What His Drink Says About Him

What a girls drink says about her is a lot different from guys.  Girls definitely order certain drinks to send messages about their intentions.  For example, if I want to come off as chill I order beer.  Sexy is vodka, and straight up horny is tequila.  I have no idea if guys do this, but this is what I've come to observe of the dudes that used to come to my bar…

Top shelf vodka drink:
This guy thinks he is a baller.  Considers himself an alcohol and women connoisseur.  Wants to act like he's throwing money around but is usually a shitty tipper.  This is because under all that swag he's broke as fuck.  When I was a bartender I would purposely fuck up these bros drinks just to see if they could tell the difference between grey goose and well gin.  Why? Because I'm an asshole. Or a shitty bartender. One of the two. 

Whiskey:
A guy drinking whiskey at the bar means he just got dumped.  He is beyond the point of wanting to get shit-faced.  Drinking straight whiskey means that he wants to be so far gone that there is no chance in hell he is getting fucked over by any women tonight.  He will be angry that chicks are approaching him, but will also get pissed at his limp dick later.

Domestic beer:
Your average Joe.  These guys usually hate going to clubs or crowded bars, and would rather just chill at home to watch a game or something.  But they suck it up because there are chicks there, and that Bud bottle isn't going to be as much fun later in the night.  The darker the beer though, the more likely they have a four wheeler with a matching camo jacket and John Deer hat.

Imported beer:
Says "I'm classy enough that I like to keep it interesting, but masculine enough that I'm still gonna drink a beer."  These guys are usually freaks in bed.  Don't ask me why, maybe it's because they never get far gone enough to have whiskey dick.  But these guys will never get crazy drunk or out of control, so my last and personal favorite is…. 

TEQUILA!
Tequila is the same for guys as it is for girls.  Screaming "TEQUILA SHOTS!" at a bar is like the universal code for "I don't care who or what crawls into my bed tonight but I'm fucking it."  These guys always have a good night, but rarely have a good morning.  Drinking tequila basically signals  that if you go home with him, he is going to either cum in your hair or throw up in it.