Drunk Story from Dave (Connecticut)
Since baseball is the only sport you can play hungover, my teammate and I decided to go out the night before one of our games. Plus it was the end of March and it was middle of the season and we knew we sucked. We were like 2-22 at this point. We did this all the time, but this story just needs to be told. We go out with one of our student athletic trainers and her house of girls. Now, we're freshmen at the time and these girls are juniors. On the way there the girl who was driving was driving like your typical woman, meaning, she basically couldn't drive. Me and my roommate are sitting in the back seat making comments about how terrible her driving is and she screams out, "Who brought the fucking freshmen? I'll let both of you out right here." Okay, relax girl, maybe you should've taken driver's ed.
Then we finally get to the bar and suddenly the driver, who also had her right arm in a sling because she had shoulder surgery, is now basically hitting on me. My teammate is with her friend, and our athletic trainer is just somewhere in the crowd. We leave the bar and the madness occurs. This bitch in the sling starts making out with me, her friend is making out with my teammate and our athletic trainer is squatting by the side of the car taking a piss in some dirty ass parking lot; real classy. Of course on the way home we get lost and almost die twice, but we make it back to their house.
We're in the house and apparently bedrooms weren't the popular place of intercourse or oral sex. No, the living room was. I start having sex on one couch with the girl in the sling, yes she was in her sling. And my teammate is catching a blowie from her roommate on this couch chair like 20 feet away. As this shit is going on I'm thinking to myself, "I'm banging a girl with a sling right now." Then everything is said and done. I went on another couch and this girl went to her bedroom. My teammate was actually in the other girls bedroom. Apparently I was just used for the sex. Now, I'm sleeping on a couch and our athletic trainer comes out of her bedroom basically sleep walking. I'm looking at her wondering what the fuck she's doing and suddenly she drops her pants and squats right by this little coffee table and starts peeing all over the living room floor. I had no idea what to do so I just turned away in angst waiting for it to end. It finally did and she ended up passing out on a couch on the other side of he room.
The next morning I wake up at 6am nervous as shit because we have to get to the baseball field for 8:30 for batting practice. Me and my teammate call up one of the older guys on our team to come pick us up. He asked us why, how, what happened and we just said we'll tell you when you get here, but you need to get here. Finally, a half hour later, he gets to the house, we sneak out, and the awkwardness that occurred at the baseball game between us and our athletic trainer was priceless. And we lost 16-3 the next day, but we both got two hits each, in case you were wondering.
Yes, this is complete madness. And it's all sorts of awesome.
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