Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...Saturday Edition

 

Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today...

On this special Saturday edition of Why Tim Tebow Sucks Today, we have his play on the field to back up what I have been saying the whole time. God awful numbers of 13 for 30 for 185 yards, with one TD and 4 INT's. "Oh Tim Tebow doesn't throw interceptions though." Yeah, suck me bro. 4 picks and two of them for TD's. What have I been saying all along? Don't drink the Kool-Aide everyone. The league is starting to figure out that he is not an NFL QB. As I have been saying all along, he'll make a very nice H-Back some day, he's not an NFL QB. Now, my other prediction of the Chiefs beating the Raiders today did not come to fruition. But Kyle Orton and the Chiefs can still knock Tebow and the Broncos out of the playoffs next weekend. And my bet is that he will. Poetic justice at it's finest. Take your 31st place passer rating and watch the playoffs from your couch Timmy. Next week you're done and the magic ends for good. 

Fuck What I Said Earlier This One's Too Good To Not Talk About...Giants Shut Rex Ryan's Fat Mouth

 

And a Merry fucking Christmas to all those Giant fans out there. With all the talk about this game and that fat bastard Rex Ryan running his mouth all week the Giants showed the Jets who still owns New York. You don't need much if you just get a few big plays and that's exactly what happened today. With the win the Giants take on the Cowboys next weekend for the division title while the Jets need a win against Miami and some big time help with losses by Cincinnati and Oakland. Jason Pierre Paul just causing havoc in the second half, Justin Tuck decided to finally show up and Mark Sanchez wetting himself while watching the Giants pass rush come after him. What a fucking day. Oh, and Victor Cruz shut me up today and Hakeem Nicks still has hands of stone. See you next week for the division title. 

Next Two Days...

With Christmas and me kind of celebrating it, we will not be posting until tomorrow night with a Late Night Special. Everyone enjoy your holiday and have a Merry Christmas. See you Sunday night with the Late Night Special...

The Late Night Special

 

Late Night Menu: Cheetos (crunchy)

Late Night Movie: A Christmas Tale

Late Night Song: Party on Fifth Ave by Mac Miller

Fun Fact: It can take anywhere from two minutes to two weeks for a man to regain an erection...That's a very wide range that I do not want to be on the back end of.

Late Night Video:

                                          

That Sweet Girl

 

You know when you meet a girl and you think she could be the sweetest girl you've ever met? She's great, she's always smiling and she's so nice. Like the last thing that you would ever think about this girl is that she gets nailed every which way all the time. Maybe it's a front or maybe it's just the way she is when she's not horny. But that sweet girl could possibly be an absolute freak. 

There are two different types of freaky girls. There are the ones that just broadcast it to the world with their personality and they actually make you sit there and say, "She's definitely a freak." Then there are the other one's that we would call the "closet freaks". She comes off as the sweetest girl on the face of the earth, but once she's alone with either her boyfriend or the dude she's been talking to for awhile, it's like she just got possessed by the devil. 

Yes, it is a shocker when you hear something like this. It's not that you're disappointed when you are told of her sexcapades, you're just really surprised, yet happy for your buddy at the same time that he found a girl like this. It's basically the perfect woman when you think about it. She's a lady out in public, but she's an animal in the bedroom. It's that Ludacris song in real life. 

It's not that you don't look at her the same way in a bad way, but you're kind of impressed. It's like when Tiger Woods got caught cheating on his wife. You were shocked, yet impressed. He had this perception as the perfect dude, yet behind closed doors he was banging hookers and super models. That's why you were impressed. It's almost the same concept with that really sweet girl who's a freak behind closed doors. You didn't think she had it in her, yet she actually loves having it in her all the time. 

Remember When You Could Just Buy Something And Walk Out?

 

What is pissing me off lately? Going to the mall and buying things has now turned into the biggest pain the ass on the face of the earth. Why has buying things turned into a bigger pain in the ass than that little kid kicking the back of your seat on an air plane? Quite honestly, it's all because of fucking technology. 

Does anyone remember how easy it used to be to buy something? You could just walk into the store, pay cash for whatever it was that you needed, and then walk the fuck out. There was no hassle, no questions asked and they never asked you if you had a store card or a coupon. It was like fucking heaven on earth. No one bothered you, and you didn't have to deal with them after you left. You just walked out and didn't see them again until the next time you returned to the store. 

But these days it's different. These days it's a fucking process every time you buy something. You get to the register and the first thing they ask you is, "Do you have a store card?" No, I don't because I'm not here enough. "Okay, do you have a coupon?" No, I have money, it's the original coupon. "Okay sir can we just have your name, address, phone number, and email address?" No, what is this the witness protection program? I just want to buy this one thing, pay you, and then walk out without being asked a million questions. But no, you can't buy anything without giving out your information, it's not allowed apparently. 

Then you give them your email and you deal with them forever. You get emails every day with deals, how much percent off you get on things and of course my favorite, the confirmation of your purchase five minutes after you buy something. Like, oh my bad bro, I didn't know it wasn't confirmed when I handed you the $50 in cash. You had to email me to confirm that I actually bought it. It's ridiculous. What happened to the good old days of buying something and walking out without anyone bothering you? I don't know what happened, but they're gone and never coming back. 

Look Around This Place...

 

I didn't want to go out last night, but I went out for exactly one beer and I had blog material in a matter of thirty three seconds. Can I just explain what it is like to go out in Staten Island, New York? It could actually end up being the weirdest experience of your life. It will never be a good experience, and you will always want to leave within a matter of minutes. But I just stick around for the stories you get to tell about it afterwards. 

First and foremost, there is no general crowd and the music doesn't fit the place. The crowd ranges from adults in their 50's to people my age. Also, it's all house and techno music in a bar. Think prototypical sports bar, and you will realize how badly the music doesn't fit the place. There's not even a dance floor anywhere in site. Now, when the range of a place is from 22 to 50, you know you're in for a few laughs. You have forty year old women grinding on each other like they're 20 because they just got divorced and still think they're hot. You have a guy wearing a white turtleneck with a black leather jacket like he should be in the show Happy Days, and you also have the biggest tool on the face of the earth wearing a long black winter coat with a scarf when it's literally like 52 degrees outside. You are also wondering why this tool has the hottest girl in the place. Probably because it's Staten Island and she's probably after what's in his pockets. 

Then we have my favorite person of the night. If you're gonna know one thing about Staten Island it's that everyone grows up short and angry and that is why they all think they're tough guys. There was this guy who had to be about in his mid 30's. He was wearing a grey v-neck, he was tanner than Pauly D, and he had spiked hair. He also stuck his tongue out and grinned every time he said hello to someone. But as I was just in awe of this guy I was trying to hard not to laugh in his face. He only stood at about 5'4, and his back was to the bar. As he faced the crowd he had his beer in his left hand, and he was holding it with a napkin. I guess it was too cold for his little hands. Then he was sticking his tongue out and shuffling back and forth and bobbing his head to Sexy and I Know It. I can't actually explain to you how I didn't almost die laughing in his face, but I'm sure if I stayed any longer I would have. 

What was also great about this place was that we were convinced that there was a baby in the bar. This girl had to be about 4'3. I'm short, I'm 5'9 and she was below my nipples. But that's neither here or there. As you looked around the place last night you realized one thing. If you're gonna go out on Staten Island, you do it for material, if you want to get a good laugh, or if you have a drinking problem. But going out just to go out on this place should never be an option. I had a worse time than Gwyneth Paltrow during the making of Shallow Hal (get it, because she had to make out with Jack Black).