Late Night Programming: Futurama
Late Night Song: Public Service Announcement by Jay Z
Fun Fact: 22% of Americans want Bruce Springsteen to write a new National Anthem...And that's why our country is fucked.
Late Night Video:
Thursday, February 28, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Futurama
Late Night Song: Public Service Announcement by Jay Z
Fun Fact: 22% of Americans want Bruce Springsteen to write a new National Anthem...And that's why our country is fucked.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Swamp Wars
Late Night Song: Nature Feels by Frank Ocean
Fun Fact: It costs $50 per second to operate Air Force One...No wonder we're in so much fucking debt.
Late Night Video:
Boobment Blog of the Day
Today's Boobment Blog of the Day is brought to us by @universityboobs. As we can see here this is what I like to call double the fun. Two sets of luscious and delicious knockers, who's gonna beat that? Today, nobody. Follow us on twitter @thtalkofthetown and follow the #boobment. Next week I will unveil the 2013 Boobment Bracket. Seedings were random but I hand selected each and every boobment account involved. Automatic bids were anyone who won a Boobment Blog of the Day. The rest were carefully chose under very strict criteria. Stay tuned for more next week as March Madness officially begins.
Some Girls Are Just So Terrible That You Can Never Recover From Banging Them...
You all know me. I'll be the first one to tell you to go out there and go harpooning for fat chicks. I'll be the first one to tell you to bang that ugly slob just to get your rocks off. And everyone knows I'll be the first one to have your back when people get on you about it. However, there are just some women that are so incredibly terrible that you will never be able to recover from it.
I had this friend who was trying to have a threesome with two of the ugliest women on the planet. Now I know what you're thinking. "Doesn't the threesome cancel out the fact that both women are not exactly up to par?" Absolutely not. When one looks like a meth addict and the other one looks like Danny DeVito with his shirt off, there is no canceling that out.
A good barometer to go by is that if you're drinking and she's not getting any better looking she is of the unrecoverable type. You can always recover from banging a fattie with a nice face or an ugly chick with a nice body. But banging an ugly fat chick is something that you can just never recover from. And think about the fact that you're drunk already. If you have problems getting it up with someone you're interested in, imagine putting a wildebeest in front of you.
There are just some nights where you're better off waving the white flag and admitting you're defeated than swimming to the bottom of the ocean and feeding on carp. Have some respect for yourself. Just remember, if there's not enough alcohol to make you do it by midnight, there won't be enough alcohol to make you do it by 4am. Walk away with your dignity and have a fresh start on your next night out.
The Cock Block of All Cock Blocks...
I'm standing in a little section just a little above the dance floor at this bar. I see people grinding up and down and all over each other like it was a fucking rap video; and I was loving getting to see the expressions on dudes faces as they contemplated when they were dropping the roofie into the girl's drink who was grinding on them. There just comes a point in a night where you know a girl is probably getting raped and it's usually when her eyes are halfway open at 11 o'clock.
Moving on, I see directly below me some dude talking very close to this girl and he was getting ready to make his move. Then things got interesting. This girl's friend saw what was about to happen from across the dance floor and immediately started bulldozing her way through people to get to her friend. Their lips had just about touched and then BOOM! The cock block literally grabbed the girl and gave her a hug. I was in awe. And not only was I in awe but the dude who just got cock blocked was in bigger awe. He had the same look on his face that A-Rod did last year when Mariano went down for the season during batting practice.
I felt so terrible for that poor kid. He never stood a chance. You know why he never stood a chance? Because that girl's friend wasn't getting any. And she is that friend who decides that if she's not getting any, none of her friends are either. She accomplished what she came to the bar for. She cock blocked every one of her friends from getting some D. I couldn't believe my eyes. And then I wrote it down in my phone to remind myself to tell you about it.
How Ridiculous is This Mario Balotelli Guy With This Statue of Himself?
