You know what I really can't stand? All these women who show up to bars who think they're too good for the cheap liquor. Are you kidding me? Honestly, who do you think you're kidding? You all think that you're just the Totes Magotes of the place and even though the cheap shit is basically free, you still won't drink it. Well bitches, I'm here to tell you that you're not too good for the cheap shit.
"But I work a 40 hour a week job and pay for myself." You work 40 hours a week making a cool $7.25 an hour, which after taxes comes out to about $6 and some change. I have no idea where you dumb broads became Oprah, but it must have been in fantasy land. Oh, and you still live at home so paying for yourself only consists of you going out and getting shitfaced causing you to hug a toilet at the end of the night. But yes, I guess that makes you a little independent.
"Oh shut up, I don't want a hangover the next day." A hangover is inevitable for a bitch like you. You can hold your own in a drinking contest with Lindsay Lohan and Snooki, trust me you'll be getting hungover no matter what you drink. Whether it's gasoline or liquid gold, you're drinking way too much to think that you won't be hungover. You're a borderline alcoholic, you just don't go to meetings.
What have we learned from this? Well, for one, your minimum wage job is not enough of a reason to make you too good for the cheap shit. You make in an hour what it costs to buy a bottle of that shit. Also, you black out every time you drink, you'll be hungover no matter what. Therefore, you are not too good for bottom shelf liquor. And those are the facts.
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