MISTRIAL!

A Waukegan middle school art teacher was arrested Wednesday for allegedly
bringing child pornography to school--and viewing it on his classroom
computer.

Administrators at Miguel Juarez Middle School in the Chicago suburb contacted
police after the district's Information Technology Services Department flagged
suspicious computer activity on the school's system, the Chicago
Sun-Times reports. Joshua Rich, 53, was able to circumvent the school's web
filter by bringing his own flash drive with its own web browser. Police
confiscated the drive and discovered a video of child pornography. -Huffington Post

Well there hasn't been an easier case for a defense attorney in the history of the United States judicial system. Clearly, this man is not guilty. Look at his face, notice anything missing? Anything at all that sticks out on his face that could potentially link him to others like him?

No! There's nothing on his face. Dude is clean shaven like a gillette commercial ad, face smooth like a baby's ass (going to hell for that metaphor). He doesn't have a mustache...let me repeat, he doesn't have a mustache! What better defense do you need. Here's the opening statements from the defense,

"Ladies and Gentelman of the j-j-j-j-jury, if you would care to t-t-t-t-take a look at my client you will notice he-he-he-he-he po-po-p-p-possesses no qualities linking him to any other o-o-offender in this criminal field, most not-n-n-n-notably his lack of a m-m-m-m-m-m-ustache, Thank you."