How much of a douche do you have to be to order a life-sized statue of yourself in a pose after scoring a goal so you can put it in your house? I understand that Mario Balotelli is a massive star everywhere else but the United States, but could you imagine a 22 year old awesome athlete in America asking for a statue of himself? He would be fucking crucified by everyone. This is the equivalent to Mike Trout or RG III doing this same exact thing. A life size statue of yourself with a look of defiance on your face and your eyes made out of stones. You cannot make this shit up. Some people might think that this is cool, but I think this guy is the biggest douche on the planet.
In Florida Today
Apparently we live in a world that has become softer than baby shit because when middle ages women with no teeth are robbing grocery stores we have a serious problem. She went to the customer service desk at a Publix in Fort Myers, Florida and handed the guy a note demanding money and "implying" she had a weapon on her. So you never actually saw the weapon, she covered her mouth and said, "I forgot to put my teeth in," and you're telling me she was able to rob what is clearly an able bodied young man? What the fuck is our country coming to? Old ladies with no teeth are robbing places and nobody's even putting up a fight. America is officially soft serve ice cream. We fucking suck.
This Dude Just Destroys a 905 Pound Squat
A 905 pound squat? This dude is absolutely just straight savage right here. He breaks rule number one of squatting right off the bat, which is never look down because you lose your set up. And then he still goes down and gets it up like water. Unreal. Dude is an absolute freak.
So Apparently Poseidon Plays Water Polo...
I mean it would only be fitting that Poseidon plays water polo, he is the god of the sea.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Armed & Ready (Travel Channel)
Late Night Song: Sure Be Cool If You Did by Blake Shelton
Fun Fact: 1 out of every 50 people in America are in jail...That's why there's over crowding.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Cheaper By The Dozen
Late Night Song: Small Town Kid by Eli Young Band
Fun Fact: Odds of being killed on a 5 mile bus trip: 500,000,000 to 1...I'll take those odds at 100,000,000 to 1 per mile.
Late Night Video:
Boobment Blog of the Day
Texas A&M is absolutely coming in so hot with today's Boobment Blog of the Day. My jaw hit the floor when I saw this on twitter. You can follow them at @aggieboobs and follow us at @thtalkofthetown. If they keep coming up with pics like this, they'll be joining the #BoobmentBracket2013 without a shadow of a doubt.
What Team USA Should Look Like In The World Baseball Classic
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I was going to do a preview to the WBC here, but this tournament really doesn't warrant me wasting my time to decipher it.
It's a complete joke, no one is playing in this tournament. I guess I can understand it, teams are flat out just not allowing their high priced investments to play in it. So here is what Team USA mustered up for the 16 team tournament that starts this weekend.
Pitchers Catchers Infielders Outfielders
Jeremy Affeldt - SF Joe Mauer - MIN Willie Bloomquist - AZ Ryan Braun - MIL
Heath Bell - AZ JP Arencibia - TOR Brandon Phillips - CIN Giancarlo Stanton - MIA
Mitchell Boggs - STL Jonathan Lucroy - MIL Jimmy Rollins - PHI Adam Jones - BAL
Steve Cishek - MIA Mark Teixeira - NYY Shane Victorino - BOS
Tim Collins - KC David Wright - NYM
Ross Detwiler - WSH Ben Zobrist - TB
R.A Dickey - TOR
Gio Gonzalez - WSH
Luke Gregorson - SD
Derek Holland - TEX
Craig Kimbrel - ATL
Chris Perez - CLE
Glen Perkins - MIN
Vinnie Pestano - CLE
Ryan Vogelsong - SF
The sad thing is that somehow this is still the best team on paper in the tournament and they should finally win this. I do love the bullpen, that I will leave alone, but here is what the rest of the team should've looked like.
