It's not almost comical, at this point it's incredibly comical. After signing running back Mike Goodson to a 3 year $6.9 million deal the Jets now have a decision to make as Goodson was arrested on drugs and weapons charges in New Jersey Friday morning. Not that I actually think this guy is "the answer" at running back for them but they just can't catch a break. Honestly, you can't feel bad for a team that doesn't do their homework and doesn't sign high character guys. Their number one cornerback has 25 kids with 15 different women, their "quarterback of the future" actually responds to critics on twitter and now their "big" free agent signing is a convict. Oh, and their coach has a foot fetish. Even though Tebow is gone the circus is definitely still in town. I can watch this shit all day every day and twice on Sundays.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
There is Nothing I Love More Than Being Right...
Last night as I watched the second half of the Knicks game all I could do was sit there and smile. Why? Because there really is nothing that I love more than being right. All you Knicks fans sent me hate mail and tried telling me just how little I actually know about basketball when I said that the Knicks couldn't win a championship with the way they play. I said they can't win because they don't rebound, they're not physical and they rely too much on the jump shot and the three ball. Sound like something you've been watching against Indiana?
The reason Indiana has dominated this series is because of everything I just mentioned. They're more physical than the Knicks, they're destroying the Knicks on the boards, and the Pacers are taking away the three ball while making them settle for jump shots. All of this adds up to a 3-1 series lead for the Pacers. And as much as I would like to say blame Melo, you can't put it all on him the poor guy is getting ZERO help from anyone else around him.
Tyson Chandler hasn't left the Boston series, the dude has been non existent. Raymond Felton has been below average at best and J.R. Smith the 6th Man of the Year might as well shoot blind folded right now the way he's playing. Jason Kidd and Pablo Prigioni are giving them nothing and Mike Woodson has gone completely away from Steve Novak. Add this to an inefficient Melo and you can see why the Knicks can't get out of their own way.
If the Knicks can somehow find the three ball (which I don't think the Pacers will allow) they have a punchers chance in the series. But if they look anything like they've looked the last two games this series is just about over. They'll need more than Melo to force a game 6. But if you would like to send apologies and now be my friend I will tell you to shove it up your ass. I have enough friends, you want a friend then get a dog. Letting the Knicks prove me right has been good enough for me.
Sidenote: I'm busy with a new job that actually pays me so the blog will be taking a back seat for a while. I apologize but it's the way it has to be. I can't be blogging for free for the rest of my life or I'll be that loser living in my parents basement until I'm 32.
The reason Indiana has dominated this series is because of everything I just mentioned. They're more physical than the Knicks, they're destroying the Knicks on the boards, and the Pacers are taking away the three ball while making them settle for jump shots. All of this adds up to a 3-1 series lead for the Pacers. And as much as I would like to say blame Melo, you can't put it all on him the poor guy is getting ZERO help from anyone else around him.
Tyson Chandler hasn't left the Boston series, the dude has been non existent. Raymond Felton has been below average at best and J.R. Smith the 6th Man of the Year might as well shoot blind folded right now the way he's playing. Jason Kidd and Pablo Prigioni are giving them nothing and Mike Woodson has gone completely away from Steve Novak. Add this to an inefficient Melo and you can see why the Knicks can't get out of their own way.
If the Knicks can somehow find the three ball (which I don't think the Pacers will allow) they have a punchers chance in the series. But if they look anything like they've looked the last two games this series is just about over. They'll need more than Melo to force a game 6. But if you would like to send apologies and now be my friend I will tell you to shove it up your ass. I have enough friends, you want a friend then get a dog. Letting the Knicks prove me right has been good enough for me.
Sidenote: I'm busy with a new job that actually pays me so the blog will be taking a back seat for a while. I apologize but it's the way it has to be. I can't be blogging for free for the rest of my life or I'll be that loser living in my parents basement until I'm 32.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Philly Cheesesteak
Late Night Programming: Kings vs Sharks
Late Night Song: With Rome by Sublime
Fun Fact: Being ignored can actually drive you slightly crazy...That would explain some crazy women.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Kings vs Sharks
Late Night Song: With Rome by Sublime
Fun Fact: Being ignored can actually drive you slightly crazy...That would explain some crazy women.
Late Night Video:
NHL Playoffs: Where I Was Right, Where I Was Wrong Round 1
With Round 1 of the NHL Playoffs officially over it's time to show where I was right and where I was wrong with my predictions for round one.
