"Sarah Says": I Need a Man. No I Don't. Wait, This is So Confusing

Hey, fellas! I hope you’ve all had a great week since we caught up last Wednesday. I did. I think. It was really confusing. Let me explain – at the beginning of the month, I moved into my first apartment. Of course, my parents came and helped me move (because renting trucks is expensive, so my crossover SUV put putted around Connecticut for a week) but then my parents left to, you know, go live their lives in another state. Which left me with – bookshelves to build, shelves to hang, posters to frame, curtains to install, etc. etc. etc.

Moving in was scary for me. My boyfriend broke up with me a month or so before the move, and I was planning on pretty much relying on him to build everything. See, both the guys I’ve dated have been engineers. You know the type – they can build anything without looking at directions and it will probably be sturdier than if they read the directions. So I despaired. I panicked.

But I’ll have you know I installed four wallboard anchors and only cried once. And I built that goddamn bookshelf, and I hung those curtains, and each and every painting and piece of artwork that I framed is perfectly level. (I named my level, we spent so much time together. His name is George, and yes, I have issues.) And I safely used an electric drill multiple times much to my roommate’s (and my own) surprise.

So this led me to the “I DON’T NEED NO MAN” conclusion. But here we come upon a dilemma. Prepare yourselves, boys, I’m about to admit a shit ton of personal flaws. Here are things that I cannot do – Understand football. Play Call of Duty, or any video games for that matter. Let’s continue - Figure out how to work my cruise control. (I was shown how to this weekend, so that helped.) These are all things that I would heavily rely on a boyfriend for, which I don’t have. Are understanding football, knowing how to play Call of Duty and understanding the basics of my car important? You bet your ass they are. I can’t fully function in society without knowing this shit.

Do I need a boyfriend for this? Maybe. I’m sure there are plenty of girls that can perform all the aforementioned tasks, but I don’t know any. I know girls who can recite Shakespeare and quote Monty Python at the drop of a hat (ok, that’s me) but I don’t know any that can teach me how to change a tire. Sure, I could look up YouTube tutorials, but I’m a visual learner. I need to be shown everything step-by-step to grasp how to perform most tasks.

Life is really confusing, guys. Super confusing. I could listen to Destiny’s Child’s epic power anthem “Independent Woman” every day of my life, but still need help. Do I need a boyfriend to help me out? Maybe. I could always ask my dad or dude friends for help, but unfortunately for me, not a single one of them lives in the area. And so I am trapped in this perpetual conundrum (look it up in a dictionary). Do I need a boyfriend? Am I fine without one? Damned if I know. (By the way, that hot mess you see in the photo at the top of the post is me.)

Sarah is the creator of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com. Hi, JohnnyEbs.