If you're over the age of 21, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you are under or on the verge of turning 21, then you will get a lesson right now. Everybody knows the deal when someone is just so incredibly fucked up in a happy way that has 21 written all over it. The fresh, new 21 year olds always stumble in, but they stumble in with a smile from ear to ear. Why? Because it feels so good to use your own ID for the first time. Oh, and you are also on an entirely different level of drunk.
Everyone gets incredibly fucked up on their 21st birthday for two reasons. One is obviously because you can, and two is that everyone and their mother thinks they have an obligation to be a fucking good samaritan and buy you a drink. Plus this is the last birthday where you can really celebrate something. After 21, your birthdays don't actually count for anything other than that you're one year closer to dying. Sounds harsh, but it's the truth.
Now, what is 21 drunk? For guys it's just your friends force feeding you all types of liquor and seeing how much you can take before you throw up. Guys are assholes and we love to watch our friends suffer. It's actually hilarious to watch. As for the ladies, 21 drunk consists of you girls wearing a fucking tiara that is on the floor and broken fifteen minutes into the night; and also consists of you smiling way too much. You also have to pick the perfect outfit to go out in, which I will never understand since you girls always end up on the floor with at least one broken heel and dirty dress anyway.
Also, girls are the most annoying when they are 21 drunk. I'm not obligated to buy you a birthday shot just because you're 21. If your legs are open for business afterwards then yes, but if you just want the shot you can go ask one of the other hundred dumb fucking guys in the place who will easily buy you one. You can also clearly see a girl is 21 by how loud and obnoxious she is. The girl who is 21 drunk will almost alway announce it to everyone, or have obnoxious friends who announce it to everyone. For future reference girls, announcing that you or your friend is 21 that night is like throwing chum at sharks. Every guy knows who the shitfaced 21 year old is and will now begin moving in for the easy kill.
21 drunk is something to enjoy. It's a night that you'll look back on and say, "I don't remember a thing from that night. But I know it was definitely a good time." If that's not your 21st birthday, then you did it all wrong. If that was your 21st birthday, then you can just nostalgically reminisce back on it like I did after I wrote this post. And for you youngsters who are on the verge of 21. Make sure your 21st birthday is one that you don't remember.
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