Where I Was Right: I said no 8 seeds would be knocking off 1's this year. The Blackhawks took care of the Wild in 5 and the Penguins took care of the Islander in 6.
Where I Was Wrong: Both San Jose and Toronto who I said would be going home early made me look like a total moron. San Jose swept Vancouver to move on to the second round and Toronto was eight minutes away from pulling the upset over Boston in Game 7. I wasn't just wrong, I was dead wrong.
Where I Was Right: Sleeper teams. I said the Rangers would be the sleeper in the East solely because of Lundqvist and I said the Red Wings would be the sleeper in the West. Both teams came back from 3-2 holes to win games 6 and 7 and advance to round two.
Round Two Predictions:
Penguins over Senators in 6
Bruins over Rangers in 6
Red Wings over Blackhawks in 7
Kings over Sharks in 7
In Florida Today
http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/Miami-Beach-Man-Tied-Wandering-12-Year-Old-Son-to-Pole-Outside-Home-Police-207213531.html
Kids are so soft these days. Back in my day when kids used to do something wrong, if their parents tied them to a pole to teach them a lesson nobody called the cops and complained about it. The kid was wandering around without telling his dad, what did you want the dad to do? Just say everything was cool and let him do it again? This dad ain't about that, he's about teaching a lesson. And now he's going to probably go to jail even though the son says it's his own fault. America just getting softer and softer by the day.
Kids are so soft these days. Back in my day when kids used to do something wrong, if their parents tied them to a pole to teach them a lesson nobody called the cops and complained about it. The kid was wandering around without telling his dad, what did you want the dad to do? Just say everything was cool and let him do it again? This dad ain't about that, he's about teaching a lesson. And now he's going to probably go to jail even though the son says it's his own fault. America just getting softer and softer by the day.
Now It's Viral...
You tried to go viral with the Harlem Shake five months after it was cool. And then you got a fucking face full of desk. How'd it taste bitch? You deserved every minute of that.
Boom, Roasted
No better way to find out you have an STD than by finding out from someone else who banged the person who gave you that STD. Boom, roasted.
Monday, May 13, 2013
In Florida Today
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/breakingnews/os-smoke-weed-erryday-sign-20130512,0,5562535.story
Only in Florida would teenagers be able to hack into the traffic system and change what is on the electronic traffic signs to notify drivers to "Smoke Weed Erryday". What a terrible attempt at spelling as well here. Weed may not affect your motor skills but apparently it affects your spelling because that is absolutely atrocious. It's also incredibly stupid to put that on a traffic sign. Your attempt at being funny is overlooked at your stupidity. I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only in Florida would teenagers be able to hack into the traffic system and change what is on the electronic traffic signs to notify drivers to "Smoke Weed Erryday". What a terrible attempt at spelling as well here. Weed may not affect your motor skills but apparently it affects your spelling because that is absolutely atrocious. It's also incredibly stupid to put that on a traffic sign. Your attempt at being funny is overlooked at your stupidity. I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just a Bro Trying to Get on TV During the Rangers and Capitals Game 6 Intermission
Either he's drunk, stupid, or both. This just proves that people actually believe the best thing that you can be in 2013 is famous. He's trying to be remembered for his antics during the intermission but I'll just remember him for his unoriginal dance moves and non athleticism.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Blueberry Pie
Late Night Programming: Ducks vs Red Wings Game 7
Late Night Song: Shake That Ass For Me by Eminem
Fun Fact: In 1997 685 kids in Japan were rushed to the hospital after a Pokemon episode caused dizziness, vomiting and seizures...Fucking Pokemon
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Ducks vs Red Wings Game 7
Late Night Song: Shake That Ass For Me by Eminem
Fun Fact: In 1997 685 kids in Japan were rushed to the hospital after a Pokemon episode caused dizziness, vomiting and seizures...Fucking Pokemon
Late Night Video:
Sit On My Face Sundays
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Strawberry Greek Yogurt
Late Night Programming: South Park
Late Night Song: Lean Back by Fat Joe
Fun Fact: There is a psychological condition where people can't sleep, work or concentrate because a song is stuck in their head...Yup, have had that happen before.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: South Park
Late Night Song: Lean Back by Fat Joe
Fun Fact: There is a psychological condition where people can't sleep, work or concentrate because a song is stuck in their head...Yup, have had that happen before.
Late Night Video:
Urban Dictionary Find of the Day
Clutch Oven:
To fart in a car full of people, crank the heat for maximum effectiveness.
