Pet Peeves, we all have them. This is why I asked around to get both sides of the story. What do women and men hate inside the bedroom? I am here to tell you, because that is my job (Well, not really because I don’t get paid for this shit).
Women’s Pet Peeves:
Guys asking for permission: I guess women don’t like when a guy asks for permission to do something. I can understand that though, you’re already in the fucking bed at this point asking for permission is probably too late. Don’t ask, just do.
Waiting 10 hours to make a move: Listen guys, if you’re going over to a girl’s place at 2am, you are only there for one reason. Make the move and do it quickly, she knows why you’re there since she’s the one who invited you over. She wants to get down, not sit and talk.
Bad Timing: Guys, women hate bad timing. When you go too quickly, there’s a problem and when you’re drunk and last forever, there is also a problem. You have to find a good timing mechanism to keep them happy. I suggest singing the star spangled banner to yourself, it sounds crazy, but it’ll help you last. Then when you want to let it loose, stop singing to yourself and in thirty seconds it’ll all be over with.
When you’re done, it’s over; go to bed it’s not an interview: When the sex is over, just go to bed. Guys, I don’t know about you but when I’m done I just want to eat a cookie and go to sleep. I don’t want to stay up and talk. Just shut the fuck up and go to bed, that way she doesn’t complain about you keeping her up all night.
No hands on the head: From my research, this is apparently a very big pet peeve amongst women. She’s already doing you a favor, and probably knows what she’s doing; that means just let her go to work and put your hands away. It’s okay to relax every now and then.
Men’s Pet Peeves:
Keep the change: Sounds a little vulgar, but can you keep the change after a BJ? Guys don’t like hearing the phrase, “Let me know when you’re about to go.” No, you’re down there, keeping the change is part of the job description. Plus, it makes the clean up easier because we don’t have to sacrifice a sheet or a towel. Don’t be selfish ladies; you still have the better end of the deal in the oral sex department.
Don’t ask me how I want you: Girls, please don’t ask us how we want you. I say don’t do this because no guy has ever thought about it. Guys don’t think to themselves that they want girls this way or that way. All guys think about is that they want to have sex; they don’t care where, when or how. Unless you’re dating, it’s not meant to be romantic.
Protection is the woman’s responsibility: If you tell a guy to put it in, without asking if he has a condom, he’s going to just put it in and pray. You can’t ask if he’s wearing one while you two have already been banging for 10 minutes. Guys don’t think, they just do. Ask about the protection early, that way there are no surprises later.
Be gentle: Please no teeth, and please if you’re going to tongue the balls be fucking gentle. That is the gentlest area on any guy and you acting like you’re trying to suck a golf ball through a garden hose only leaves a guy in pain. Be gentle with the boys, use some tongue.
My bed, my wall: If you’re staying at a guys place, he gets the wall. End of story. All girls want the side of the bed with the wall, even when it’s not their bed. No, if it’s the guys bed, he gets the wall unless he offers to give it to you. If he doesn’t offer, you’re on the outside, sorry.
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