Current Starters Should Be Starting Pitchers
1. RA Dickey 1. Justin Verlander - DET
2. Gio Gonzalez 2. David Price - TB
3. Derek Holland 3. Clayton Kershaw - LAD
4. Ross Detwiler 4. Stephen Strasburg - WSH
Probable Starting Lineup Should Be Starting Lineup
C - Joe Mauer C - Buster Posey - SF
1B - Mark Teixiera 1B - Prince Fielder - DET
2B - Brandon Phillips 2B - Dustin Pedroia - BOS
3B - David Wright 3B - Evan Longoria - TB
SS - Jimmy Rollins SS - Troy Tulowitzki - COL
LF - Ryan Braun LF - Mike Trout - LAA
CF - Adam Jones CF - Andrew McCutchen - PIT
RF - Giancarlo Stanton RF - Giancarlo Stanton - MIA
And it's as simple as that. Notice how there is one player on my lineup that is on the current Team USA roster? It's not just Team USA, every team is like this. It's a shame because if all these big time players aren't going to play in this, than why is baseball out of the Olympics. The WBC was the reason why the Olympics were pulled, because everyone thought this was the tournament that truly proved the best in the world.
But nonetheless lets enjoy the fact that we have some meaningful baseball in early March.
Your Penis is a Dreamer
Some women are interested in the question of what it's like to have a penis. They think it's all fun and games because we can pee standing up. That's just what men do, it's not our fault. But what is it really like to have a penis?
Your penis literally believes that it can have sex with any woman who walks by you. Your penis is a dreamer. Whenever you watch TV and someone like Mila Kunis comes on your dick tries to convince you that you could have sex with her if you only came up with a million dollar idea. Your head is telling you you're an idiot but your penis is just telling you that you can do it.
That's why guys spend so much money at strip clubs. Their penis is literally telling them the entire time that for the right price they can bang any chick they want in there. And then the next thing you know they're sitting in a VIP room getting a $250 handjob...outside of their pants. Then when they look at their penis asking it what the fuck just happened, all their penis does is tell them that he thought it was a good idea.
So after all this information what is it like to have a penis? It's like having a motivational speaker between your legs. Someone there egging you on and making you believe you can do it. It has a dream to have sex with every hot woman you see. But it's up to you to tame the beast because it can crumble your whole empire.
Breaking News: Alex Smith Will Be Traded to the Kansas City Chiefs
This just in, Alex Smith will be traded to the Kansas City Chiefs. I don't have the details of it yet, but the deal cannot become official until March 12th. But we know this, the Chiefs will not be using that number one pick on a QB it seems that they have found their man.
Let's Get One Thing Straight Everyone, Tom Brady Did Not Take a Pay Cut
Okay everyone, before I lose my mind I just need everybody out there who now thinks that Tom Brady is the most righteous dude on the planet to understand one thing. What I need you all to understand is that Tom Brady DID NOT take a pay cut. You know what he did? He moved money around. He doubled his guaranteed money and moved some ahead to when he's 40. In the end, he's still getting his money. Don't sit there and try and tell me that he's the guy who's gonna end all these big contracts because that's not gonna happen. He just moved his money around so that the Pats can sign some guys in the short term. But in the end, the dude is still getting paid. So don't try and tell me and everyone else this nonsense. It's not warranted for him to get all this credit. He moved his money around, he didn't take a pay cut. Learn your facts before you start speaking. Thank you, that is all.
In Florida Today
Here's a tip, if you're going to leave sippy cups laying around a meth lab, be sure you label said sippy cup so that a 6 year old doesn't drink one filled with Drano. Could be just what I think, but what the fuck do I know? I'm just the guy writing the blogs. I'll tell you right now though, I am so much better looking than this guy. He looks like one of those things from the Animorphs like way back in the day. Just another eventful day in Florida.
Greatest. Beer Commercial. Ever
I have no words. This is the greatest beer commercial in the history of beer commercials. You may need to think about the beginning of it to realize just how funny it is. But when you figure it out, it's fucking hysterical.