Mike was driving us to Jake's party and he farted, trapping us in his clutch oven
Instant Karma
How'd that floor taste bro? You wanna be an asshole, this is what's gonna happen to you. Instant Karma just shoving it right up your ass.
Jaguars Fans Join the Tebow Sucks Bandwagon
http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/9257751/jacksonville-jaguars-fans-signing-tim-tebow-start-website-own
Since the Jaguars are tired of talking about the possibility of Tim Tebow being in a Jacksonville uniform next season it turns out the fans are tired of it as well. Just how tired of it are they? They created this website http://evenifhesreleased.com/ showing all the fans who say they don't need Tim Tebow. Now it's over 500,000 at this point and I had absolutely no idea there were that many Jaguar fans in the world but they apparently see what everyone else sees. Tim Tebow cannot play quarterback in the NFL. I mean if fans of a team who suck this bad don't even want you, your career has plummeted. Sorry Timmy, if you want to play football you're gonna have to go to Canada or just get a real fucking job like the rest of us. Maybe even become a priest since you "don't have sex" with your really hot girlfriend anyway. I think the Tebow saga is officially over. When the Jaguars don't even want you, you must really suck.
Since the Jaguars are tired of talking about the possibility of Tim Tebow being in a Jacksonville uniform next season it turns out the fans are tired of it as well. Just how tired of it are they? They created this website http://evenifhesreleased.com/ showing all the fans who say they don't need Tim Tebow. Now it's over 500,000 at this point and I had absolutely no idea there were that many Jaguar fans in the world but they apparently see what everyone else sees. Tim Tebow cannot play quarterback in the NFL. I mean if fans of a team who suck this bad don't even want you, your career has plummeted. Sorry Timmy, if you want to play football you're gonna have to go to Canada or just get a real fucking job like the rest of us. Maybe even become a priest since you "don't have sex" with your really hot girlfriend anyway. I think the Tebow saga is officially over. When the Jaguars don't even want you, you must really suck.
In Florida Today
http://www.mypalmbeachpost.com/news/news/mother-son-question-how-senior-prank-during-jupite/nXm3B/?icmp=pbp_internallink_textlink_apr2013_pbpstubtomypbp_launch
Apparently being a criminal now consists of wearing pantyhose on your head and spraying silly string at people. At least that is according to Florida police. This kid and his four friends crashed a powder puff game wearing pantyhose and spraying silly string and then football players and school employees didn't know what they were spraying so they went after the four idiots. Since a school employee got sprayed in the face with silly string and "feared for his well being" the kid who sprayed him got arrested. Do we need anymore proof that America is softer than baby shit because of assholes like the guy who "feared for his well being". It was silly string bro, calm the fuck down.
Apparently being a criminal now consists of wearing pantyhose on your head and spraying silly string at people. At least that is according to Florida police. This kid and his four friends crashed a powder puff game wearing pantyhose and spraying silly string and then football players and school employees didn't know what they were spraying so they went after the four idiots. Since a school employee got sprayed in the face with silly string and "feared for his well being" the kid who sprayed him got arrested. Do we need anymore proof that America is softer than baby shit because of assholes like the guy who "feared for his well being". It was silly string bro, calm the fuck down.
It's Friday, So Here's A Stoned Golden Retriever
If you can't laugh at this then you're just a miserable person.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Buffalo Wings
Late Night Programming: How It's Made
Late Night Song: Smooth by Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas
Fun Fact: If you spell out consecutive numbers you would have to go up to one thousand to find the letter a...Never realized that.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: How It's Made
Late Night Song: Smooth by Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas
Fun Fact: If you spell out consecutive numbers you would have to go up to one thousand to find the letter a...Never realized that.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Banana Split
Late Night Programming: My Name is Earl
Late Night Song: Funkorama by Redman
Fun Fact: The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet...Mmmm, tasty.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: My Name is Earl
Late Night Song: Funkorama by Redman
Fun Fact: The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet...Mmmm, tasty.
Late Night Video:
Urban Dictionary Find of the Day
One Cheek Bench Sneak:
The easing out of flatulency gently, usually when sitting down, so as not to attract undue attention.
"I was on a date, so I had to pull the one cheek bench sneak."
Would You Have Sex With You?
What is the ultimate test to thinking whether or not you look good? How should you judge yourself in the mirror before a big night out? Instead of asking other people all you really need to do is be honest with yourself. Just take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Would I fuck me?"
