There are many different types of sex that people have. I’m not talking about making love or fucking or good sex or bad sex. I’m talking about what you do after the sex. For example, the cuddlers or spooners, the thrower outers, the texting your friend to call you in 3 minutes people and of course, everyone’s favorite, the my roommate’s locked out and needs my key people. I’ll explain to you all these types of people, and you can decide what type of sex you just had.
Cuddlers/Spooners: These are the nicest people of the bunch. This sex is actually wanted and means something. Both parties look at sex as something more than just a pleasure session for your own personal benefit. Normally they will be speaking with a person for a while before even engaging in sexual intercourse. Once they finally “do the deed”, they feel some form of connection and will have a sleep over consisting of cuddling and spooning for the rest of the night. If they happen to separate during the night, when they wake up they’ll spoon again and talk for a while before ever attempting to get out of bed.
Thrower Outers: This is totally for both parties own pleasure. These are the people who look at sex as nothing but a fun filled personal satisfaction. Whether it’s meeting someone random, or doing it with someone you just know is craving some sex, it is strictly for both parties own personal benefit. When all is said and done, they will kick the other party out letting them know that they want no attachments, just some booty.
Texting Your Friend To Call You: This is the I sobered up in the middle of the sex and realized who the hell I was having sex with after it was too late kind. These people always need to text their roommates telling them to call them so they can make up an excuse to leave. This happens a lot because when you’re drunk you’ll have sex with anything; but you sober up in the middle and want to shoot yourself in the head. This avoids awkward convo’s and doesn’t make you look like a total asshole for leaving. You also normally feel dirty and in need of a shower afterwards.
My Roommate’s Locked Out and Needs My Key: This type of sex is the worst type of sex. You’re desperate, you haven’t been laid in a while, and now you’ll take just about anything. Men call this harpooning; women call this I just need to get laid. Either way, you go in with a strict game plan. Make sure the lights are off, then get in and get out quickly. You already have the excuse to leave ready before you even start having sex. Once the sex is over (and you are incredibly happy that it’s over) you check your cell phone for a text that isn’t there, you say “Oh shit”, you tell them your roommate is locked out, and then you leave without any other questions being asked. Nothing is worse than desperate sex, but sometimes it’s necessary.
Next time you’re done with sex, think about these options and you can figure out the type of sex you just had. If nothing else, you may actually laugh out loud in the person’s face you just had sex with.
