself will never win with the Tebow wagon fans. I will take it to the bank that New England spanks him this weekend. But that makes me a hater. Patriots over Broncos on Saturday night 42-10. And this is my last Tebow post for the week. I'm done talking about this guy. When he loses this weekend, I will post my final one of the year also. And here is a picture for all you assholes tweeting me and emailing me...

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Why Tim Tebow sucks today is very simple. Because somehow the Broncos found a way to win yesterday and you have to hear me talk about this fucking asshole for another week. Also, everyone now thinks that this guy is god and you're all talking about how great he is. He's still not that good, he's still not my guy if I'm building a franchise and you're all still delusional. Did you forget what happened the three weeks before this one? Eye test said that the Broncos were just a better team yesterday. I'm not gonna sit here and make excuses for why the Steelers lost. All I will say is that give it some time, Tebow's still not good, and he's still not my guy. Oh, and you can all now go crank your shit to his replays. One Tebow career playoff win is a loss for me. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

In what could very well be the last installment of this (until next football season of course), this asshole sucks today because he is the only person who sucks to have a Sports Science done about him on ESPN. Like look at the other guys who have had sports science done about them. Calvin Johnson, Drew Brees, Justin Blackmon and so on and so forth. All those guys have one thing in common, and that is that they're actually good at football. Tebow is not good at football. As Colin Cowherd said on the radio, "You're not a hero for putting out a fire that you started." What does that mean? That means that just because Tebow made some plays in the last five minutes against shitty teams, he was the reason they were in that position because he sucks and he's not a hero for "winning the game". When he loses to the Steelers this weekend, that will be all for the segment. I cannot wait. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Well folks, I love the hate mail I have been receiving about Tim Tebow because I'm a "hater". Actually, I'm a realist. Actually, I'm not even a realist I just tell you what I see. His completion percentage is hovering somewhere around 47% and if you take out the Vikings game where he played against all fourth stringers in the secondary it's even lower than that. That's not even close to average. Even if he makes a vast improvement, he's still not even average. It's time to face the facts people, the Tebow Train is derailed. I mean it was basically the equivalent of a train riding with no breaks anyway, it was only a matter of time before it crashed and exploded. Maybe Denver should try drafting a quarterback who can throw. But who am I right? I'm just the hater because I don't think Tebow's a good quarterback. We'll see what happens this weekend folks. But I'll tell you now, he's not winning against Pittsburgh going 6 for 22 and 60 yards. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Well, he sucks today because I had someone tell me yesterday that for the future they would rather have him as their quarterback and not Alex Smith. Now, before I begin, I do not think Alex Smith is a good QB in any way, shape or form, but he is definitely better than Tebow. Tebow is the worst rated passer in the NFL. He is the worst quarterback in the NFL. He cannot throw the football. At least Alex Smith can throw the ball a little bit. He's not gonna pick apart a defense but he can make NFL throws. Mr. Tebow cannot make any NFL throws. If you have been watching, you should be able to see that. Tebow will not be the starter by week 3 next season, mark my words. I'm sick of hearing give him time, and all this other nonsense. His style is not going to work in the NFL, and since he is an extremely limited passer, he's nothing more than an H-Back. Sorry everyone, but it's time to face the facts. The Tebow Train has been derailed. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Today's version of this segment is actually very simple. Tim Tebow sucks today because his supporters are still as blind as Stevie Wonder. Yes, the Tebow Train has gotten a little bit lighter this week, but there are still those morons who still think that this guy is an NFL QB. I have no idea what games they've been watching, or if they've even been watching the games at all, but these people are out of their minds. Guys like Skip Bayless absolutely suck Tebow off. I have never seen a mediocre quarterback in the NFL garner this much attention before. Actually, he's not even mediocre, he's way below average, he is actually awful. He's the most limited passer in football, he hasn't beaten anybody good, and he will not be a starting quarterback in this league for a long period of time. He sucks, get him out and move on. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Well, for those of you who didn't know, Tim Tebow sucks today because he actually lost yesterday and his team still somehow backed their way into the playoffs. He had a hell of a game though, 6 for 22 60 yards and an interception; we call that "lighting up the defense". I mean do you all really still think he's good? Have you watched him throw the football? This guy makes Mark Sanchez look like a gun slinger. Oh, and as I said earlier in the week, Kyle Orton went into Denver and beat the almighty. And he's still a winner though right? Even though he's lost three in a row? Good, as long as we have that clarified. My next question is how bad is Brady Quinn if he can't start over Tebow? In order to be Tebow's backup I thought you needed some type of disability, or just no arms and legs. And also, I won my bet with Australian Carl that Tebow would lose to the Chiefs. Start working out the kinks on your scripture reading Carl, it's gonna be a rough day preaching in the ferry terminal. It's funny, my twitter blows up when Tebow wins, but when he loses it's all quiet on the Tebow train. I love every minute of it. I can't wait to watch the Steelers defense rip this little altar boy to shreds next weekend, and then we can put to rest that this guy is an NFL starter, and you can all stop hearing from me about why he sucks. Have a great day. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Well for one, he's got guys like Skip Bayless defending him. Apparently Skip doesn't actually watch the football games. The argument people give with Tebow is that he's improving. Everyone considers him improving because he might make on good throw a week, but that doesn't mean you're improving. You can improve shit by spraying fabreeze on it, but at the end of the day, it's still shit. It's the same thing with Tebow. He's all smoke and mirrors, and he can't throw the football, and he also happens to be the luckiest guy in the league. See you Sunday when Kyle Orton goes back to Denver and shits in the Broncos living room, as well as ending their season. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Well have you all seen this? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079684/Tim-Tebow-voted-desirable-celebrity-neighbour-2012.html?ito=feeds-newsxml This is an article that states that Tim Tebow was voted the most desirable celebrity neighbor for 2012. Are you fucking kidding me? Based on what? That he sucks at football and is into religion? Fuck that. I don't want this little bitch as my neighbor. What's he gonna do if I'm not home and my house is getting robbed? Sit there and pray that the guy doesn't take anything? I'm not about that bro. I want a fucking pipe swinger as my next door neighbor. A guy who's gonna murder someone who tries to rob my house when I'm not around. Not a guy who's gonna kiss my baby and come ask me for sugar in a really nice way when he runs out. People are still delusional about this guy and I can't wait until he loses again this weekend. #ItsNeverTebowTime 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/dish/201112/comedian-takes-heat-over-tim-tebow-tweet 