Women have a tough time with this because they are incredibly self conscious. They look at themselves, they hate what they see and then they get depressed for no reason. Especially the skinny hot girls. They all think they're fat when we know they're not. Either that or they're just looking for attention (what else is new).
But after you're done getting ready just walk over to the mirror and take a good look up and down. Maybe even do a fucking twirl while you're at it. Then be honest with yourself. Would you fuck you? If you wouldn't, then you're not ready to go out. If you would, then you're ready to go. Now although it won't guarantee you sex, it will give you a better chance. Having confidence and feeling good is half the battle. After that you just have to not fuck it up with the person that decides they would like to fuck you as well.
Women have a tough time with this because they are incredibly self conscious. They look at themselves, they hate what they see and then they get depressed for no reason. Especially the skinny hot girls. They all think they're fat when we know they're not. Either that or they're just looking for attention (what else is new).
But after you're done getting ready just walk over to the mirror and take a good look up and down. Maybe even do a fucking twirl while you're at it. Then be honest with yourself. Would you fuck you? If you wouldn't, then you're not ready to go out. If you would, then you're ready to go. Now although it won't guarantee you sex, it will give you a better chance. Having confidence and feeling good is half the battle. After that you just have to not fuck it up with the person that decides they would like to fuck you as well.
How About Those Golden State Warriors?
After blowing a 16 point lead in the final four minutes of game one against the San Antonio Spurs, the Golden State Warriors did what no one thought they would do in game two; bounce back and get a win. Whether they're just too young to realize what's going on, or their fearless leader Mark Jackson getting their heads right the Warriors have shown throughout these first two games that this will be no cake walk for the Spurs. Between Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson (above) this team can flat out shoot.
Last night it was Thompson leading the way with 34 points and going 8-9 from behind the arc. In game one if was Curry going for 44 and after these performances in the first two games we can see that this may very well be the best shooting backcourt in the NBA right now. Name a remaining playoff team with a better shooting backcourt than the Warriors, go ahead. You can't do it because there aren't any. Golden State did what they set out to do and that was to take one game on the road and now head back home with the series virtually a best of five. But the Spurs better be careful, this Warrior team is poised to knock them off.
Sidenote: Has anyone seen Klay Thompson's girlfriend? Girl is a total fucking smoke bomb. Win or lose the series, Thompson has already won at life. He gets to have sex with this beautiful creature on the reg.
Last night it was Thompson leading the way with 34 points and going 8-9 from behind the arc. In game one if was Curry going for 44 and after these performances in the first two games we can see that this may very well be the best shooting backcourt in the NBA right now. Name a remaining playoff team with a better shooting backcourt than the Warriors, go ahead. You can't do it because there aren't any. Golden State did what they set out to do and that was to take one game on the road and now head back home with the series virtually a best of five. But the Spurs better be careful, this Warrior team is poised to knock them off.
Sidenote: Has anyone seen Klay Thompson's girlfriend? Girl is a total fucking smoke bomb. Win or lose the series, Thompson has already won at life. He gets to have sex with this beautiful creature on the reg.
In Florida Today
http://www.wesh.com/news/central-florida/orange-county/police-sisters-knock-down-door-attack-boyfriend/-/12978032/20068200/-/fn1bhd/-/index.html
Usually it's a dream come true when you have two sisters knocking on your door. But seeing as how this is Florida you can probably guess how it ended. Basically one of the sisters was banging a dude who happened to have a girlfriend that he lived with. The sisters showed up at the house, punched the boyfriend in the face and told the girlfriend to come out and fight. With predictable results, the police came and arrested the two women who also happened to be shitfaced. Was your guess pretty spot on?
Usually it's a dream come true when you have two sisters knocking on your door. But seeing as how this is Florida you can probably guess how it ended. Basically one of the sisters was banging a dude who happened to have a girlfriend that he lived with. The sisters showed up at the house, punched the boyfriend in the face and told the girlfriend to come out and fight. With predictable results, the police came and arrested the two women who also happened to be shitfaced. Was your guess pretty spot on?
