101 Things Guys Apparently Want To Hear In The Morning...

 

This Cosmopolitan Magazine might be the root of all evil. Every woman follows it like these people who write for it have any idea what they're talking about. However, thank god there are some women who actually know that this is complete bullshit. Like a couple of the women that I work with. One of them just happened to find one of these magazines laying around and she took it with her. The article that she read was some of the most ridiculous bullshit I have ever heard. But I was impressed that she knew it was bullshit. 

The article was titled 101 Things Your Man Wants To Hear In The Morning. Of course, it was written by some woman who doesn't know shit about men. Also, there is zero probability that I want to hear 101 different things when I wake up in the morning. That list is incredibly short, so I don't know what guys this woman is talking about, but I'm pretty sure she's wrong. 

Let's take example number one. "I totally want to lick your abs right now". Can I ask what guy wants to fucking hear this in the morning? You know what I want to hear when I wake up? Three very simple words, "Breakfast is ready". That's about all I want to hear in the morning. And if there is going to be a little morning sex session, no words need to be said, just tug on my dick and that's the signal for let's go. 

The next example. "I can't wait to meet you for happy hour later". Was it already spoken about that we were going to happy hour? Guys don't want to hear something like this. This spells out the word PSYCHO in big bold letters since it's probably 8am and you're talking about what is going on ten hours later. No, we don't want to hear that you're an alcoholic. Although with behavior like this you will likely drive us to alcoholism. 

Those are just two examples of ridiculous things that this magazine claims to know about men. You want to know men? Then ask a man about shit like this. Reading these magazines is gonna just put you girls into the fantasy dream world where you think you're trying to find that perfect guy. More on that topic will be coming later today. But for now, put down the magazines and start living in the real world.