My Buddy Should Be a Motivational Speaker
This is a text we all received from one of my buddies on our last night in New Orleans. Just reminding us what the last night of vacation is all about. Sure you may be tired, sure you may be a bit injured, but you're at the finish line and there's no time to stop now. Legends are always made on the last night of vacations, and the next day we walked out of there champions.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: X-Men: First Class
Late Night Song: This Joint by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: Odds of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident are 69 to 1...I'm not so sure how I feel about that.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Texas Car Wars
Late Night Song: Someone Else Calling You Baby by Luke Bryan
Fun Fact: The Washington Time Newspaper is owned by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon...Anyone who can guess who that is gets a t-shirt on me.
Late Night Video:
Boobment Blog of the Day
I mean this is just straight sexy right here. This is brought to us from @KUboobs and rock chalk is chalking up yet another W. Kansas and Central Michigan are running away with this thing. Just getting the best submissions on a daily basis and I love every second of it. Get at us on twitter @thtalkofthetown and get on the #boobment train.
Amazingly, All Southern Girls Have Rhythm...
I'm not going to lie to you, when I was down south I did not see a lot of good looking women. Most of them had child bearing hips and no ass, which is actually the most terrible mixture that a woman could possibly have. And their tits were like weird and kind of fat and saggy. It was gross.
However, with that being said the one thing that I did notice is that they all could dance. Short ones, tall ones, fat ones, skinny ones; it didn't matter. They all had some serious rhythm. Normally when not so good looking women begin their dancing techniques I want to run away or stick a sharp object in my eye. But I actually watched while I was down there.
Why did I watch? Because I was impressed. I was impressed that women who reminded me of meth heads and fat guys with no shirts on could possibly be in rhythm. I wish girls from up north were like that. Sure, the girls up here are way better looking but some of them have absolutely zero rhythm. And no matter how hot she is, if she doesn't have rhythm she's not sexy.
Think about the hottest girl you've ever seen. If she was a bad dancer would she still be hot? Yes and no. Yes just because of straight up looks but no because she doesn't have sex appeal. Rhythm and sex appeal go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other. Girls down south have rhythm and sex appeal, but my god are they lacking in the looks department. Someone get Jill Michaels training those moose down there. They need it.
What is the Female Obsession With the Stage?
Alright so this is another picture from New Orleans. As you can see here, there are a plethora of women on the stage at the moment. Now usually how this starts is the DJ will pull one girl out of the crowd to come up on stage, she will then be followed by her friends, and then another group of girls who think they're better dancers than the first group will follow along. It's the circle of the stage. But what is the female obsession with it?
I understand dancing on the bar. You're letting loose a little bit and having some fun. And you're not up there for an extended period of time because it's a bar and people want drinks. But the stage is totally different. You can literally stay on the stage as long as you want and come and go as you please. But ladies, what I don't understand is your obsession with it.
Is it the fact that all eyes are on you? Is it the fact that your friends are up there with you and you don't have to be bothered by creepy ass guys? Or is it something else that men just don't understand about women? Like if you look to the left as well as towards the back there are two girls literally bent over looking like they're ready to take it in the ass. Is that how you want to be perceived?
All I'm saying is I don't get it. Maybe it's an attention thing, maybe it's just a female thing, or maybe I just don't see the point. I would think you might rather grind on some guys dick and go home and get some. But then again maybe I'm wrong. B Slata, I'm asking you now; what is the female obsession with the stage?
Sidenote: Any other ladies who have answers feel free to comment and/or email hammer@talkofthetown.me I am very, very confused.
Who Should Be the NCAA Tournament Number One Seeds?
With that being said, who should be the number one seeds in the NCAA tournament? Right now you have to say there are two teams who are a lock for number one seeds and those teams are Indiana and Michigan. After that, it gets a little foggy. Everyone is saying Gonzaga is pretty much set to be a number one seed but I'm not so sure. In passed years the committee has shown a bias towards teams in power conferences. Gonzaga isn't in a power conference. Also, if you look at their strength of schedule, it's not overly impressive.