Throwback Thursday Video: Antoine Dodson Makes His Debut
Hide ya wife, hide ya kids and hide ya husbands because they rapin' everybody out here. To this day, one of my favorite viral videos of all time. I honestly cannot remember the last time I saw this version because of the song that was made after this, but this is still as funny as day one. Speaking of that song, why the fuck not:
Never. Gets. Old.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Cherry Pie
Late Night Programming: Newlyweds
Late Night Song: Ms. Jackson by Outkast
Fun Fact: In Egypt, actors were not allowed to testify in court because they were seen as professional liars...Solid strategy I think.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Newlyweds
Late Night Song: Ms. Jackson by Outkast
Fun Fact: In Egypt, actors were not allowed to testify in court because they were seen as professional liars...Solid strategy I think.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Veal Cutlets
Late Night Programming: Red Wings vs Ducks
Late Night Song: Get At Me Dog by DMX
Fun Fact: Staying up all night will cause your body to burn an extra 161 calories...Anorexic bitches everywhere are looking for coffee and red bull as we speak.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Red Wings vs Ducks
Late Night Song: Get At Me Dog by DMX
Fun Fact: Staying up all night will cause your body to burn an extra 161 calories...Anorexic bitches everywhere are looking for coffee and red bull as we speak.
Late Night Video:
Urban Dictionary Find of the Day
Dissociative Facebook Identity Disorder:
A common disorder where a person displays multiple personalities: One in person, and one on Facebook.
Kevin: "Damn, have you met that girl I work with L'fondra?"
George: "Yeah, shes a weirdo in person, but she acts all cool on Facebook. She must have Dissociative Facebook Identity Disorder."
George: "Yeah, shes a weirdo in person, but she acts all cool on Facebook. She must have Dissociative Facebook Identity Disorder."
Well There's a Kick in the Balls
Happy Anniversary sweetheart? That's a swift kick in the balls, or the vagina depending on who is serving the cake. What a way with words this person has eh? Just acting like everything's okay, bringing out a cake and then laying it on their significant other like an earthquake in Japan. Fucking brutal.
Sidenote: It's never too soon.
Sidenote: It's never too soon.
Knicks vs Pacers: The Difference Between Games 1 and 2
In this Knicks and Pacers series games one and two could not have looked more different. So what happened between Sunday and Tuesday that lead to the Knicks taking complete control in the middle of the third quarter of game 2? It was a little bit of everything actually.
From the start the defensive intensity of the Knicks was way higher than it was in game 1. Mike Woodson made it a point to tell his team they came out flat on Sunday and last night they game out of the gate like a bat out of hell. They were forcing turnovers, however their shots weren't falling. Indiana stormed all the way back from 13 down to take the lead early in the third.
The defense didn't fall asleep, Indiana just started making some shots. That was about the time Melo decided that it was time to go inside. It started with a tip in and then he began taking the ball to the basket and taking it to the basket hard. He scored 11 in the third quarter and the Knicks padded their lead. Then when Melo came out for a rest, the Knicks really started moving the basketball and pulling away. It wasn't just one guy, it was a team effort. Even Pablo Prigioni was shooting the ball.
Finally, another difference between games one and two was the rebounding. In game one the Knicks lost the battle on the boards 44-30. In game 2 the Knicks held the advantage out rebounding the Pacers 37-33 in what was really a must win game for the Knicks. More intense defense, better shot selections and more people involved in the offense, and better rebounding were the main differences between games one and two. Now the series heads back to Indiana for a pivotal game 3 on Saturday. If the Knicks can play like they did last night, they can take this series in 6 games. But Indiana will make some adjustments. Now it's interesting, time to see what happens.
In Florida Today
http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/article/315161/58/Computer-thief-uses-cat-food-as-a-coverliterally
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me four times and it must be a Walmart in Florida. This guy managed to rob Walmart two times on two separate days stealing a total of four laptops and using a bag of cat food as the cover for the laptops. Exactly how dumb is Walmart security that he was able to pull this off four times? Apparently just being in or around Walmart lowers your IQ.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me four times and it must be a Walmart in Florida. This guy managed to rob Walmart two times on two separate days stealing a total of four laptops and using a bag of cat food as the cover for the laptops. Exactly how dumb is Walmart security that he was able to pull this off four times? Apparently just being in or around Walmart lowers your IQ.
Picking a Fight With the Wrong Old Guy
I love when people think they're tougher than everyone else. Little do they know the people they're picking the fights with will fuck them up with one punch. Like this gentleman right here. One quick jab, and this mother fucker is down for the fucking count.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Greek Yogurt with Blueberry
Late Night Programming: Get Him to the Greek
Late Night Song: Da Rockwilder by Method Man and Redman
Fun Fact: Workers at various iPad factories operate in conditions so bad that they're forced to sign anti suicide pledges...No wonder everyone at apple is a billionaire.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Get Him to the Greek
Late Night Song: Da Rockwilder by Method Man and Redman
Fun Fact: Workers at various iPad factories operate in conditions so bad that they're forced to sign anti suicide pledges...No wonder everyone at apple is a billionaire.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream
Late Night Programming: Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
Late Night Song: Stand Clear by Adam F featuring MOP
Fun Fact: The average woman smiles 62 times a day, the average man smiles only 8 times a day...What's that stat for women on their period?
