Where am I going with this? Friday night I'm coming home from work and I tried finding a spot on the boat where I could sit with my hood up and not have to worry about seeing and talking to anyone who I know. I just worked and dealt with assholes all night, I really don't feel like having conversations with drunk acquaintances.
As I sat down this group of four wildebeests sits right next to me. I was hoping I wouldn't have to throw my headphones in, but of course that would've been too good to be true. As soon as these girls sit down I hear the fattest and most disgusting one say, "I just ate Halal and now I'm eating these chips, like what am I doing?" I wanted to respond simply with, "You're being fat, take a look in the mirror," but that would have been a major blow to her self esteem since she was a northern fat chick. Her friends were also disgusting animals chewing potato chips with their mouths open and talking about how drunk they were.
And then it happened. I sat there and I heard the fat chick say, "Tomorrow night, we should go to a club, find some guys and get NAUGHTY!!!" As she said this they all broke out screaming and dancing on each other while one rolled on the floor in potato chips and licked them off her forearm. All I wanted to do was turn and tell them that no one will be getting naughty with any of you unless they don't have eyesight or they just have a thing for hideous looking fat chicks. Groups of fat chicks who all think they're good looking are the worst types of fat chicks. But they are also the most entertaining. Sure, I sound like the biggest asshole on the planet, but let's call a spade a spade. They all looked like a fatter version of the witch who gave Snow White the apple. How was I not supposed to make fun of them?
Sidenote: Don't know if he's still reading this but shout out to the kid who picked up my business card on the train ride home. Yes, that was me in the hoodie.
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