Duke is an interesting team. They've lost three games and all of them have been on the road. In my book that means they are undefeated. I don't count road losses in college basketball. Kids get rattled easily in hostile environments. In the tournament the crowd is neutral and the kids keep their composure better. What does that mean to me? That means that if Duke beats Miami on Saturday at Cameron Indoor, they are a lock to be a number one seed. I know Miami blew them out but Miami was at home and that was Duke's first loss. The winner of Saturday's game will be the third number one seed.
Then finally I really believe that if Georgetown or Florida makes a run in their conference tournament that will be the last number one seed. Be on the lookout for Kansas as well even though they're stumbling their way to the finish line. A good win in a hostile environment last night and a big run in the Big XII tournament could make them that fourth number one seed.
As you can see right now there are many options for number one seeds. The only locks at the moment are Indiana as the number one overall and Michigan. The last two one seeds will be played out in the coming weeks. Keep watching, it's going to be fun.
In Florida Today
It's amazing that with all the shit going on in the world that this would be a news story. At the Rubonia-Terra Ceia Mardi Gras in Florida the chicken train became the most memorable part of the parade. A man and a women road a tractor slowly through the streets with chickens in cages lagging behind them. How much of a hick could you possibly be? It's amazing to me. This is so redneck I can't even stand it. These people probably have a pet raccoon too.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I Introduce to You the African Dom Mazzetti
I don't know about you but I actually laughed from start to finish. Every time I thought it would get boring this dude just said something more and more obscene. When he said, "This shit is bananas," I lost it. Best fucking accent in the league to have when you're saying dumb shit. It makes anything funny.
Major Party Foul
This kid just committed a massive, massive party foul and the big guy knows it. You don't just throw up on the dance floor bro, only children and 20 year old girls do that. You are the weakest link, goodbye.
Monday, February 25, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Argo
Late Night Song: The Humpty Hump by Digital Underground
Fun Fact: Odds of winning the California lottery are 13,000,000 to 1...Thanks for playing
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Swamp Loggers
Late Night Song: Kick in the Head by Dean Martin
Fun Fact: The odds of spotting a UFO today are 3,000,000 to 1...Basically, it's bullshit.
Late Night Video:
Boobment Blog of the Day
I'm back from vacation so the Boobment Blog of the day makes its return as well and as per usual the Central Michigan (@CMU_Boobs) girls are just straight up coming in hot with this. They're now a four time winner and no one else is even close to them. They get the most submissions and in my opinion they're right up there with Kansas as the best #boobment account. Follow us on twitter at @thtalkofthetown and join the #boobment.
New Orleans Trip Recap
Well, not everybody but most people are wondering how my trip to New Orleans turned out. As you can see from that picture I was just straight up living the dream. So let's start with how drunk I got on a daily basis....
That's me on a breathalyzer machine at 5:15 in the evening. As you can see I was at a titanic 3.32 level before the sun went down. The best part about this is that this wasn't even the night I got the most drunk. We did other things besides getting drunk, and we had the hotel concierge with the greatest name in the history of hotel concierges...
That is his business card. He was literally the human version of the candlestick from Beauty and the Beast. He was overly happy to tell us where to go and he had long, slicked back blonde hair that shined like the sun glaring off the water on a hot summer day. We also went on a tour of the bayou...
We were on a fan boat searching for gators in the swamp. We only saw a couple and we got to hold a little guy, he actually felt like a pair of leather boots. We also most likely ate this dudes cousin and it was fucking delicious. Blackened and grilled, it's the way to eat your gator. Speaking of eating, we ate like savages...
This was just the breakfast table. It was a four person table, there were three of us and we couldn't fit all of the food that we ordered. As you can see there is a plate of biscuits on top of the napkin holder because everything couldn't fit, they loved every second of it. And lastly, we got to see shit like this...
That's a guy from Baton Rouge trying to balance beer bottles on this chick's ass. As you can see on the left, there is another person who found this just as hilarious as I did because she too had her camera phone out. I saw more huge women dancing on stage in four days than I did my entire life. And I'll tell you now every moment of it was hilarious. All in all, the trip was insane. It's a must make trip if you haven't done it already. Awesome food, awesome partying and awesome people; what else could you possibly need on a vacation?