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
Late Night Song: Stand Clear by Adam F featuring MOP
Fun Fact: The average woman smiles 62 times a day, the average man smiles only 8 times a day...What's that stat for women on their period?
Late Night Video:
That Douchbage At Game 3 Looks A Lot Like...
I've had to resist the urge to post about Boston ever since the Marathon because I didn't want to add to the media frenzy of self-reflection and sadness when it was already so depressing. That being said, I almost had a heart attack when I saw this douchebag in a picture from last night's Bruins game (see below).
Wow dude really? Making fun of a national tragedy that occurred in a city that was willing to lock down their entire population to catch a 19 year old? Not cool bro...and not too smart either. But there was one other thing that made me stop and look again before taking to facebook/ twitter to bash this guy. Does this dude not look a little like Kim Jong Un?
For those of you that don't know who that is, (and if you don't, pick up a fucking newspaper) Kim Jong Un is the leader of North Korea and currently harassing everyone with threats of nuclear warfare. He also hasn't been publically seen since doing so in April. Welp, I think I just found him. He was at Game 3 last night, and he's a fucking asshole. I don't know what's worse, looking like Kim Jong Un's stunt double or the beating that asshole probably took after leaving the game. But seeing as how I'm from Boston, I'm really rooting for the latter.
There Is Nothing Better Than the NHL Playoffs
I have said it before and I will say it again, the NHL Playoffs are the best playoffs in professional sports. If you want to see grown men giving it everything they have night in and night out then you watch. The effort these guys give is far and above that of the NBA and no matter what the seedings are every team has a chance to win and every game is close. Sure the NBA has some great overtime thrillers and great performances, but the NHL has hard hitting, close games that you just don't get in any other sport. If you haven't been paying attention, you better start. You're missing one hell of a first round. Between the Canadiens and Senators having a blood bath and the Islanders and Penguins scoring like crazy these have been my favorite playoffs to watch to date. I don't even have to have anything emotionally invested into the games and they're still awesome. Nothing is better than playoff hockey. It cannot be touched. Oh, and they don't get a week and a half off between games 2 and 3 of every series.
In Florida Today
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/broward/oakland-park/fl-fatal-i95-ramp-shooting-folo-20130506,0,142260.story
Why wouldn't there be an investigation over a shooting that happened at a Waffle House in Florida? I guess it's time for background checks on all Waffle House patrons from here on out. They don't know why the guy was shot, they don't even know who shot him. All they know is that a man is dead and he was probably shot at the Waffle House. Which is a terrible place to get shot if you've just sat down to eat. Have you ever been to a Waffle House? Fucking shit is delicious. It's also the nutritional equivalent to smoking crack but it's fucking delicious.
Why wouldn't there be an investigation over a shooting that happened at a Waffle House in Florida? I guess it's time for background checks on all Waffle House patrons from here on out. They don't know why the guy was shot, they don't even know who shot him. All they know is that a man is dead and he was probably shot at the Waffle House. Which is a terrible place to get shot if you've just sat down to eat. Have you ever been to a Waffle House? Fucking shit is delicious. It's also the nutritional equivalent to smoking crack but it's fucking delicious.
The Bear Went Bear
Can you really get mad at the bear right here? The bear did what bears do, and just mauled and ate the shit out of a smaller, less elite animal. Don't put a bear within striking distance of a monkey, lesson learned.
Missing Teens in Cleveland Found, Dude Who Rescued Them Is As Honest As Can Be...
These girls had been missing in Cleveland for ten years. Ten fucking years and they basically got rescued by accident by this guy. Hopefully the guy who abducted these girls gets ass raped for the rest of his life in a state penitentiary. Moving on, can this guy get any more honest? "I knew something was wrong when I saw a pretty white girl run into the arms of a black man". Is it racist if I spit out my drink when he said that?
You Stay Classy, Doo Stained Underwear Guy
Keystone Light and shit stained underwear, that's what hillbillies do! You stay classy, and maybe find some new underwear while you're at it.
