The Story of Las Vegas

We have all seen movies, and heard stories from people who have gone to Las Vegas and automatically we think about how awesome this place looks and sounds. Let me tell you something, I cannot really explain how awesome and majestic this place truly is because you need to personally experience it to understand. But I can still tell you how awesome it was.

First of all, I didn’t win a cent of money, I actually lost pretty much all of it and I owe a very generous man everything short of my first-born child. Now all the casinos are awesome but just remember that the house always wins. Why does the house always win? Because you have assholes such as myself who go in, lose money and then try to win it back in a matter of minutes. In the process of trying to win it back, you just keep losing and you end up paying the salaries for about five little illegal immigrant bus boys. Long story short, I blew through my first hundred faster than Charlie Sheen blows through a line of coke.

Then there’s the night life and the pool parties. The pool parties are just slop fests of people getting hammered all day by the pool and that’s really all I know since I didn’t get to actually experience one. But the night life, that was where it was at for me. Besides the $40 cover and $13 drinks, it was actually a blast. No one’s standing around, everyone’s spankin’ the planks on the dance floor and there’s always a group of hot Asian girls within a ten-foot radius. Hugh Heffner also throws his birthday party there, how ya doin’! Do I remember pretty much anything else? Not really, because it was all a blur.

So what is Vegas? It is a place with a great vibe. Everyone who’s there is strictly there to party. It doesn’t matter how much money they spend or lose because that is what they’re there to do. Always remember if it won’t make you bankrupt, do it. You can’t put a price on a good time.

Sidenote: The one problem I did have was that it was $27 for a pitcher of Coor’s Light. What kind of scam are you running here? When a broken man has lost almost all his money on black jack and roulette, $27 for a pitcher of beer is like taking a baseball bat to his nuts. It’s just not right. Come on man.