Monday, November 14, 2011

Why I Don't Do Night Clubs

 
I never understood people who love going to night clubs. I'm not talking about bars with dance floors in them, I am talking about big ass, multiple level, dress code, guest list places where one drink costs as much as it does to fill up your car. I hate every one of these places for various reasons that I will begin explaining right about now. 

First of all, when you get there, there's always a line wrapped around the block. Then there's some dueschbag outside the door holding a clip board thinking he's important because he tells people whether they're allowed in or not. Next we have the bouncer who just patrols up and down the gigantic line telling hot girls to cut the entire line, and then there's always a dude wearing glasses and holding an ID scanner. 

Next, you get inside and realize that unless you buy a table, you're gonna spend an arm and a leg to get drunk. Vodka and redbull averages about $18 a pop and everything else is about the same price. Then you finally try to look out onto the dance floor and you realize you're standing on it and you can't actually move because there are so many people around. You almost get into a fight with every guy that you pass because they all think you're trying to start with them by tapping them on the shoulder to get out of the way. And don't get me started with the bathroom attendant who I've talked about before and I would love nothing more than to punch that guy in the face. 

The only reason you actually go is because girls love night clubs and most, not all, but most girls who are in night clubs are just looking to get down on some dick by the end of the night. And since you can't dance, your attempt at talking to a girl is shot since you can't actually hear anything with the techno blasting. I'll take a bar over a club any day of the week. And as Jim Jeffries said, "If you're over 25 and you hang out in night clubs, you're a dick." 

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