Monday, May 6, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Chicken Salad on Whole Wheat Toast
Late Night Programming: Men Who Stare At Goats
Late Night Song: Doin' Time by Sublime
Fun Fact: Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time...Interesting.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Men Who Stare At Goats
Late Night Song: Doin' Time by Sublime
Fun Fact: Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time...Interesting.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Baked Potato with Sour Cream, Chives and Melted Cheddar and Bacon
Late Night Programming: Spurs vs Warriors
Late Night Song: Let It Roll by Flo Rida
Fun Fact: In the original versions of little red riding hood, the girl and the wolf eat Grandma together...That's fucking weird.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Spurs vs Warriors
Late Night Song: Let It Roll by Flo Rida
Fun Fact: In the original versions of little red riding hood, the girl and the wolf eat Grandma together...That's fucking weird.
Late Night Video:
Urban Dictionary Find of the Day
Waffle Crapper:
A chick so hot that you wouldn't care if she walked up and crapped on your waffle. In fact, you'd probably welcome it.
She's no waffle-crapper but I'd hit it.
Adam Richman vs Guy Fieri Who Ya Got?
Adam Richman |
VS
Guy Fieri |
The thing that throws people off about Fieri is the hair. He's from California and he has the bleach blonde hair and that goatee. Richman is from Brooklyn, gets way too excited about food and cracks corny jokes. If we're talking about who could eat more, I don't think it would be a clear runaway win by Richman. I've seen Fieri eat some serious shit and I'm sure he can hang with Richman.
As far as who is the better host I'm actually siding with Fieri. First of all, he drives his dope ass convertible everywhere he goes and rocks pussy magnet sun glasses. Second of all, he doesn't get overly excited, he gets just excited enough and he's real as can be. Nothing he says or does on camera looks faked. My one gripe is that he uses the same phrase whenever he really likes something. He will say, "Oh that's killlllller," whenever he really like something.
For Richman, I can't get into the way he hosts his shows. His jokes are atrocious, he seems a bit over bearing for some of the restaurant owners and he's a sloppy eater. Also, his enthusiasm is false and he chews with he tries to describe to you what he's tasting while he's still eating and he looks like a slob.
I know for most of you who love Adam Richman you're gonna tell me this is blasphemy. It's not. Review the tapes and then come talk to me. Guy Fieri drops hot, wet dukies all over Adam Richman's chest when it comes to food show hosting. Fieri 1 Richman 0.
For Those Who Say Carmelo Anthony "Isn't Asked" To Do Anything But Score, Just Look at Kevin Durant
When I say that all Carmelo Anthony does is score and that he doesn't make his teammates better, my favorite argument from Knicks fans is, "He's not asked to do other things." Really? So he's not asked to make the guys around him better because he's the best player on the team, or does he just not want to make the guys around him better because it means less points for him? Before you answer, I give you Kevin Durant.
Kevin Durant took a huge hit when he lost his sidekick, Russell Westbrook, last week for the remainder of the playoffs. When that happened, did Durant just start shooting the basketball 40 times a game? No, even though he started shooting more, he also started doing other things to make his team better. He started grabbing rebounds and he started dishing out assists. He also started playing tougher defense. Let's compare the stat lines of Melo and KD from yesterday's game ones.
In a Knicks loss to the Pacers Melo scored 27 points, grabbed 11 rebounds and had 1 assist in 36 minutes. He also had a steal, which I'm sure was by accident since he has no interest in playing defense. The Knicks would lose the game 102-95 as Melo would shoot 36% from the field. On the other hand, in a Thunder comeback win against the Grizzlies, Durant scored 35 points, pulled down 15 boards, had 6 assists, 1 steal and 2 blocks in 44 minutes. He also shot 50% from the field and fueled the Thunder comeback.
Where am I going with this? It's quite simple. Don't sit there and try and tell yourself that Melo "isn't asked" to do anything but score. I'm pretty sure Durant could put up a 50 spot every game if he wanted to but guess what? Sure he scored 35 but he also had 6 assists. He's leaving some points on the floor and making his team better even after he lost is sidekick. I'm sure he wasn't asked to do anything but score either, but he does because he knows it makes his team better and in turn it's also giving him one on one opportunities because the defense is worrying about him passing the ball.
If Melo would score 20 with 7 or 8 assists every game I guarantee the Knicks would be able to compete with Miami. But since he doesn't they might not get passed Indiana. If you're not willing to share the wealth in the postseason your team can't win. If Knicks fans and Carmelo don't understand that by now then it's just a lost cause. Tell me I'm wrong all you want. But when the Knicks go home and the Thunder move on, don't say I didn't tell you so.