Self Checkout Was Made For Buying Condoms
Everyone thinks it's because it's more convenient and the lines are shorter. That's never the case. It always takes longer on the self checkout line unless there's nobody in the fucking store. You also have the people who work there breaking your balls when you get to the actual screen to self checkout and they ask you questions to try and confuse you to keep you there longer.
But the person who created the self checkout was thinking of one thing and it's not even debatable. They made it for people to buy condoms. Think about going up to the register with a pack of condoms and there's like a 60 year old lady working just staring right through you like you're the scum of the earth because it's guys like you who turned her granddaughter into a cock loving college girl. That's fucking uncomfortable.
With self checkout, you don't really have to talk to anybody if you know how to do it. You just swipe it, pay and walk out without anyone knowing about the fuck fest you're about to go on. It's the only reason self checkout was invented and every guy who just read this knows it.
In Florida Today
This would fucking happen in Florida. A bus driver who's record shows that he probably shouldn't even have a license to operate anything felt like eating his beef patty was a lot more important than driving a crowded bus safely. I guess he spilt some on himself, slammed on the breaks and standing passengers took a fucking spill. He looked back, saw the woman on the floor, took another bite out of his patty and kept on driving. And now he cost Broward County $100,000 because everyone is suing him. I love it. He gives zero fucks about anything and everything but his patty. Only in Florida baby.
Why Curtis Granderson's Injury Doesn't Really Matter
Ten weeks. That was the timetable given to Curtis Granderson after it was confirmed that he indeed had a broken forearm after being hit by a pitch in the Yankees first spring training game. But guess what Yankee fans? It's still February. And that means Granderson will be back around the middle of May. However, the injury still doesn't really matter that much.
Why? Because let's face it, this years Yankees just aren't that good. They're a year older, a year slower and a year more of relying heavily on the long ball. Not only that but he's only going to miss a month and a half of the actual season itself. The season is six months and Granderson literally only hits home runs. You're not going to be missing him that much. How many big home runs has he hit in a Yankee uniform? And when I say big, I mean clutch. You can count two possibly? He's not clutch. And clutch in April and May doesn't really matter anyway. Clutch in August and September is what you need.
Do I think he's a better option that Brett Gardner and Matt Diaz? Absolutely. But a ten week injury in February is different than a ten week injury in July. Bottom line, Granderson being out ten weeks doesn't really matter all that much. It's a long season, and the team still isn't that good this year. Are there some big names? Yes. But when you look at the roster you realize that this Yankee team is probably going to be in for a tough year.
The Worst Possible Thing That Could Happen to You at a Hotel
This poor bastard. You know what? I don't feel bad though. Because why would you be dumb enough to not put the fucking top lock that every hotel room has outside the door to keep the door from shutting when you're naked and don't have your key? How do you forget that? He definitely redeemed himself with his response to the jackass behind the desk however when he said, "How can I have a drivers license, I'm naked man?" Perfect response to an asshole answer. But I still don't have any sympathy.
Sidenote: Is anyone else wondering why he was eating room service naked? I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one.
You Know Why She's Getting Married? Because It's Free
First of all, are you Snap, Crackle or Pop with that dumb fucking hat on? Second of all, you're gonna make a great wife some day considering the fact that I watched you sliding up and down almost every cock at the bar on Bourbon Street last week. I'm sure your future husband would be psyched to hear that. And lastly, do you all want to know why women get married? Because it's fucking free. It's free for them to get married and it's free once they're married because the hubby pays for everything. Who's got it better than women? Nobody...Except for good looking rich men. But they're the exception, not the rule.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Sex Drive
Late Night Song: So Damn Lucky by Dave Matthews Band
Fun Fact: Chocolate may be more effective for a cough remedy than cough medicine according to a study at Imperial College in London...They have bad teeth over there so I'm not so sure I believe this.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Pootie Tang
Late Night Song: Thanks For the Memories by Fall Out Boy
Fun Fact: Skinless duck breasts have less fat than a skinless chicken breast ounce for ounce...Duck is delicious actually.