Before I begin, I just want to thank Bob Bobby for the email. Now, this just adds to the list of reasons why Tim Tebow sucks. After he played really shitty and lost this weekend Bill Maher tweeted something along the lines of Jesus really fucked Tim Tebow on Christmas Eve. With that tweet Tebow fans have become outraged and are plotting to cancel their HBO subscriptions. Really? Wah, cry me a fucking river. Tebow's a grown man, he can take care of himself. Just because a comedian makes a joke about him suddenly means that all his fans throw temper tantrums and cancel their HBO packages? Give me a fucking break. People tweet shit about players being shitty all the time, you don't see any of their fans getting all woman on her period and throwing shit fits over it. How about you people stop taking shit so seriously and learn to laugh. Enough is enough, it's never Tebow Time. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Tim Tebow sucks today for the sheer fact that he could probably bang any girl he wants, yet he has a girlfriend. Why? You were the quarterback for the University of Florida, you are now in the NFL making some pretty good fucking money to suck, and you have a girlfriend. I'm totally looking past the face that you don't even bang her, I'm just asking why a guy like you would only want to choose one vagina instead of having your pick of numerous vagina's? It doesn't make sense to me, and it doesn't make sense to anyone else. Long story short, you probably have a vagina and you need to grow a pair of balls soon. If you expect to win this weekend you'll need those balls. But guess what? Kyle Orton is coming to town and costing you the AFC West this weekend. Remember who said it last week, this guy right here. Good day to all. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Well, Tim Tebow sucks today because if he really is Jesus then why couldn't he win to give himself a birthday present? Exactly, suck it. He's not Jesus, he's just extremely religious and a shitty Quarterback in the NFL. Actually, he's a shitty quarterback anywhere to be totally honest with you, not even just the NFL. He also sucks because I have never seen a guy so happy after throwing four interceptions against a shitty team. This Sunday could be it for Jesus and his disciples out in Denver. If Kyle Orton comes back to town and causes the Broncos to not win the division title it will easily be the greatest thing that's ever happened to the NFL. Why? Because Elway will then have a reason to not bring back the Messiah next season. See ya Tebow! Have fun going to Jacksonville and being an H-Back. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...Saturday Edition

