Tuesday, July 3, 2012

7 Fuck Buddy Criteria

 
You know what I see more than anything? I see people who are fuck buddies forgetting what their sole purpose with each other is. They break the rules and end up getting emotionally attached. That cannot happen when you're fuck buddies. As soon as feelings get involved, the walls just crumble and your good thing of no attachments ends. So here I give you the 7 proper criteria for you and your fuck buddy. 

1) No texting before midnight: Absolutely, positively no texting each other before midnight. No exceptions. It's just not allowed. If you're fuck buddies you are a late night booty call and that's it. There is no other text messaging allowed prior to midnight.

2) No emotions: You can't get emotionally attached. You need to tell yourself that this is just sex and then do things that make it just sex. Basically what I mean is that cuddling is never an option afterwards. 

3) No Sleep Overs: Unless you're drunk, there is no reason for a sleep over. You go, you fuck and then you leave. You go there to complete the task and then that is all. 

4) No talking about "us": Unless you two are talking about her taking the pill or him wearing condoms there should be no using the word us. The word us implies that the two of you are actually something, but get real here; you're just fuck buddies.

5) Both parties must perform oral: Yes, this is part of being a fuck buddy, pleasuring each other. Meaning that if one of you performs some oral sex, the other one needs to be ready to return the favor. There's no excuses, this is a must. And if we're eating vagina we're expecting at least a BJ plus anal. 

6) No meeting the parents: You two are strictly sexual entities towards each other. That means that in no way, shape or form will you two ever meet each other's parents. Just leave it as is. 

7) No Interaction outside of each other's bedrooms: How can I say that? It's simple. If one of you needs a ride, it's a ride to go to the other one's bedroom. If not, you get there and you fuck and then you leave. There's no dinner, no lunch, no brunch, no nothing. You two aren't dating, you're fucking. If you really wanna eat, after you fuck just make each other sandwiches. Other than that, there's no interaction outside of your bedrooms. 

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