Felix Hernandez Throws Perfect Game In Front Of Record Setting Crowd In Seattle

Yesterday Felix Hernandez of the Seattle Mariners threw a perfect game winning 1-0 against the Tampa Bay Rays in front of a record crowd of exactly two hundred and ten people, most of whom were hanging out in the "Kings Court" somewhere down the left field line. Although they do have the ability to sit anywhere in the basically empty stadium.

"Kings Court, which is only for when King Felix pitches is normally the only way we get people into the stadium," said GM Jack Zduriencik. "However, we don't exactly make any money since we have to let all those people in for free."

With no one coming to watch games in Seattle pretty much ever, the Mariners were actually stoked that a few people showed up to watch the amazing pitching performance by Hernandez in which he struck out 12.

"I feel like I'm in the Marines. I'm one of the few and the proud to have watched this amazing pitching performance by the guy who probably isn't going to be on our team within the next year or two," said long time Mariners fan Jimmy Phoenix. "I just hope we get some offense when we do trade him since we don't actually have anyone who can hit."

With the recent history of the Tampa Bay Rays it was actually expected that a perfect game would be thrown against them considering they have been no hit 4 times since 2009, 3 of them being no hitters. "I can't really say anything, I'm just glad there were only like ten people here to see this one," said Rays third baseman Evan Longoria. "No one will remember this one because most of the people who actually saw it will probably commit suicide from all the rain."

Felix Hernandez didn't decline comment we just have no idea what the fuck he was saying so it's hard to actually quote him. However, it might be time for him to get out of Seattle. He's probably the best pitcher in baseball and he plays on easily one of the worst teams in the league. I'm going to assume the Yankees trade for him some time within the next year and a half. At least when he throws a perfect game there everyone will be able to see it.