Late Night Menu: Snowballs
Late Night Movie: 300
Late Night Song: Crush by Dave Matthews Band
Fun Fact: In India it's cheaper to have sex with a prostitute than buy a condom...That is fucking disgusting.
Late Night Video:
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Judging By Her Facebook She Probably Has...(Insert Whitty Line Here)
You can tell a lot about about a girl by her facebook pictures. So today I want to play a little game called:
Judging By Her Facebook She Probably Has...
Passed out while giving a blowjob and cracked her head on a toilet bowl
Been taken full advantage of by a complete stranger and not remembered a thing
Had a series of blackouts coinciding with her not knowing the real father
Started a bar fight like a true lady
Woken up in between four guys and without knowing how she got there
Passed out face down in a birthday cake
Not made it past 1am on her 21st birthday
Partaken in every single "Fishbowl Friday" at her favorite bar
Definitely blown the bouncer to get in before she turned 21
Blown more guys most porn stars
Claimed to have respect for herself before getting drunk and passing out with no underwear on at a house party
and Finally...
Been Eiffel Towered by members of her college lacrosse team
Who Should Be Fired From The Talk Of The Town "Staff"?
I use the term "staff" very loosely here because clearly there is no real staff. We have myself (you can call me Steve, Hammer, or Daddy) and then we have Johnny Baseball. After that we have a bunch of guys who want to be involved, but they don't really want to be involved. When I text people asking them for a favor because I might have something to do during the day, I at least expect an answer. If I can't even get that, why are you considered a staff member? Defriendment Friday's? I haven't gotten a defriend from anyone since 'Nam. Let's break down our candidates, and you can select who gets the pink slip. Candidates are in order of who sucks the most.
Tommy the Mic: Has written all of one post since the site officially opened. Yes, he was a key component in the Hot Girl Bracket last year, but you can't expect one thing that happened before the actual website even started to hold you up forever. That and one post about the Jets is all he has on his resume. But he's cool so I guess I can't be too hard on him.
Vince of Reason: Started off on a hot streak with some good posts and he even had what we called the Early Bird Special. Too bad I haven't seen a post in months and the Early Bird Special lasted all of eight days.
Jimbo Slice: It feels like he does a Tweet of the Day consistently for about three weeks and then he decides to take three weeks off. However, it's more like a Tweet of the Day consistently for all of four days and then he takes a month off. Interesting when someone has one post to write and has Daddy's username and password to do it himself.
Slothy: The guy used to write all the time, he even came on a Throwdown Thursday's podcast. Now he hasn't written anything in about two months and he won't even respond to a measly text message. I don't know what the fuck he's doing up there in Beantown but I'm not too thrilled.
Quite Frank-ly: Has not been all that bad but he likes to write a few posts and then take the next five weeks off. We can't be living life like this, if you're in, you're in. If not, then you're no better than a guy who sends me an email every few weeks.
Or should I just clean house, fire everyone, and get a new staff? You decide.
How Terrible Are The Detroit Pistons?
So last night I actually looked at the Knicks for maybe the third time this season and I watched them absolutely manhandle the Detroit Pistons. Am I about to give the Knicks any credit whatsoever? No chance. They were playing the Pistons. How terrible are the Pistons? The fucking worst. If you get blown out by the Knicks by a score of 113-86, then you could probably get beat by a high school team. It was pathetic, almost like watching paint dry. I could put together a team consisting of me with my right arm tied behind my back and for wheel chair dudes with one arm and I'm willing to bet we'd give them a game. I'm not saying we'd win, but it would be close. Could we be looking at the worst team in the league? I'm saying yes. I'm also saying if they don't win the lottery and get the first pick, they're fucked. Those days of Rip Hamilton, Chauncy Billups, and Ben Wallace when he was good are long gone in Detroit. It now looks like rebuilding time in the city of Eminem and cool car commercials.
Asshole Of The Day Award
While we're at it we might as well continue yesterday's trend and stick with teachers getting banged by their students...
Alright, so today we have a 25 year old female teacher getting nailed by her 17 year old students. I'm just not quite understanding this. The first thing I'm not understanding is how a hot 25 year old woman wants to get railed by a 17 year old kid in the backseat of her car in a secluded parking lot. The second thing I'm not understanding is how this child is really a victim. He's 17, he's piping out a hot ass teacher who's not even 30 yet. He's not a victim, he's a fucking G. He'll be telling people about that hot teacher he slayed for years to come. Now, the Asshole of the Day Award is going to go to this teacher for not using her head. Here's the deal hun. 17 year old boys talk a lot about everything that goes on. If one of them gets laid, everyone in the school knows about it. If many of them get laid by the same person (meaning you), everyone in the state will know about it. You might as well have just sat there and gotten bukkakked by these kids because you would have probably been able to show some sort of rape. But now, you're pretty much fucked. Here's your t-shirt slutbag, I hope you enjoyed dick while you still could because once you go to jail it's gonna be nothing but vagina all day long.
I Really Don't Want To Get Old
I mean good for this guy in the sense that his dirty car is no longer dirty. The only problem is what happens when he actually gets inside the car? Do you know how much it must suck to be old. First your eyesight goes, then your hearing, and then you lose your sanity. Just showering the inside of your car because you think it's dirty is probably the best way to say, "Hey, I'm losing my mind." If I ever get to this point, I just want my children to but chloroform on a cloth and just put it over my mouth and kill me. Or suffocate me with a pillow in my sleep. Once I lose my mind, I just wanna be put out of my misery. Although Mila Kunis suffocating me to death with her ass cheeks would also be an ideal way to go out.
Walmart Shopper Wednesday's
He's bringing sexy back. All those Walmart shoppers just don't know how to act...Take him to the bridge! And hopefully he'll jump. Stiletto's, leggings and a mini skirt on a 70 year old man just spell out SEXY right on his forehead. What do you think could possibly be going through the cashier's head as she watches this dude come up and pay for shit? Like wow, what a nice outfit you have. Does it come with a dick and a set of balls? But hey, to each his own, right? I guess if he wants to dress in drag, more power to him. If Walmart ever went out of business it would be disastrous to this blog.
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