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

On this special Saturday edition of Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today, we have his play on the field to back up what I have been saying the whole time. God awful numbers of 13 for 30 for 185 yards, with one TD and 4 INT's. "Oh Tim Tebow doesn't throw interceptions though." Yeah, suck me bro. 4 picks and two of them for TD's. What have I been saying all along? Don't drink the Kool-Aide everyone. The league is starting to figure out that he is not an NFL QB. As I have been saying all along, he'll make a very nice H-Back some day, he's not an NFL QB. Now, my other prediction of the Chiefs beating the Raiders today did not come to fruition. But Kyle Orton and the Chiefs can still knock Tebow and the Broncos out of the playoffs next weekend. And my bet is that he will. Poetic justice at it's finest. Take your 31st place passer rating and watch the playoffs from your couch Timmy. Next week you're done and the magic ends for good. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Mainly because he's an H back playing QB. He is the luckiest man in the entire NFL. He is not a good quarterback and he never will be in the NFL. If he gets hit that much he'll break down quickly. When he develops consistent accuracy, come talk to me. He doesn't throw 40 times a game because he can't throw it 40 times a game. It's actually very simple. Don't drink the Kool Aide. Wait two years and this guy will be out of the league. Mark my words. But he wins? He wins against who? Miami, Kansas City, Oakland, the Jets, and the Bears without their two best players on offense? That's a joke. You can't honestly sit there and tell me he's gonna win in the NFL based on what he has done so far this year. Why? Because he hasn't done anything. When he beats a good football team, come talk to me. Until that day comes, I'm sick of hearing about Tim fucking Tebow. The end. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Ah yes, just when I got nervous and thought I was running out of ideas I just keeping getting new facts about why this guy sucks. Does anyone else realize that we are an onside kick, a 59 yard field goal, the dumbest play a running back has ever made in the history of football and a couple of prevent defenses away from Jesus being a .500 QB and the 32nd ranked passer in the league? I mean come on guys, you really think he's good? Someone asked me last night who I would rather have as my QB Matthew Stafford from the Lions or Tim Tebow. I obviously said Stafford any day of the week. Then some moron goes, "Wait, when? Is it the next five games or the next five years?" I said it doesn't matter next five games, next five years, next five days, give me Matthew Stafford any day of the fucking week. I'll go to war with that guy as my QB. He tried to tell me I'm crazy by using excuses like, "Bro, when you have the whole world on your shoulders it means a lot." I said, "Guy, that doesn't mean shit. He's a shit quarterback and he hasn't beaten a good team or good QB yet. The only two good teams he's played he's gotten his doors blown off at home." He asked me who Stafford has beaten. Well, he has beaten Tony Romo, Jay Cutler, Josh Freeman and....wait for it....wait for it...TIM TEBOW! Yes, he blew the doors off Tebow bro, 45-10 in Denver. When I said this to him he actually got pissed off at me and walked out of the bar. The truth hurts, and Tebow fans just can't handle the truth. 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

Is this getting old yet? Good, it's getting old for me too. What exactly is getting old for me? People defending this guy like he's done anything in the NFL. ESPN is the biggest Tebow kiss ass on the face of this planet. They put up John Elway's numbers from his rookie year and Tebow's numbers from his rookie year. BUT THEY'RE NOT TEBOW'S ROOKIE YEAR NUMBERS. It is his second year, not his rookie year. He doesn't carry the team, the team carries him. You know who carries his team? Cam Newton, absolute boss. Goes in day one with no mini camp and they say, "Here you go kid, on the road, throw it 40 times." He has a lot of interceptions though. Yeah, when you're a rookie throwing the ball 40 times a game, you're gonna throw interceptions. Tebow doesn't throw interceptions because he doesn't throw anything. He throws the ball 15 times a game. He won a game throwing 11 passes. He's not carrying his team. He's playing against shit and getting carried by his defense. Just another reason Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today.