Late Night Video:
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Saturday Night Special
Saturday Night Drink Menu: Apple Martini
Saturday Night Bite: Jalapeño Poppers
Saturday Night Jam: Levels by Avicii
Saturday Night Fun Fact: Chance of of American home having at least one container of ice cream in the freezer: 9 out of 10
Saturday Night Video:
Friday, February 22, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Monkeybone
Late Night Song: The State of Massachusetts by Dropkick Murphy's
Fun Fact: 90% of Canada's citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border...Because Canadians love America.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Snatch
Late Night Song: Pobre Diabla by Don Omar ft. Pit Bull
Fun Fact: 1.5 million Americans are charged with drunk driving every year...That means don't be stupid tonight.
Late Night Video:
Knicks and Nets Second Half Outlook (Nets Edition)
So yesterday we took a look at the Knicks, today we turn our attention to Brooklyn to take a look at the surging Nets.
Nets Overview/Outlook -
The Nets got off to a nice start but hit a wall fast. A lot of people didn't like the move at the time but I was a huge supporter of the Avery Johnson firing. I'm sorry but the guy had three plus seasons and was 60-116 in those games. Say what you want, he had Deron Williams and Brook Lopez the whole time. Gerald Wallace for a lot of it and Joe Johnson for a little bit. That's a terrible record with that kind of talent.
I'm surprised they didn't make a splash with a new coach like Jerry Sloan, Phil Jackson etc but PJ Carleismo has done a great job, no doubt about it.
They're in a great position at 33-22, currently 4th in the East. But the Nets have struggled against the upper echelon of the league, especially the Heat. That will have to change soon.
Nets Most Important Player in Second Half -
I know everyone is waiting for Deron Williams to return to his Utah form but honestly I don't think it's coming. You could only wait for so long.
With that being said, Joe Johnson waited long enough. This guy with his late game performances has elevated himself into a dark horse MVP candidate.
If the Nets are going to prove that they can beat teams like the Heat, Knicks, Spurs, etc. Joe Johnson will have to continue his stellar play.
Nets Prediction -
The Nets schedule is pretty favorable from here on out. I only see four really tough games remaining on their schedule. They have two more matchup's with the Bulls, a game Sunday at home against Memphis and they travel to LA to face the Clippers near the end of the year.
After the Memphis game, the Nets have an 11 game stretch where 10 of those games should be Net victories.
Look out for that stretch and the Nets to make a serious move to the top of the East.
Final prediction the Nets climb to 2nd in the East and draw an interesting matchup with the Bucks.
The Odd Couple
So we are live from New Orleans at the moment and this is a nice little gem from last night. This is the Odd Couple. The man, a product of Baton Rouge, was literally about 5 foot 3 and grinding with this girl who's at least 6'4 the entire night. He wanted to climb her like a tree. It was hilarious to watch. What I don't understand about all these women down south is why they ass have child bearing hips and beer bellies. It's such an odd mixture of things.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Legally Blonde
Late Night Song: Flashing Lights Remix by Lil Wayne ft. Kanye West and Jay Z
Fun Fact: Pope John Paul II was named and Honorary Harlem Globetrotter in 2000...I would pay money to see him ball.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: My Cousin Vinny
Late Night Song: Flannigans Ball by Dropkick Murphy's
Fun Fact: 65% of Elvis impersonators are of Asian descent...How does that happen?
Late Night Video:
Knicks and Nets Second Half Outlook (Knicks Edition)
The NBA All Star Game and now the Trade Deadline have passed and the Knicks and Nets are now on their home stretch toward the playoffs. Both teams have been highly successful overall, but have taken different routes to their 32-19 and 33-22 records respectively.
The Knicks as we all know got off to the hot start but have started to fizzle, while the Nets took off once they fired Avery Johnson.
Today we'll take a look at the Knicks.