Kevin Durant took a huge hit when he lost his sidekick, Russell Westbrook, last week for the remainder of the playoffs. When that happened, did Durant just start shooting the basketball 40 times a game? No, even though he started shooting more, he also started doing other things to make his team better. He started grabbing rebounds and he started dishing out assists. He also started playing tougher defense. Let's compare the stat lines of Melo and KD from yesterday's game ones.
In a Knicks loss to the Pacers Melo scored 27 points, grabbed 11 rebounds and had 1 assist in 36 minutes. He also had a steal, which I'm sure was by accident since he has no interest in playing defense. The Knicks would lose the game 102-95 as Melo would shoot 36% from the field. On the other hand, in a Thunder comeback win against the Grizzlies, Durant scored 35 points, pulled down 15 boards, had 6 assists, 1 steal and 2 blocks in 44 minutes. He also shot 50% from the field and fueled the Thunder comeback.
Where am I going with this? It's quite simple. Don't sit there and try and tell yourself that Melo "isn't asked" to do anything but score. I'm pretty sure Durant could put up a 50 spot every game if he wanted to but guess what? Sure he scored 35 but he also had 6 assists. He's leaving some points on the floor and making his team better even after he lost is sidekick. I'm sure he wasn't asked to do anything but score either, but he does because he knows it makes his team better and in turn it's also giving him one on one opportunities because the defense is worrying about him passing the ball.
If Melo would score 20 with 7 or 8 assists every game I guarantee the Knicks would be able to compete with Miami. But since he doesn't they might not get passed Indiana. If you're not willing to share the wealth in the postseason your team can't win. If Knicks fans and Carmelo don't understand that by now then it's just a lost cause. Tell me I'm wrong all you want. But when the Knicks go home and the Thunder move on, don't say I didn't tell you so.
In Florida Today
http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/region_martin_county/olivia-sprauer-modeling-photos-martin-county-high-school-teacher-asked-to-resign-after-pics-surface
So this absolute smokeshow high school teacher from Florida has basically been fired for being hot. She happened to do some modeling on the side since teachers make shit money and she happens to be hot and the pictures surfaced, the principal called her to the office and fired her on the spot. I think it's pretty fucked up that she's losing her job over this. She wasn't banging any students and they weren't naked pictures. Sure some horny high school kids were probably jerking off to her pics in the bathroom during lunch but they're in high school, that should be expected.
So this absolute smokeshow high school teacher from Florida has basically been fired for being hot. She happened to do some modeling on the side since teachers make shit money and she happens to be hot and the pictures surfaced, the principal called her to the office and fired her on the spot. I think it's pretty fucked up that she's losing her job over this. She wasn't banging any students and they weren't naked pictures. Sure some horny high school kids were probably jerking off to her pics in the bathroom during lunch but they're in high school, that should be expected.
Germans Being German
At this point in time opening beer for Germans is just way too easy. So they have to come up with new innovative ways to do the simplest fucking thing possible. No bottle opener, no problem. They're just being German.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Beef Brisket Sandwich
Late Night Programming: Gladiator
Late Night Song: High School Never Ends by Bowling For Soup
Fun Fact: The traditional gift for a 44th wedding anniversary is groceries...And probably divorce.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: Gladiator
Late Night Song: High School Never Ends by Bowling For Soup
Fun Fact: The traditional gift for a 44th wedding anniversary is groceries...And probably divorce.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Falafel over Rice
Late Night Programming: American History X
Late Night Song: Wake Up by Arcade Fire
Fun Fact: During 33 seasons on air Mr. Rogers trolly traveled more than 100 miles on its track...After 33 years I would think that's possible.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Programming: American History X
Late Night Song: Wake Up by Arcade Fire
Fun Fact: During 33 seasons on air Mr. Rogers trolly traveled more than 100 miles on its track...After 33 years I would think that's possible.
Late Night Video:
Saturday, May 4, 2013
The Saturday Night Special
Saturday Night Drink Menu: Stoli Blueberry, Sprite and Blue Curacao
Saturday Night Bite: McDonald's Six Piece
Saturday Night Jam: Heads Will Roll by Yeah Yeah Yeahs (A-Trak Remix)
Saturday Night Fun Fact: There are 10,800 feet of film in a two hour movie...Yes, that's a ton of film.
Saturday Night Video:
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