Knicks Overview/Outlook -
Here's my concern with the Knicks heading into the second half, this team is starting to resemble teams of the past. Have you ever noticed whenever a foul is called on Tyson Chandler his arms are always thrown out into the air? Have you ever noticed whenever the Knicks are getting blown out, JR Smith goes thug? Same with Carmelo on some occasions?
That's my concern every time the Knicks play the Pacers, Bulls, Celtics or any team that hits them in the mouth. I remember the fifth game of the year when the Knicks were down by 11 with 5 minutes left against the Spurs. I thought the game was over based on past Knicks team, obviously they came back and won. That's where I truly thought this was going to be a different team, but it was apparently just smoke and mirrors.
Knicks Most Important Player in 2nd Half -
For the reasons explained above. The Knicks have two extremely important pieces and it's probably not a coincidence that both of them haven't played during the recent struggles.
It's Rasheed Wallace and Marcus Camby. The Knicks interior defense is absolutely putrid whenever Tyson Chandler is out of the game. The bigger problem is that he's also extremely wore down, definitely not the same Tyson Chandler we've been accustomed to seeing.
Sheed and Camby will not only spell him, but they are the missing pieces to help this team when they hit adversity.
Knicks Prediction -
The Knicks have been the second seed in the east for virtually the whole season and just 5 back of the Heat for the top spot. However, they're also 5 games from the 7th spot in the East.
I really wish the Hawks traded Josh Smith today because honestly this Knicks team the way they're going could very well fall to that 7th seed if they don't shape up fast.
Final prediction, the Pacers, Nets and Bulls pass them and the Knicks finish in the 5th seed, where they meet the Bulls.
Does Size Matter?
For some reason when I was
fishing for blog topics all the guys from the site wanted me to write about
whether or not penis size matters to girls…they seemed concerned, go
figure. Just kidding. But seriously I get a lot of requests
from people to write about sex topics and the most common one from guys always
has to do with dick size. Why men
are so obsessed with their penises I will never know…probably because I don’t
have one but hey I’m gonna attempt to write about it from a chick’s point of
view. So the answer to your
question men is a loud and resounding: YES.
Yes, penis size
matters. Now before the Irish
reader population of this blog freaks out, I have good news. Penis size matters because it
determines how you act in bed. If
you have a big dick, then yes sorry part of the work is done for you
already. Some of you might be
asking “But wait, what about that age old adage that says it isn’t the size of
the boat it’s the motion of the ocean?”
Well let me put it this way.
All women like a nice romantic ride in a rowboat but that doesn’t mean
we’re gonna turn down the chance to go on a yacht. And also, I’m pretty sure that saying was invented by the
same men who claimed Eve was a slut that bit an apple and doomed us all- old
white men that couldn’t get laid.
Annnd there go my Irish catholic readers, wait come back I have good
news!
Just like most straight men
like a girl with big tits or an ass, it doesn’t mean she can just lay there
dead fish style and get you off.
If you’re born with higher class equipment but don’t take time to read
the manual, well you’re not really much use now are you? I should know, if I
had to compare my boobs to a dick size I would have to go with the asian dude
locked in the trunk of the car from The Hangover. So small guys, I feel your pain. Size does matter, but only because you might just have to
work a little harder in certain areas of the bedroom. And by certain areas I mean get real good at using your
hands or your tongue. But hey, in
my opinion smaller guys might be at an advantage here. They’re like the chick in the room that
doesn’t know she’s hot, they just go that much further to impress people.
P.S. Why this photo? Well it came up in an unrelated search while I was in the process of posting this and I just found it hilariously coincidental.
So I Saw Superman in the Form of Walter White in New Orleans
So last night as I'm perusing around Bourbon Street in New Orleans I happened to catch Superman walking his dog. It also turns out that Superman has an eerily similar resemblance to Walter White in Breaking Bad. Oh and his dog wears a cape as well. I'll be trying to update the site as I'm down here but I'm not making any promises because I am on vacation. But stay tuned anyway for ridiculous shit that I see.
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